[ Konstantin catches him in that moment that he breaks down again, body tensing into the movement of Vasya's arms wrapping around him, his own squeezing tighter. He's never seen someone so sad — so openly sad — broken open and weeping like a child, with nothing left to give. It's horrible to see. He'd do anything to make it better for him, to be able to help somehow with this. All he can do is hold him as he listens to his best friend's misery and loss and turmoil, and it isn't enough.
He's also aware, suddenly, of something deeply startling and uncomfortable: the creature moves, restless. Is it— is it reacting to Vasya? Maybe it's his own fluctuations of upset causing the thing's, but he's keeping it together pretty well, able to be that rock for Vasiliy. He's upset by the other's upset, but he isn't breathing too hard and fast; his breathing is even and slow for Vasya, trying to be something safe he can hold onto.
Is it... reacting to Vasiliy directly? Not just through himself, but...?
He takes a moment to try and calm himself further, closing his eyes briefly, jaw working itself out of any lingering tension, at least as much as he's able against the sudden wave of nausea. Maybe it makes sense — after all, it knows Vasiliy. Still, it's unsettling. He tries not to think too much about it, to focus on the other man instead as he's able to form words again, gently brushing his fingers against his back in little circles, some attempt to soothe. He's quiet for a few long moments, processing Vasiliy's self-loathing and guilt, frowning softly before he finally speaks. ]
I don't think there's a god, no. [ He agrees quietly. ] I don't know why... some things happen. Seemingly inexplainable things. But I know what it is to feel like you deserve them.
[ He'll always perceive his own situation as punishment. ]
Maybe there is no reason you came back. But rather... reasons to be made. You're helping people. You take care of them. I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for you.
[ He sighs slowly and carefully through his nostrils, and hugs him again. It seems to ease the creature slightly too, that pressure, that closeness to the other man. What a strange thought. Even the worst parts of himself are soothed by this man's presence. ]
I'm sorry, Vasenka. [ It's the first time he's used the term. ] This is so much pain for you to bear.
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He's also aware, suddenly, of something deeply startling and uncomfortable: the creature moves, restless. Is it— is it reacting to Vasya? Maybe it's his own fluctuations of upset causing the thing's, but he's keeping it together pretty well, able to be that rock for Vasiliy. He's upset by the other's upset, but he isn't breathing too hard and fast; his breathing is even and slow for Vasya, trying to be something safe he can hold onto.
Is it... reacting to Vasiliy directly? Not just through himself, but...?
He takes a moment to try and calm himself further, closing his eyes briefly, jaw working itself out of any lingering tension, at least as much as he's able against the sudden wave of nausea. Maybe it makes sense — after all, it knows Vasiliy. Still, it's unsettling. He tries not to think too much about it, to focus on the other man instead as he's able to form words again, gently brushing his fingers against his back in little circles, some attempt to soothe. He's quiet for a few long moments, processing Vasiliy's self-loathing and guilt, frowning softly before he finally speaks. ]
I don't think there's a god, no. [ He agrees quietly. ] I don't know why... some things happen. Seemingly inexplainable things. But I know what it is to feel like you deserve them.
[ He'll always perceive his own situation as punishment. ]
Maybe there is no reason you came back. But rather... reasons to be made. You're helping people. You take care of them. I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for you.
[ He sighs slowly and carefully through his nostrils, and hugs him again. It seems to ease the creature slightly too, that pressure, that closeness to the other man. What a strange thought. Even the worst parts of himself are soothed by this man's presence. ]
I'm sorry, Vasenka. [ It's the first time he's used the term. ] This is so much pain for you to bear.