I'd sit there and look at the deserted lakes and I'd sing

[singmod]

MARCH 2024 EVENT

PROMPT ONE — EXIT STRATEGY: With the way via the main road a no-go, Methuselah finds a potential and very dangerous way out of the Milton area: the Milton Mines. During the Aurora, the Interlopers must find a way to safely navigate the mines and find a way through.

PROMPT TWO — BRAVE NEW WORLD: Interlopers make their way into the Lakeside area, and are free to explore the more of the Northern Territories: a place of both industry and leisure.

PROMPT THREE — THE ECHO: On Aurora nights, the aftermath of the Darkwalker's attack on the Interlopers continues to ripple through the community — with a painful affliction.

EXIT STRATEGY

WHEN: Mid-month.
WHERE: Milton Mines.
CONTENT WARNINGS: claustrophobic situations; potential injury/maiming; potential electrocution/electrocution injuries; potential burn injuries; hyperthermic situations; exploration horror;


Unusually, Methuselah returns to the town around the middle of the month. He is looking pleased and will ask that the Interlopers gather in the Community Hall. Once gathered, he climbs onto the small stage at one end of the Hall and explains that following last month’s Feast, he set out to try to find a way out of Milton, and he believes he may have found a way out.

He goes on to explain that although the Milton Mine has been closed for many years, there may still be access through the mine. The mine had two entrances through either sides of the stone, one on the Milton side since many of the residents worked the mine back in the day, but there was also an additional entrance on the opposite side, which led to a railway track that allowed easier export of coal and precious materials towards the coast. Having gained access, he believes the mine seems to mostly remain intact, but not easy to get through. However, he discovered that during the Aurora, the old mine and its electronics came to life — meaning a way through is certainly possible during those times with the added electronics in play.

It is not much, and it is certainly incredibly dangerous, but it is something. There is certainly no way out towards the south; towards the north might be the Interlopers’ best chance of finding a way out of Milton.

Methuselah will ask for any volunteers to join him in trying to find a way out via the mines, taking them up north and then waiting for an Aurora to happen before they can then make their way through and explore the mine system. Anyone is free to sign up, and he suggests someone drawing up a sign up sheet so that Interlopers have an idea of who is leaving the town on the journey.

The hike towards the mines is a long one, taking a few hours on an incline to reach the northern mountains. Waiting on the Aurora may take time, so setting up camp is the next step — waiting for night and hoping the skies fill with night soon. Interlopers are free to explore the mine beforehand, but will find a lot of it locked up tight. With areas unreachable without power and the darkness suffocating, they won’t get very far.

When the Aurora does finally come, the mine will come to life: the system’s lighting will come on throughout, albeit flickering and a little unreliable. Machinery and track systems whir and groan as the mine slowly cranks itself into functioning once more. While there are maps of the system to help Interlopers navigate the system — showing a second entrance labelled as ‘Lakeside Entrance’ — the true difficulty in getting through lies in wait.

Interlopers will find that parts of the system have been partially flooded: with the frigid water in places mostly ankle deep and others reaching no higher than knee-high on an average-height man. What’s worse, is the half-destroyed electrics ravaged by both time and the Aurora mean plenty of loose wires hanging here and there. It’s possible to accidentally catch yourself on them, meaning burn injuries and mild electric shocks — but care should be taken in checking if these wires may have fallen into these flooded parts. Stepping into these live waters will be far more deadly. They will also find that the electronically-powered gates that open through into areas may not function, with the fuses having been blown.

Gaining access through the mine is not impossible, however. It will simply require a little bit of legwork. One of the larger caverns of the mines houses a fuse board. Characters can switch off sections of the mines in order to traverse them safely, find new fuses in toolboxes scattered through the mines in order to open the gates and make their way through to gain access to the elevator of the mine — which will also require new fuses, in order to power the electrics to get it to function.

It is perhaps, most frustrating, that once Interlopers get the elevator working and head downwards into the final section of the mine, that they will come across hand-cranks — allowing them to use the elevator without the need for electricity. But at least the hard part is over, and the Interlopers now have a way through from Milton that doesn’t require relying on the Aurora to power the mine’s electrics.

