3. You may be a warning of things to come.

[bestsir]

Who: Harry Goodsir and divers hands
What: La'an's postmortem and after
Where: The Milton church
When: After the Darkwalker claims its victim
Warnings: There's an autopsy. Goodsir has some PTSD. Fun for the whole family.

The unheated church basement will do for a mortuary. Someone finds a long table and Goodsir has La'an's poor cold corpse laid out on it, covered with a sheet.

He hasn't performed an autopsy—

(Twenty. I have performed on—)

—here, not yet. The deaths that have occurred so far have presented no mystery, but La'an's is something new and terrifying, and Goodsir feels he must get to the bottom of it.

[ There are a couple of prompts for Goodsir specifically, but feel free to start your own threads. ]

Comments

[bestsir]

Goodsir shakes his head.

"I shall be. But I am ... this business has troubled me with memories, bringing them back as vividly as if they happened yesterday. They grip my heart and weaken my hands and it shames me, to be so weak."

The concept of PTSD—or even shell-shock—is not part of the vocabulary of a man from the 1840s, and he can only feel shame for his near-breakdown.

[castitas]

"What—? No, no—" even as gentle as her voice is, there's a particular firmness there. She's reminded of Levi, how he told her that he has nightmares — the fact he was a soldier, fighting in some war. And Kate feels at a loss, because she doesn't know how to help it beyond what little she's capable of.

"You've got nothing to be ashamed of, and... and you're not weak. Not for one second." she can at least assure him of that. "That's... it's like a real thing, a medical thing."

[bestsir]

"It's kind of you to say so," he says. A medical thing? He doesn't understand—how can a flaw in a man's mind be medical? "But I know full well I'm not the man I once was. If the soul can have a scar, then mine does."

[castitas]

"Well, I don't know know about that, considering I've only ever known you to be a kind and good person." And she means that. He's never been anything but that, even if it's all... complicated. She still believes him to be those things.

"I can't... exactly speak about anyone's soul." That's not her job. There's only one person she believes to have that job — but she leaves that part unsaid. "But things can leave a scar on a person's mind. The terrible things... they stick with you."

Which... also goes without saying, given things lately.

[bestsir]

"True." He scrubs both hands over his face. "And it makes me question what good I can do, haunted as I am."

[castitas]

"I think you're trying to do the best you can." she insists, gently. And she believes that. No one asked him to take up the reins of town doctor, or to carry out this awful task.

"That's all anyone can ever ask of a person. To try. And you're trying even despite the things that have happened. That means something, you know?"

[bestsir]

"Even though it may be futile?" he says, but Kate's words are soothing nevertheless. "Perhaps it's arrogant of me, to think that anything I do in a case like this would make a difference. But I can't stand by."

[castitas]

"Well, you never know... it might not be futile after all. That's why it's important to try." And even if things don't work out, it can't be said an attempt wasn't made. People remember the actions taken. Hope is hard to hold onto, but it's there.

"I think it makes a difference. Just... maybe the answer of 'what kind of difference' might not be so obvious, at first." she tells him with a small smile. "Try to be kinder to yourself about it. You deserve that, you know?"

And even if he doesn't, she's here to remind him of that.

[bestsir]

He smiles faintly. "I shall try," he says. Not much conviction in it ... but it's Kate asking, and he can try to keep his chin up for her sake if nothing else.

[castitas]

Kate smiles in reply, it's warm despite the heaviness of it all. Trying is certainly all she can ask for him.

"I should... go." she says finally, moving to stand. "Come by the Hall later, when you're done here. I can make you some tea?"

Probably do him the world of good, all things considered.

"I... don't think any of us are gonna sleep much tonight, anyway."

[bestsir]

He nods. "All right. But you needn't wait for me. You should get some rest if you can."

[castitas]

"I think we both know that that's probably not gonna happen." she says gently, reaching for his shoulder.

There's a sad, tight smile at her lips and she places her hand for a moment. With the barest of squeezes, she lets go and heads out.