singillatim | OTA - Let that yawn out;

Entry tags:

OTA - Let that yawn out;

Who: Heartman and OTA, plus a few closed starters
What: Good News: Heartman knows how to make warding amulets against the Darkwalker. Bad news: he's got Pneumonia because of it.
When: Just after the latest darkwalker attacks + just before the town meeeting
Where: Heartman's makeshift lab + cabin

Content Warnings: TBD

i. closed to Fraser;

[ To say he's grateful to the Mountie once he sees him would be the understatement of the century. To Heartman's credit, he's managed to walk most of the way to his cabin by himself before he has to lean against the nearest wall, out of breath, the room spinning. It's not an unfamiliar sensation but it is a very, very unwelcome one.

He doesn't regret it. Heartman's sweating in the cold, his coughs are painful and his heart feels like it's working overtime despite his issue being a lung infection--he suspects he may still be immunocompromised in Milton as well, considering his condition--but if he just takes a few minutes to rest...

He looks up after trying to stop the dizziness, pushing off of the wall only to see a familiar sight: clean shaven, square jaw, red uniform. He half-waves. ]

Is it safe to presume you're rescuing me a second time? [ His smile is faint, face pale as he fights the urge to fall--best he lean back on the side of the wall again. He's clearly visibly relieved despite his small, tiny joke. ]

ii. OTA - visits while ill;

[ The door to his cabin and makeshift lab remains unlocked as it always does. Courtesy of a few kind people looking out for him, there's a constant fire as Heartman stays underneath thick, warm blankets on the couch. He's no stranger to falling in and out of sleep, although it's perhaps a sign he really is sick when his body completely stops its natural 20 minute cycles and he remains napping for a long, long while, only his own coughing or someone entering waking him up.

He keeps busy: he reads books, some found in his place already and some from the library if he can sucker a poor soul into going for him. He's always welcoming guests, even if he's drifting in and out of it. Dief is curled up at his feet or on top of him at times, clearly a very important part in healing.

That's not to say he isn't bored. Restlessness comes easy when he feels like he can do something--should be doing something--and a visitor who gets him on one of these moments may get him attempting to sit up, speaking after a flurry of coughs. ]

Please, stay--company would be wonderful. I'm in dire need of someone to fill me in on what I've missed. What happened while I've been gone?

iii. OTA - darkwalker warding;

[ When he feels well enough--at the very least when he can actually concentrate on something other than a few pages at a time in whatever book he's got on him--he'll get to work. After the town meeting, if anyone comes in there will be two small piles of stones on the coffee table by where he's lying or sitting down. Heartman, knife in hand as he's in the middle of carving something, will raise it slightly in a greeting. ]

Do forgive the mess.

[ It is rather cluttered. Asides from the two piles of stones and the stacks of books scattered around his spot there is also an absurd amount of scraps of paper strewn about with his handwriting as he theorizes and tries to put together pieces of a puzzle he's unsure if he'll ever solve. Stranger or friend alike, the half-smile is the same. ]

Did Fraser reach out to you about the talismans? Please, have a seat.

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[ Billy is quiet, like Sam, and Heartman has no problems letting him puzzle it out. It's probably for the best--he's not at full capacity anyway, and a small lull as the other thinks is a perfect time to get himself a little more comfortable.

If there's hesitation, Heartman doesn't clock it: a mix of his usual scattered thinking and the fact that homophobia just plain isn't a thing where he's from. He does, however, give a very genuine thumbs up. ]

That's excellent. And important. Humans--us, homo aurora--need communities, yes, but other bonds as well. Deeper ones. I would argue companionship is a biological necessity. Dopamine and Oxytocin are quite lovely chemicals to have swimming around in your brain, and love lets that happen quite easily.

Keep him close, Billy. It would be a shame if you lost him again.

[ For a moment Billy's mind is stuck on trying to figure out what that homo aurora joke means, but that's when something suddenly clicks in his mind. Not about the joke - no, that's a little too smart and beyond his time for him to properly figure it out - but about the rest of what Heartman says. It hits him so suddenly that it feels like getting hit by a train.

Heartman clocked that he was speaking about love, no matter how careful Billy's words. It makes sense, he supposes, since the other is highly intelligent, but-- there's still surprise in him realising it so easily - does Billy show it that much? - and then him seeming.. okay with it? Even though Heartman himself is clearly into women. Billy saw that picture of his family.

It means he can't hide his genuinely baffled expression as he looks over at the other man. ]

You-- [ Blink. ] You do not mind, Mr. Heartman?

Mind what?

[ Heartman's blink is slow and catlike, lips slightly parted as he waits for some sort of elaboration. ]

[ It's so strange to see Heartman not instantly figuring it out, even though it should be obvious. Sure, Billy can figure that maybe it's since the whole thing against it doesn't exist where the other comes from, but that thought is also just.. wild.. He can't fully process it. ]

Men.. being together in that sort of sense, I mean.

[ Even his wording is so careful. Like Billy is - even now - worried about this situation rapidly becoming worse if he says or does one thing wrong here.