On the lower section of the mine, there will be a handful of more gated rooms to get through before reaching the Lakeside Entrance, and more wires and flooded areas to traverse. But you can taste it: something on the air. You’re close.

You’ve made it, Interloper.

BRAVE NEW WORLD

WHEN: Mid-month, onwards.
WHERE: Milton Mines (Lakeside Entrance); The Ravine; Lakeside area.
CONTENT WARNINGS: themes of exploration/survival; themes of peril; acrophobia; potential character/npc death from falls; potential injuries, potential cold injuries/hyperthermia risk;

Coming out of the mines, you will be greeted by a small mining camp and railway track enclosed by mountains on both sides. It’s incredibly sheltered here, with little wind chill and not as much snow on the ground compared to some of the more open areas of Milton. It may be best to rest here for the rest of the night. There are several portacabins that were used to house some of the former miners, along with additional cabins with one being some kind of foreman’s office, one that served as a kind of mess hall and one for bathing/toilet needs.

While there is little in terms of supplies left in there, some scraps may be found here and there — plus the cabins will provide decent shelter from the cold, which may be the last Interlopers will get ahead of the long walk down through the mountain track and into Lakeside. There is also plenty of coal left lying around, too — allowing for Interlopers to craft fires to keep warm. Even with it being sheltered, it’s still cold out.

In terms of where to go from here, the only way seems to be to follow the track. It’s a long walk, but rather straightforward if you keep to the tracks. A good few hours of it, but it’s quiet — and there doesn’t seem to be much in the way of wildlife or windchill here. It almost seems too easy, or as easy as it could be in regards to a long walk through thick snow.

Until you come face to face with the ravine.

The world opens up to you, with the tracks stretching over a huge valley via a… mostly sturdy-looking wooden and steel bridge. There doesn’t seem to be any way around it, no alternative route of getting over to the other side. Crossing the bridge is the only option. Care should be taken, with Interlopers now being vulnerable to the wind and the snow-laden tracks. As sturdy as the bridge looks, it seems to creak and groan under the weight of a single footstep. There even appears to be the remains of fall train-carts in the depths, from some unfortunate incident years ago. It’s probably fine.

Crossing the bridge and continuing down the tracks will eventually have the world opening up even more — you’ve finally reached Lakeside. Thick boreal forests crowd around the tracks, and in places, Interlopers will note that the tracks have buckled and become badly damaged. When they find roads, they will also find them in similar states of disrepair from beneath the snow. Following them for another hour or so will eventually lead to Lakeside’s Maintenance Yard. From here, there is a road, with directions: signs pointing towards Milton, the Coast, Lakeside Resort and the Carter Hydrodam.

For those interested in searching the Maintenance Yard, they will be greeted by a large, fenced in building. Fortunately, a great deal of the fencing has been damaged with the bad weather and it is easy enough to gain access. The place is a bit of a mess: scrap metal, wood, and dissued trucks and cars litter the yard, along with wood that can be used for kindling and firewood. Inside the Maintenance Yard, it is a little bit of a mechanic’s dream. There’s plenty of tools in this place, and even a forge which could be used for crafting if someone has the patience to fire it up and keep it hot for long enough. There’s plenty of stores of coal, at least. But in terms of a living space, there’s not much else other than a small break room with some comfy chairs to catch some quick shut-eye. Searching the Yard for any letters or such will reveal a similar theme to that of Milton: difficulty in reaching the Mainland with postage and correspondences, the lack of staffing, and the problems with wildlife. There are also complaints and concerns over growing dangers of small quakes causing damage to the roads and rail system.

Following the road towards the Lakeside Resort is a mostly quiet and pleasant enough trek, as long as one keeps close to or on the road there as much as possible. The Resort is largely secluded, even if it is around the actual lake itself, and it’s easy to see just why this place would have been a popular vacation place.

The resort is a collection of a dozen luxury cabins dotted around the edge of the lake, each of them with a decent amount of space between them for privacy. The cabins themselves are sturdy and well built, but look far more modern and almost designer in terms of style - with huge almost floor to ceiling windows and spacious porches for that perfect lakeside view, and open plan rooms and balconies. Each of the cabins contain multiple bedrooms, suitable for vacationing families and mix both modern technology and more rustic means of heating homes — making them ideal for all weathers.

