[ He doesn't have to have access to the woman's thoughts to realise just how poorly she's taking the question. He'd almost framed it a little teasingly, or tried to, like some inside joke between them — two people stepping away from such a daunting concept, look at us! — only it seems to horrify her in a way he hadn't meant to, and his brows knit as he looks quickly over at her, catching that fumble out of the corner of his vision.
One hand starts to move up out of his pocket, but she's already caught herself, and he lets it relax again, though only into something clenched and a little tense once more. It is... a horrifying concept, it is. He's had time to nurse it, to think about it, and it's part of what's been consuming his thoughts and smothering him out of his own mind these past days. Maybe she never thought of it like that. It doesn't seem like she has. And to be fair to her, even the act of loving someone isn't the same as thinking of them as some kind of soul mate. It's— it's heavy.
I'm sorry he thinks, not wholly meaning to direct it to her telepathically, but the thought coils unpleasantly in him and insists on making itself known. The creature even reacts to it, to her, just as sensitive to her influence, and he feels a sudden hitch of ache that has him a little breathless for a moment.
But he's still looking over at her, and he can hear those echoes of doubt, and he understands that her relationship with this person is even more complicated than what he has with Vasiliy. Complicated in different ways, maybe. ]
Right? It's stupid, [ he quickly agrees with a nod, affirming it for both of them. It makes no sense. And before he knows it, he's adding on something about Vasya again, revealing more, even as much as he wanted to flinch away from that idea. Now he wants to keep reassuring both of them, it's necessary, he needs to talk himself down. ]
We're not even from the same time. Vasya's— he's from my past. We never would have met otherwise. Whatever this is— [ a hand lifts in gesture, even if she can't see his own red, glinting string ] —it isn't that. [ Isn't something spiritual, higher, otherworldly. Most of all, it isn't something beyond their control. ]
...I suppose I don't know how to define what this really means, is the thing. [ And he sighs, frowning again as his eyes cut to the line of trees, as they make their way further out. If he keeps going, he'll eventually reach his own home. (Their home.) ]
We're not really... we're not a couple. [ Even saying that word out loud makes his mental state twitchy again and he actually winces a little. That's not a word for him. Two halves of a whole, a pair, yoked at the throats. Except he has been those things with Vasiliy for a very long time now, and he might even take pride in such a thing, sometimes. They've built something together, a place for each other. He's just— afraid, because nothing lasts, and he isn't meant to be someone's safe place to land, to dock. ]
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One hand starts to move up out of his pocket, but she's already caught herself, and he lets it relax again, though only into something clenched and a little tense once more. It is... a horrifying concept, it is. He's had time to nurse it, to think about it, and it's part of what's been consuming his thoughts and smothering him out of his own mind these past days. Maybe she never thought of it like that. It doesn't seem like she has. And to be fair to her, even the act of loving someone isn't the same as thinking of them as some kind of soul mate. It's— it's heavy.
I'm sorry he thinks, not wholly meaning to direct it to her telepathically, but the thought coils unpleasantly in him and insists on making itself known. The creature even reacts to it, to her, just as sensitive to her influence, and he feels a sudden hitch of ache that has him a little breathless for a moment.
But he's still looking over at her, and he can hear those echoes of doubt, and he understands that her relationship with this person is even more complicated than what he has with Vasiliy. Complicated in different ways, maybe. ]
Right? It's stupid, [ he quickly agrees with a nod, affirming it for both of them. It makes no sense. And before he knows it, he's adding on something about Vasya again, revealing more, even as much as he wanted to flinch away from that idea. Now he wants to keep reassuring both of them, it's necessary, he needs to talk himself down. ]
We're not even from the same time. Vasya's— he's from my past. We never would have met otherwise. Whatever this is— [ a hand lifts in gesture, even if she can't see his own red, glinting string ] —it isn't that. [ Isn't something spiritual, higher, otherworldly. Most of all, it isn't something beyond their control. ]
...I suppose I don't know how to define what this really means, is the thing. [ And he sighs, frowning again as his eyes cut to the line of trees, as they make their way further out. If he keeps going, he'll eventually reach his own home. (Their home.) ]
We're not really... we're not a couple. [ Even saying that word out loud makes his mental state twitchy again and he actually winces a little. That's not a word for him. Two halves of a whole, a pair, yoked at the throats. Except he has been those things with Vasiliy for a very long time now, and he might even take pride in such a thing, sometimes. They've built something together, a place for each other. He's just— afraid, because nothing lasts, and he isn't meant to be someone's safe place to land, to dock. ]