[ The way he says that so slowly has nothing to do with him refusing to acknowledge as much - Billy knew it was what had happened the moment he woke up here. There is no way he could have survived what had happened back home. Hickey wouldn't have let that happen.
No, the slow speed has more to do with what he's thinking about. He can tell that Kieren is looking for those words with the first part of what he says, even if the other moves on from it right after. But what he also realises from that story, is-- ]
But different from you.
[ Billy never felt changed. Ever since waking up here, he doesn't think he's ever felt like anything other than himself. It's clear from Kieren's description that the part about hurting people was involuntary, and Billy can't say he's felt the desire to hurt anyone outside of his own will here. Whatever happened to Kieren where he comes from-- It's definitely different from him.
He knows that he wouldn't feel regretful though if it had been him in the other's shoes. Why would he blame himself for something he clearly can't help? Sure, it'd be too bad that people died, but it's not like it would have been his fault.
.. he can easily tell though that Kieren thinks about it differently. It's not a huge surprise. Kieren - for better and for worse - is a better person than Billy is. He can acknowledge as much to himself. It makes Kieren a good person to know, but it also means he gets caught in the pesky trap of blaming himself for things he ought to not blame himself for in the slightest, like so.
Plainly telling the other he shouldn't blame himself likely won't work though. Billy uses the fire poker to idly poke at the logs in the fire, giving him an excuse to be quiet as he thinks of what he should say then. ]
Neither of us asked to be brought back. Yet here we are. [ His gaze travels from the fire back over to Kieren. ] There is not much for us to do about that. Nor can we change anything that has already happened in the past. All we can do is choose our future decisions.
no subject
[ The way he says that so slowly has nothing to do with him refusing to acknowledge as much - Billy knew it was what had happened the moment he woke up here. There is no way he could have survived what had happened back home. Hickey wouldn't have let that happen.
No, the slow speed has more to do with what he's thinking about. He can tell that Kieren is looking for those words with the first part of what he says, even if the other moves on from it right after. But what he also realises from that story, is-- ]
But different from you.
[ Billy never felt changed. Ever since waking up here, he doesn't think he's ever felt like anything other than himself. It's clear from Kieren's description that the part about hurting people was involuntary, and Billy can't say he's felt the desire to hurt anyone outside of his own will here. Whatever happened to Kieren where he comes from-- It's definitely different from him.
He knows that he wouldn't feel regretful though if it had been him in the other's shoes. Why would he blame himself for something he clearly can't help? Sure, it'd be too bad that people died, but it's not like it would have been his fault.
.. he can easily tell though that Kieren thinks about it differently. It's not a huge surprise. Kieren - for better and for worse - is a better person than Billy is. He can acknowledge as much to himself. It makes Kieren a good person to know, but it also means he gets caught in the pesky trap of blaming himself for things he ought to not blame himself for in the slightest, like so.
Plainly telling the other he shouldn't blame himself likely won't work though. Billy uses the fire poker to idly poke at the logs in the fire, giving him an excuse to be quiet as he thinks of what he should say then. ]
Neither of us asked to be brought back. Yet here we are. [ His gaze travels from the fire back over to Kieren. ] There is not much for us to do about that. Nor can we change anything that has already happened in the past. All we can do is choose our future decisions.