A couple of the cabins are not completed, appearing to be a kind of expansion of the resort that was not finished. Build materials still remain here. Some of the cabins on the furthest side appear to have become victims of vandalism, having been broken into and completely trashed with windows smashed, furniture missing and broken, and any goods completely ransacked from the place. There are perhaps five cabins out of the twelve that remain fully intact and may contain useful items such as food, basic medical supplies and tools, and will certainly be excellent shelters for those looking for somewhere to stay.

There is also a Camp Office, situated at the east side of the lake. Used as a kind of main office of maintenance for the cabins, along with an office or tourist centre of sorts. It has a decent stock of hiking and outdoor essentials. The Camp Office does also have a small living space upstairs — presumably used by Lake staff or rangers, with a wood stove and kitchenette, along with a bathroom and several bunk-beds. It appears that the Camp Office wasn't abandoned until a short while ago — no more than a couple of months.

Following the road to the Hydrodam is a trickier one than the one to the Resort. There is a higher volume of predator wildlife here, with wolf howls closer and more frequent. With the current state of wildlife’s behaviours, it is likely to face attacks from wolves on the way there. The Carter Hydrodam has clearly seen better days. It seems to have fallen into disrepair and may have only been run by a small skeleton crew. While the Hydrodam is gated and locked up tight, it’s possible to break in through the gate and gain access.

While the lower dam is currently out of bounds, Interlopers will be able to get into the upper levels of the main building of the Hydrodam, which consists mostly of offices, maintenance rooms, a medical bay, and rooms banked with control panels, plus staff areas. The med bay is relatively well stocked, but might need a little forced entry with certain medical lockers and cabinets. Tools and other useful items can also be found here, along with bunk rooms, a small canteen and bathrooms/showers. It might be possible with some work to get access to hot water here — the showering systems run on a back-up furnace system, and while some of the pipes are broken, it might be possible to fix them to get the hot water system up and running again.

Following the road to the Coast will find a dead end. The bridge that heads over towards that direction has been damaged beyond repair, and there looks to be no way of getting around it. Perhaps, much like with getting out of Milton, there may be an alternate way of getting further south, but time will tell.

But for now, here is an entirely new region, ripe for the picking. While it appears some places have already seen minor scavenging (with the exception to the vandalism and looting of some of the resort cabins), Lakeside is largely untouched. It is full of game to hunt, an expansive lake to take up ice-fishing in, and indoor locations to search through for supplies. Some Interlopers may decide to stay here permanently now that it’s easier to travel between Lakeside and Milton.

THE ECHO

WHEN: Aurora Nights, the month of March.
WHERE: Everywhere
CONTENT WARNINGS: supernatural/otherworldly afflictions; themes of grief; themes of loss

There are roughly no more than ten Aurora nights during the month of March, and everything occurs as usual: the insanely bright colours swirling in the skies before you, the crackles and pops of static in the air providing percussion to the strange, ethereal chorus of almost-electrical sounds. The electrics of the world around coming alive with its usual sputtering and falters. There is much mystery to these strange, almost supernatural phenomena — but they almost feel like a kind of staple in the Northern Territories.

But on these nights something different happens.

If you listen closely, the sound of weeping can be heard on the air. Those with the Aurora Call Feat will be particularly drawn to the sound, and will hear it more clearly compared to their fellow Interlopers. It is the sound of a woman, and those paying attention might be able to recognise the voice it belongs to: it is the same woman heard over the static of radios and televisions in December and early January. The same woman that spoke to Interlopers, telling them to sleep, with the promise of help — thus granting some of them powers. It is the same voice that screamed out the night La’an Noonien-Singh died, and the night of those recently killed in the church.

She is… grief-stricken. Her weeping is a raw and anguished thing, and the more you listen, the more it seems to grip at you. You feel her pain, maybe it echoes within your own. Those you have lost, those you have failed or hurt — a reverb that grows stronger as the night continues. It is an all-consuming pain, its depths endless. It brings tears to your eyes.

You carry this pain, as she does.

You feel it in your very bones, in your flesh and sinew. It’s an exhaustive pain, and as the night progresses, you find yourself incredibly weary. In a strange state of fatigue that won’t even allow you to sleep.