He awkwardly shifts in his seat. ]

I was with the Her Majesty's Royal Navy back home. The Navy's Articles-- [ A slight pause. ] They refer to that sort of sodomy as an unnatural and detestable sin.

[ Heartman opens his mouth wider, closes his mouth, and his gaze hits the floor as the realization sinks in. ]

Ah.

[ Well, this is certainly embarrassing on his part. Heartman puts a hand to his chin in thought. ]

A vast amount of information on the past was lost during the Death Stranding. The Naval regulations of Victorian England must have been, too. [ Or more likely: it's still around, Heartman just had no need to look it up in his studies. Heartman waves his hand and looks at Bill expectantly. ]

Rangifer Tarandus. Megaptera. Canis Lupus. Vulpes lagopus. Bison Bison. Panthera Leo. What do all of these animals have in common?

Edited 2024-04-04 20:04 (UTC)

[ At least Billy doesn't blame the other for not knowing the Articles. Who outside the navy even would, really - and even on top of that, it's very clear to him that people here come from very different times and places than he does. Especially Heartman, with all his strange talk of a world that seems so beyond anything Billy himself has ever known.

.. but then Heartman continues, and.. things get more confusing for sure. It takes a moment for Billy to even catch on to what the other is talking about, only realising it's the scientific way of referring to animals when the other reaches that last part. He mostly recognizes it because of lieutenant Hodgson's constant trivia facts, especially since it's not like Billy has had any fancy education.. Who knew being forced to listen to those for years would come in handy one day after all.

Not that it helps him get far, despite a genuine attempt to figure this out. He isn't sure where Heartman is going with this, after all, and Billy doesn't want to seem dumb. He's pretty sure bison are animals that live in North America..? And the last thing sounds like.. a panther and a lion, so some sort of big cat-like creature..? He's very much lost on anything that comes before it though, no matter how much he puts his brain to work.

Hence why he speaks up after a few moments of quiet thought with: ]

Is this some sort of test?

[ He sounds very puzzled, his eyebrows knit together into a frown. ]

[ Heartman is smiling gently, encouragingly. If there's ever a professor mode, it's him right now--attentive, gentle. Curious. ]

An example in the form of a quiz, yes.

[ He's gotta science his way into the point, Billy. ]

[ This is so incredibly dumb.

And yet, despite consciously realising that, Billy's brain refuses to give up on the thought of trying to solve it all the same. The duality of man, truly. ]

.. I am not used to their scientific names. [ He slowly admits.

Not that he likes doing it. It feels too close to admitting he's dumb, to admitting that he hasn't had the same schooling privileges as others, just because he wasn't born into some rich family. And he hates feeling lesser. It takes every single bit of steward qualities he's got within him to keep a more or less composed face, trying to not show the shame at having to ask for a hint like this. ]

What other names do those animals have?

You'll learn. [ Gentle, patient--if Heartman wasn't so obsessed with chasing after his long gone family and trying to solve humanity's imminent destruction, if somehow things magically went back to normal in his world or even this one, he'd most likely go back to writing thesis and lecturing students. He misses it. He misses this. As it is, Heartman nods encouragingly. ]

Reindeer, whales, wolves, foxes, bison, lions... All animals from a wide variety of genus and species that have known homosexual tendencies. And, of course, homo sapiens.

They do?

[ At least his surprise at that idea is enough to wipe away the frustration at not having been able to figure it out himself. Still, given that he was never properly schooled, there's no way Billy could have reached that answer on his own without Heartman just saying it..

His eyes go wide with surprise for a moment, but then narrow again as the man instead seems to grow more thoughtful. ]

Then why do humans insist on calling it unnatural? [ Granted, it never felt that way to Billy. Not from within.

But society sure loves making him feel that way all the same. Especially considering how much time he was forced to spend around the Victorian era equivalent of a homophobic manager. ]

[ Billy’s look gets Heartman’s thumbs up--good! He’s thinking!--but as Billy speaks it’s Heartman's turn to mull it over. He tilts his head to the side, a soft hum from his lips. ]

Because one of the unfortunate drawbacks of humanity as a whole–something we must collectively strive to change, no matter who we are or where we’re from or when we’re from–is that a lot of times, when confronted with somethings different, or a new perspective, our base instinct is to fear it.

That’s how it was before, in my world.

[ He glances over. ]

I suppose the unfortunate truth is that it’s easier to be cruel hearted to someone who, unlike a lion, is lacking sharp claws and teeth. But bit by bit--and with help from those who understand and a lot of effort--homosexuality will hardly be a thing to bat an eye about soon.

...If my database were only here, I could show you tangible proof.

[ There's a slight pause, but then he shakes his head. ]

No, I.. believe you about that one. I have heard as much. [ Granted, Hickey was the sole source on that one at first, but Billy does like to think that his lover wouldn't lie to him about having overheard something like that here in town. That in the future it will be.. okay. Normal.

It's too bad Billy never lived back home to see it, huh. ]

Though the sentiment unfortunately seems to live on here.

