There is, likewise, a similar question on James' side of how much Raju does and doesn't know. If he's living with Francis--notoriously self-sufficient, slow to open up Francis--then there must be a great deal of trust there, and it would be natural to expect Francis might've confided in him about what happened during the expedition.
Besides, it is unfortunately not really a secret what had happened to James; most, if not all, of the others present here from the expedition know that he'd died, and at least some of them had likely shared that information. James doesn't fault them for it, but as someone who is so careful with what image of himself presented to others, this being out of his control is something he's accepted but is not at all pleased about. Just as bad is that he's well aware he still looks very much like he's had a close brush with death, even after awakening in this place better than he had been on the shale, and even with a little time to recover.
There's very little he can do about that either, aside from being sure not to act as unwell as he looks, which is a familiar role to be playing. It had seemed to be working alright for the most part, but perhaps it had been a mistake to try on Francis; of course he would see right through it, and even without the particular misstep in topic potentially bringing up its own memories, the entire attempt would've likely done it anyway.
But as much as he's realizing that faking everything being alright is not only pointless but potentially actively making things worse for Francis, is the opposite any better? He'd already done that the first night here, when he'd been so drained and in such shock over finding himself somehow alive, and he'd allowed himself to be selfish and not hide how much he'd needed to ask of Francis, even after everything he'd asked of him before. And so his first inclination of what to say, that Francis might have some obligation to look after the others but that James is not at a part of that, falls apart almost immediately.
Instead, when he finally realizes he needs to speak instead of remaining lost in his thoughts, he sits up a little straighter again and nods, studying the table a moment before looking at Raju again. "Yes. I'd thought that might be it." After it happened, of course. He had very much not meant to bring up the memory--not a terrible one for James, as he'd already long been resigned to the reality of the situation, but surely an awful one for Francis with hindsight--but it's not as if James is a stranger to saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.
And then, of course, he belatedly remembers something else that may have factored in. After another brief hesitation, and then deciding Raju does probably know already and if he doesn't it hardly matters, he continues; his tone is even, but distinctly distant. "I did not survive our expedition. What I said may have reminded him, and our... Altercation, earlier, likely did not help either."
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Besides, it is unfortunately not really a secret what had happened to James; most, if not all, of the others present here from the expedition know that he'd died, and at least some of them had likely shared that information. James doesn't fault them for it, but as someone who is so careful with what image of himself presented to others, this being out of his control is something he's accepted but is not at all pleased about. Just as bad is that he's well aware he still looks very much like he's had a close brush with death, even after awakening in this place better than he had been on the shale, and even with a little time to recover.
There's very little he can do about that either, aside from being sure not to act as unwell as he looks, which is a familiar role to be playing. It had seemed to be working alright for the most part, but perhaps it had been a mistake to try on Francis; of course he would see right through it, and even without the particular misstep in topic potentially bringing up its own memories, the entire attempt would've likely done it anyway.
But as much as he's realizing that faking everything being alright is not only pointless but potentially actively making things worse for Francis, is the opposite any better? He'd already done that the first night here, when he'd been so drained and in such shock over finding himself somehow alive, and he'd allowed himself to be selfish and not hide how much he'd needed to ask of Francis, even after everything he'd asked of him before. And so his first inclination of what to say, that Francis might have some obligation to look after the others but that James is not at a part of that, falls apart almost immediately.
Instead, when he finally realizes he needs to speak instead of remaining lost in his thoughts, he sits up a little straighter again and nods, studying the table a moment before looking at Raju again. "Yes. I'd thought that might be it." After it happened, of course. He had very much not meant to bring up the memory--not a terrible one for James, as he'd already long been resigned to the reality of the situation, but surely an awful one for Francis with hindsight--but it's not as if James is a stranger to saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.
And then, of course, he belatedly remembers something else that may have factored in. After another brief hesitation, and then deciding Raju does probably know already and if he doesn't it hardly matters, he continues; his tone is even, but distinctly distant. "I did not survive our expedition. What I said may have reminded him, and our... Altercation, earlier, likely did not help either."