You may find yourself going in search of comfort amongst friends, or loved ones. To hold a hand, to embrace them — to not be alone in this pain you feel.

But it is a pain that is too great.

On these nights, you will find yourselves alone, without the comfort you would otherwise lean on. You will not be soothed by that comfort of others. For as long as the Aurora lasts, reaching out and touching others will bring real physical pain to you. It will hurt to touch others, and physical contact will produce a sharp biting pain, even for those who may not feel pain otherwise. Too much. It’s… too much.

Some of you were told once, in a dream: “Don’t you understand it now? We are all connected. The Aurora connects us.”

Once the lights in the sky fade, that pain will finally ease and the woman’s sobs will go quiet — but it will return once more, when the next Aurora comes.

FAQs

EXIT STRATEGY

1. It is entirely possible for NPC Interlopers to die in the mines due to electrocution, and players are free to use NPCs — we ask that players give mods a heads up so that the masterlist can be updated accordingly.


BRAVE NEW WORLD

1. The lower dam is currently completely physically impossible to access. The door that leads there is jammed shut. Characters will notice half-frozen water leaking on the floor around the door.

2. It is possible to find bodies in Lakeside, however there is a... suspiciously low amount of them, and the rare ones found by characters will have been there for some time. They will have appeared to have died of exposure.

3. Wolves can be found in Lakeside, and their tracks are incredibly common. Interactions with wolves can happen in the exploration of this region, and they will behave much like they did during the September event and be incredibly hostile to players.

4. Bears are also common in Lakeside, and their tracks can also be found. They technically should be still hibernating, and much like wolves — they will be aggressive towards Interlopers. Keep your distance!

5. Lakeside unlocking comes with a Companion Event of an Interation with a new NPC!

THE ECHO

1. Essentially: physical touch with others will bring Interlopers physical pain. Sorry about that.

2. It is possible for Interlopers with Aurora Call to attempt to reach out to the woman. Those interested can inquire into what that interaction may be like! They can find out what that entails here.

PLOTTING POST

Comments

[load_aim_shoot]

Raju isn't awake enough to be shocked by anything. Or maybe he's only not awake enough to realise it; the touch over his back, a gentle, almost tickling thing over a place that's already expecting to feel nothing today but that deep ache and the sharp pain of movement pushes a quick, quiet breath out of him and then, as he turns his head, a soft noise, something between pain and relief. Then he takes a deeper, slower breath to combat both the ache and the stinging in his eyes — he's done plenty of that already, and that's only the way difficult mornings like this are, every little impact hits harder, even the ones that don't hurt.

Turning his head's pressed his ear flatter against Francis' chest and for a moment he listens in an absent way to the rhythm that he feels there from beneath Francis' shirt. He realises his hand on Francis' leg is tighter. Probably at the surprise, the feeling over his back. When Francis answers he's muttering, maybe thinking Raju will fall asleep again if he doesn't make very much noise.

"I don't mind the pain." Raju's still mumbling but the words are coming a little less slowly now, and it doesn't take quite as much to push them out. That's something. Now, without coffee, it should only take...

He grimaces, only for a moment. Nevermind. Thinking about how long it will take now before everything inside him is the way it needs to be will only make the stinging in his eyes worse. He shifts his feet underneath him, swallowing, tries to settle. "It's alright. You don't need to get up. Unless..."

Some meaning in the pounding beneath his ear is making it through. He moves back from Francis and straightens a little, moving the hand on Francis' chest to the place his ear had been and looking from it to Francis' face, letting the gesture and direction of his worried expression explain the connection that Raju's just made for him. "You don't need it, do you? Something for the pain. I didn't..."

His words aren't mumbling any more. That idea woke part of him up. He leans back a little more so his eyes can move across more of Francis' body more quickly, jaw tight, worry fighting with anger. If there's some burn there he hasn't noticed, if he...

"The fire," he says, trying to see if Francis is holding himself oddly at all, any burn hidden under his clothes. "It didn't..."

[goingtobeunwell]

Oh, goddamn it. Crozier's eyes snap to attention and he shakes his head quickly. Raju will spiral if he doesn't stop this, and god help them, they both can't afford to handle another night like the last. The only odd thing about the way he holds himself is how quickly he sits himself up, how rapidly he goes from being lethargic to at attention.