[ He doesn't look directly at Heartman as he speaks, instead turning back to the talismans they're working on. This isn't something Billy has told many people about - pretty much no one, really - but he trusts the other man with the knowledge. ]

Someone from this town broke into my home the other day. He attacked my.. [ ... Hm. Billy has never really had to put the thing between him and Hickey into words, and it just makes him.. pause.. Like he doesn't quite know how to put it now..

At least the way his voice trails off makes it pretty clear that he meant something along the lines of 'lover/boyfriend/husband', even if he doesn't pick a specific word. ]

And then he started saying all sorts of awful things about us, just because we are s-- [ Okay, maybe he's got to stop using sodomites, even if it's what he's used to. ] --homosexuals.

[ He says the word so slowly. Like he's mostly just repeating that one from Heartman, trying to get used to it. ]

[ It's certainly unexpected. Whereas Billy continues to focus on work, burying himself into something easier to look at than another human being while showing vulnerability--Heartman can't blame him, he does the same thing, eye contact is frightful at times--Heartman stares. His voice is very, very quiet and very, very soft. ]

Who broke in, Billy?

.. Rorschach.

[ His hands are still on the talisman, working on it, fingers not stopping even as he says the name. ]

The man in the mask. [ He figures it's an easy enough way to recognize the other. After all, how many people walk around town like that? Pretty much no one but Rorschach, making the man incredibly easy to identify, even if Heartman might not have heard the other's name before. ] He was..

[ Now his fingers grow slower, until they start moving altogether.

Truthfully, Billy had felt powerful in the moment, being able to get rid of Rorschach, being able to protect what's important to him for once, after having been forced to watch all this time back home.

But he had also felt the terror, and it's the latter emotion that comes to him the most in front of Heartman. Especially when the other seems to be taking his concerns so seriously.

It's a new thing for Billy. Being heard and seen. Only one person ever saw him. ]

He was acting like a madman. All violence and intensity. [ He swallows, but still doesn't look at Heartman. ] I thought he would kill Cornelius.

[ Heartman inhales sharply, pushing his glasses up from where they've been sliding down his face. There's a sticky feeling in his stomach, more than disgust. He's pleased Billy is sharing his story with him, even if the subject matter leaves a lot to be desired.

It's a piece of him, though. As harrowing as it is. ]

I'm glad you and Cornelius weren't hurt. Was this during an Aurora, by any chance? Or any of the months where we were all... [ How to say this delicately? ] Unwell?

[ Fucking crazy? ]

Edited 2024-06-03 18:26 (UTC)

[ He shakes his head. ]

No, he is-- he is just like that. Regularly. He also threatened me when I first showed up here. [ Granted, that had nothing to do with Billy's sexuality. Nor did this entire incident at the very start, though it did devolve into a bit of a hatecrime halfway through all the same.

It did very much settle the image of Rorschach as a madman in his mind though.

Billy sucks in a breath, like he's steeling himself, and then properly looks back over at the other man. ]

I imagine he was looking for Cornelius because of the fight between him and Mr. Jopson that had happened just before then. Though I can't see any good reason to attack Cornelius when it had been Mr. Jopson who started that fight. And yet Rorschach seemed so determined to hurt Cornelius, not wanting to listen to even a word of reason.

[ Heartman remains attentive, listening with his usual sharp gaze though it's pointed not at Billy but instead a spot just by him as he churns the other's words over.

He is absolutely going to start taking proper note of Rorschach, if only to dissuade him from poking around. ]

In the event that this is not an unfortunate one-off and becomes a recurring incident, I would highly advise allowing Constable Fraser to know of the situation.

[ .. oh.

That's a complicated suggestion for many different reasons. For a moment Billy contemplates whether or not he should tell Heartman - but it feels too risky. Even if the other reacted relatively well to Billy coming out about his sexuality, it feels like a little bit too much to get into just why Fraser of all people makes him kind of nervous, just like all the other people here who insists on laws and punishment.

He doesn't want to paint Cornelius in a bad light to the other man, after all.

So instead of going for that particular angle, Billy pauses for a moment only to then say: ]

.. what could he do though, Mr. Heartman? [ He slowly - almost cautiously - looks over at the other, something in his eyes clearly a touch worried. ] What could any of us do? We are just a group of humans living together far from civilisation.

[ Without any sort of society. Without structure.

Which suits Billy in many ways, so he isn't complaining, but it does mean he believes no one can do anything about Rorschach. It's why Billy had no choice but to defend himself from the man. No one else was going to. Well-- No one but Hickey, anyway. ]

[ Heartman stops what he’s doing to put a hand on his chin in a habitual gesture. He grows quiet as he mulls it over, genuinely giving the other’s statement the time it deserves. ]

Community–and communication–are as paramount as the bonds we must forge together in order to survive.

[ Which isn’t an answer, no, but he’s speaking aloud, mulling it over like he had Billy mull over the scientific names for animals. ]

As isolated as where I come from was, as lawless as it was, there was still a government, still the barest hint of a network, and a chiral one being added overtime, but… Hmm. There may be some truth to your words, Billy. [ His eyes narrow. An unfortunate truth, but a truth all the same. ]

All the reason to never give up.

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OTA - Let that yawn out;

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cw: period-typical homophobia

bILLLYYYYY

he's been straight up not having a good time!!!!!

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