singillatim | I need new clothes, I need somewhere to stay

Then don't set traps.

[ Look, Lalo! Isn't he solving all your problems so neatly!

Granted, it's not like he's forgotten why the other wanted to do so in the first place, but it's not like Bigby is just going to let himself get pulled into doing something for someone else this way, no matter how much he wants to keep this place safe. But it is the latter reason why he doesn't just leave it at that unhelpful remark, actually continuing with: ]

If you're so worried about someone breaking in, just ask Edward to make sure his patrols pass by your house a little more regularly. Surely you've seen him before, yeah? [ It's hard to not notice him with the regularity of his patrols, Bigby thinks.. It's how he noticed the other in the first place, after all. ] Muttonchops, wears a big officer's coat? He's keeping an eye on stuff.

[ Lalo makes a mental note not to share anything of importance with Mr. Muttonchops, who apparently is the kind of narc that goes around "making patrols". ]

I just got back, so unfortunately, I haven't had the pleasure! But I can't wait to meet him. Definitely feel safer now that I know we have somebody taking care of all the ne'er-do-wells, that's for sure!

[ But he grins at Bigby. ]

But I think you know why it's more fun to catch her in the act. Make her pay for it. Eh? [ Lalo shrugs. ] Don't worry! I won't her. I just wanna see her sweat.

You came out to see me for a reason, so... help me set these traps, and I'll tell you whatever it is you need to know, Officer. [ No, Bigby never said he was a cop. He absolutely does not need to. Lalo can smell "cop" from a mile away.

And he's still as cheerful as ever!! Anyway, he's not lying. He thinks there's a chance Bigby might understand why he and Chloe need to occupy their time with this to avoid going stir-crazy. ]

[ He definitely notices the other catching onto something at the end there - but it's fine with Bigby. He's pretty used to this by now. At least half of the people here in town seem to realise he's a cop (or, you know, technically.. a cop..) before he's ever even mentioned it. Probably something about him or his attitude that Bigby doesn't particularly care to fix.

The man is still quiet though. For a moment. It's easy to assume that it's because he is considering Lalo's offer, but apparently he was doing something else. Since when he speaks up again after that quiet moment, it's with a raised eyebrow, and-- ]

Is this some sorta sexual thing between you two?

[ Apparently more than one person is leaping to assumptions here.. Bigby, please, you can't say that to a guy's face!! ]

[ Whatever Lalo was expecting Bigby to say next, it clearly wasn't that. For a moment, he's amazingly stunned into silence. His eyes go wide. If he was drinking something, he'd spit it out.

Then his face spreads out, slowly, into a slightly embarrassed grin. He winks. He's not a good winker, by the way, even though he does it all the time.

He half-points, half-shakes a finger at Bigby. ]

You know, I didn't want to admit it outright... but you caught us. Yeah. It is.

So, what do you say? Wanna help me win over a pretty lady?

Edited 2024-03-15 04:02 (UTC)

For the record, this is the most fucked up thing anyone's ever asked me.

[ And apparently Bigby is more than willing to believe it. It makes sense in his head to him, after all. With the way Lalo is talking about all of this, it definitely sounds like some weirdass thing going on between him and this woman.

And the dry, yet exasperated tone he says that with makes it completely clear Bigby is definitely believing this story. ]

Look, if it means neither if you is going to get yourself killed doing something fucking stupid, then sure, I'll help. Just make sure I don't actually have to think about what you're going to do.

[ Wait, he believed that???

Truthfully, Lalo wasn't expecting that to work, and he said it almost as a joke as much as a real attempt at deception. Imagining the disgusted, horrified reaction from Bigby and Chloe's irritation when she realizes what he'd told someone had been entertainment enough for him, but now...

Now...

This is, frankly, way better.

Lalo beams and plows full steam ahead. ]

Wait. You're gonna help? You're not just shitting me? Thanks, man! I owe you. Hey, if you ever need a wingman, I'm your guy.