"No, you didn't." His voice is firm, he tries to meet Raju's eyes. "All is well."

All well. The note he and Fitzjames stuffed back into the cairn after scribbling dates and numbers along the original document --

No, all is well. He tries for a smile and finds that it comes quite easily despite Raju's worried hands on him. "I was worried about your pain. I wanted to wrap your feet but I don't have the supplies, and one of the physicians surely has something for the discomfort." Which Raju will have after hurting himself so severely.

"I'd thought if I left quickly enough you'd stay asleep," he adds a little cheekily.

[load_aim_shoot]

Raju looks into Francis' eyes, very intent for a moment, breathes out a harsh breath, assessing him—

Honest. Of course honest. And the way he held himself when he'd moved was easy. The set of Raju's shoulders and his back relaxes. He blinks, takes a slow, steady breath, calming. He gives a tired smile, expression apologetic and a little embarrassed. The hand on Francis' chest slides down a little, resting on his stomach, and Raju lets his head hang, the heel of his other hand moving over his eye and then his temple, then into his hair. He grimaces. It feels like it's a mess. He doesn't have his comb, or any of his things here; he'd heard some of the people who'd left through that mine were starting to trickle back, and moved what little he still has to keep himself in order here back into the cabin nearby.

"You don't need to worry that badly." The hand in his hair keeps moving, grabbing handfuls here and there to try and assess the scale of the disorder. The hand on Francis pats him, indicating his heart. Their movement is slow, heavy, each hand barely landing where it's meant to by dint of all the effort Raju's putting in. "I've done this before. Not, not—"

He turns his head to help his searching hand, grimaces down at the floor, and starts again, this time without edging toward that disaster under the aurora, the fire and everything in it that Raju would happily forget. He can forget it until he's woken up a little more. He'll be able to face it then. "I've felt like this before. In the morning. Swollen feet and all. I can bear up alright. I'm just... tired."

He clears his throat, expression tight for a moment. His hand drifts from his hair down to the crook of his neck, gripping at the muscles there, and the tight thing in his expression turns safely into another grimace instead. "That's all. Just tired.

"And a light sleeper, apparently," he adds, looking confused. "I don't... not in the morning, not when I'm tired this way."

Had Francis been teasing him just now? He was. The tone. He tries to think what to do with it, but his mind won't move.

"You don't have to go anywhere." That's the important thing. He looks back at Francis' face, discomfort from squeezing at his shoulder lingering. "You have everything you really need here. Don't you? Firewood, food?"

[goingtobeunwell]

Raju is clearly assessing himself, possibly for more bumps and bruises, but Crozier sees it as a settling of his mind. He was thrown so out of sorts the night prior that was his and wasn’t is still a very thin line, so he searches. He measures. He sorts through the feelings until he can find something solid to land on, and in this case it seems to be insisting Crozier stay right where he is.

“I’ve everything I need here, I don’t have to go anywhere for a while.” And he probably has some of the ingredients for what he wants if he gets a little creative. He could make bandages for Raju’s feet and a salve for the burns, but it won’t be as effective as what Harry and that new physician might have in their stores.

Crozier sits up the full way and pats Raju’s hand, which had been at his stomach and then his chest and now just sort of rests comfortably, as though Raju’s always woken up beside him in this manner. “But you’re not going anywhere either, not until you’re properly back on your feet.”

If he’s still tired then he should rest, and that’s the end of it. He doesn’t care that he’s felt this way before - except he absolutely does and wants to know the how and why and all else, but not now. Not now.

From their vantage in the pile of furs can see that the fire’s burned low, and he expects Raju to be thirsty and hungry. He gently takes Raju’s hand, squeezes, and then sets it back down onto the blankets. “You stay right there, mn? I don’t need help.”

[load_aim_shoot]

Raju makes a soft, assenting noise and watches him for a moment, then puts his hands underneath him and pushes himself up— but only far enough to make it easier to rearrange his feet. Knowing that Francis' warm, anchoring presence isn't going far quiets that urge to force his whole self up and moving and now his body's collective complaints are louder than any urge to do anything else, loud enough that it doesn't occur to him to try and fight them down.

