[ That's at least one huge relief through all of this. Pretending something unfavourable never happened is almost a hobby for him at this point — one that he's fully aware stems from some coping mechanism; you don't spend years being psychologically trained and come out of it not being able to understand your own way of functioning as a consequence. No, Konstantin can see himself crystal-clear, knows every in and out of how he sees the world and why, what loss led to this, what trauma led to that, and he's perfectly comfortable keeping up whatever walls might be a result. Turning his head away from what he doesn't want to look at suits him just fine.
In fact, he'd be happy not to think about any of this at all, but that doesn't seem to be an option, because around Wynonna, specifically, his thoughts are no longer just confined to the safety of his own head, just like hers aren't, and it's a restless nervousness that can't be stifled unless they part ways, only that option means being alone with the thoughts in his head and... Yeah. Yeah, he's already made the decision he'd rather have company with her than to be alone, and that ironically means being unable to escape the thoughts on some weird level.
Which means the only thing to do with them is lance them, slowly, like bleeding a wound. He pauses at her question, and he wonders if she can hear him shirk back from it with a soft kneejerk whisper. Ashamed in that weird way again, ashamed that hearing her say Vasya's name aloud makes his heart skip an unpleasant beat because it confirms she really can read what's inside of him, Konstantin pushes forwards verbally, to try and shut his thoughts off. He doesn't trust his own mind not to betray him with... whatever it's thinking, up under everything else. Run away, run away, run away from him before he runs away from me instead]
Yes. [ He says, more softly than he even meant to. His eyes flit down to the thread in question, flickering in some parts, but mostly solid. Red as blood. Soul mate, Chloe brought up, and other people have said things like that too. It scares the hell out of him. ]
I don't believe in things like that, though. Whatever this is... suggesting. Some people say it could be 'soul mates.' [ Because that's what this thread supposedly represents, right? Or something like it. He's figured it out; the gold are people his heart cares about even if only a little, even if in all of his detached, cautious ways, and the red is someone he loves, different than the others, but also different than anyone else he's ever had before. He loved Alexsei's mother, in a way, and yet no red thread connects him to her. There was no... future with her, no ending, no path to keep taking.
With Vasiliy, he can't fathom an ending, is terrified of it, more and more each day. And that's what's different. ]
Do you? [Believe in it. He takes a beat, a little careful. This is all... weird, sensitive, personal. He smiles again a little, to put something a bit wry to it, like a joke almost, even if none of this is remotely funny. Soul mates... whatever, right? That's ridiculous; the world doesn't work that way. ] This Edward guy... he your 'soul mate', do you think?
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In fact, he'd be happy not to think about any of this at all, but that doesn't seem to be an option, because around Wynonna, specifically, his thoughts are no longer just confined to the safety of his own head, just like hers aren't, and it's a restless nervousness that can't be stifled unless they part ways, only that option means being alone with the thoughts in his head and... Yeah. Yeah, he's already made the decision he'd rather have company with her than to be alone, and that ironically means being unable to escape the thoughts on some weird level.
Which means the only thing to do with them is lance them, slowly, like bleeding a wound. He pauses at her question, and he wonders if she can hear him shirk back from it with a soft kneejerk whisper. Ashamed in that weird way again, ashamed that hearing her say Vasya's name aloud makes his heart skip an unpleasant beat because it confirms she really can read what's inside of him, Konstantin pushes forwards verbally, to try and shut his thoughts off. He doesn't trust his own mind not to betray him with... whatever it's thinking, up under everything else. Run away, run away, run away from him before he runs away from me instead ]
Yes. [ He says, more softly than he even meant to. His eyes flit down to the thread in question, flickering in some parts, but mostly solid. Red as blood. Soul mate, Chloe brought up, and other people have said things like that too. It scares the hell out of him. ]
I don't believe in things like that, though. Whatever this is... suggesting. Some people say it could be 'soul mates.' [ Because that's what this thread supposedly represents, right? Or something like it. He's figured it out; the gold are people his heart cares about even if only a little, even if in all of his detached, cautious ways, and the red is someone he loves, different than the others, but also different than anyone else he's ever had before. He loved Alexsei's mother, in a way, and yet no red thread connects him to her. There was no... future with her, no ending, no path to keep taking.
With Vasiliy, he can't fathom an ending, is terrified of it, more and more each day. And that's what's different. ]
Do you? [ Believe in it. He takes a beat, a little careful. This is all... weird, sensitive, personal. He smiles again a little, to put something a bit wry to it, like a joke almost, even if none of this is remotely funny. Soul mates... whatever, right? That's ridiculous; the world doesn't work that way. ] This Edward guy... he your 'soul mate', do you think?