[ Look at that bright smile, Bigby! You made him so happy! ]

Yeah, yeah. Don't make me rethink this one.

[ Because he will, Lalo!

.. well, not right now, but maybe if he's pushed. Right now he's definitely planning on going ahead and helping out, regardless of his own grumbling about the entire thing.

Though there's one thing he can't help but feels he needs to make very clear: ]

And don't get any weird ideas about the wingman thing. I'm not interested in anyone here that way. [ Especially not any way that involves.. well, the weird sexual games Bigby now assumes Lalo and Chloe are having. ] And I'll never be.

Suit yourself!

[ Lalo shrugs, happy to let the wingman thing go. But hey, Bigby... if you ever change your mind about that... you clearly know where to find him!!

With his new "friend's" assistance, Lalo starts to get a foot snare set up. Of course, he's more than willing to listen to Bigby's expertise here. ]

Hey! I didn't forget, you know. I said I'd tell you what the old guy told me, didn't I?

[ Granted, this stuff isn't.. fully Bigby's expertise, given that his own style of hunting doesn't really rely on traps or anything of the sort. But as a creature of the forest, he has seen enough traps that he's able to give some guidance here and help Lalo set up.

He actually gets kind of into it. Enough to forget for a moment why they're doing this - or why Bigby assumed they're doing this, anyway. Instead he's just focused on the snare itself, until Lalo speaks up with those words.

There's a little bit of surprise in Bigby's eyes when he looks over at the other man. ]

.. right. [ He even forgot about that part for a moment, apparently. Even though Bigby actually wanted to know! ] So what did he say?

[ Hey, Lalo doesn't forget a deal. He makes good on his promises. ]

To the East, past Milton - Methuselah told me there lies the Timberwolf Mountain and Bittermarsh Muskeg, even further past that lies Keeper's Pass — and then the wilds of Blackwood and the nameless places. There are wilder areas of the Northern Territories than the wilds of Milton.

He told me about the Darkwalker, too. He says the call it the Devourer. The "end of everything". Kids used to scare each other with stories about it.

[ He seems to take in the information for a moment. Bigby isn't sure if he'll be able to remember all those names of places at once, but-- hey, he'll try.

There's something about that last point that sticks out to him more than even the rest, though. ]

You can find legends about that stuff pretty much anywhere. [ He points out. ] They just call it different things. The Boogeyman.

[ Or, more importantly, and what Bigby is definitely thinking of-- ]

The Big Bad Wolf.

"The Big Bad Wolf?"

[ Lalo's amusement is obvious. He lights up like a child. But he's wary, too, uncertain. He was just attacked by a wolf, after all, and while he's not afraid of them, he's very aware now of what claws and teeth can do. ]

So, now I gotta know. What do they say the The Big Bad Wolf does where you're from, Officer?

They sent entire armies after him. [ It might be strange to anyone else, talking about yourself as if you're speaking of a different person entirely, but.. It's not so strange to Bigby anymore when it's been centuries since that time for him by now.]

But he killed them all. They couldn't even get a scratch on him. Even ate most of them, they say.

[ You know, Lalo.

A very normal story.

Bigby sure seems to share it relatively casually, anyway. ]

Considering that Darkwalker only took once of us, it seems like it's working way slower than that.

Entire enemies? Wow. That's amazing. [ Something about the way Lalo says that almost feels like he's reading from a script, but his eyes light up with genuine fascination and interest.

The thing about "eating" entire armies is even more fascinating. Lalo nods slightly, absorbing that. He takes a small swig of his whiskey, relishing the burn as it slides down his throat. Only a small swig, though. As much as he likes talking to Bigby (sorry, Bigby), he's not trying to get blackout drunk around somebody who just told him something like that. ]

Maybe it's not working slow on purpose. Maybe it needs to build up its strength before it can do anything else.

I need new clothes, I need somewhere to stay

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warning that this is semi-nsfw, i'm sorry!!!

don't be sorry lol it's perfect

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