Feet safely arranged so they're touching as little as possible — for the moment, it'll be too much again in five minutes or less, he remembers that from last night, and honestly hadn't been expecting to need that knowledge any more after waking back up — Raju leans forward, elbows on his knees and hands rubbing at his eyes, then his forehead. It hurts up his back to his neck and down again across his shoulders, leaning over, but he doesn't have to put so much into holding himself up this way. He stays that way for a long moment, but it occurs to him eventually that, though Francis isn't going far, he still was acting like he's going somewhere.

"You don't need help," he mumbles, then shifts his head just enough, over the protests of his neck, to frown past his fingers out at whatever it is Francis has been getting up to, while the time might or might not have been passing. He isn't losing time in the way he'd been last night, it doesn't feel quite the same; more familiar, like the times he'd used to forget to buy coffee and then surprise himself by being late to those lectures he'd never intended to pay quite so much attention to.

He'd been thinking of something else. Right. The actual question. Raju makes himself focus, and it comes along with an accidental half-scowl, half-squinting expression. "What aren't you needing help with? What are you doing?"

[goingtobeunwell]

Crozier's already throwing a few logs into the fire, prodding and urging the flickers of a dying flame back into a roar. "You're impossible," he says. He grunts as he reaches for his kindling supply, gathering what he needs to add gradually into the fire. "If your feet weren't in such bad shape I'd consider a sedative."

More joking, but instead of his usual deadpan delivery he smiles. Raju is far too exhausted for his nonsense after all.

"I'm going to restart the fire, boil more meltwater, make something to eat. You need something in your stomach or you won't heal." Any bit of scurvy will just keep those wounds open. He recalls seeing the blood on Fitzjames' shirt from a bullet that had been fired years before...Raju will not have that happen to him. The wounds will close.

"Lie back down, Raju, because if you're sitting up by the time I'm finished with the fire then I'm going to make you drink some water."

[load_aim_shoot]

He picks up his head a little to watch Francis feed the fire. He's only got the one hand to do it; Raju should help. But Francis smiles and Raju smiles back at him faintly, tiredly, and then Francis keeps talking, and as Raju focuses on listening the thought floats away somewhere.

"You're terrible at threats," Raju says, wondering when his gaze left Francis' face. From his face to his hands to the fire, away from the fire... Right. He blinks hard a few times, trying to focus them, and realises one of his hands has migrated up to tug at his hair, following a faint urge still in his head to pull some part of it into some kind of order. It feels like a losing battle right now, but trying to think up a reason to stop might take more effort than just forcing his arm to stay up and moving, so he may as well let himself try. "You just told me you were going to make me eat either way. I think. Now what do I have to lose?"

[goingtobeunwell]

"Absolutely nothing, of course. You're going to eat and drink and eventually feel less like you've been slowly roasted over a fire." Fire properly fed, he sets a pan into the fire to get it heated and grabs a pot to collect some snow for meltwater.

Crozier pauses at the door before he steps through, glancing briefly at Raju and his general state of disarray. It's seems compulsive, the way he's trying to get his hair into some kind of order, but compulsive in an almost harmful way. He inhales sharply and steps out, hurrying to collect the fresh snow so he can return to Raju.

He's terribly worried about him.

[load_aim_shoot]

His hair is... he doesn't know. He doesn't have a mirror. This house has one in the lavatory, probably. He would have to stand up, and then he'd have to walk over and see. Then he'd be needing proper clothes, and a wash beforehand which is its own ordeal in a place like this, where skipping the effort to heat the water isn't just an annoying way to save a little time, it's awful, and when it isn't awful it's probably dangerous—

He would have to do all that. He doesn't know why he's thinking of it.

If he couldn't find proper clothes here he would have to wash his. They're in bad enough shape already, even when they're clean. Even as careful as he's tried to be, dangerously close to threadbare. It's alright most of the time so long as he can keep them clean, and the rest of himself neat.

It relieves something, he realises as he sits up straighter, grimacing as he runs his hands over his back. The movement makes his shoulders burn, and doesn't help his back at all. It's only muscles sore from work, from—

On his knees but every muscle tensed from holding himself tightly, curled over, neck and shoulders and back ready to, to— and arms trying to hold or pull, or... And the way his chest had hurt.

He takes a slow breath to shake off something lingering there at the centre of his ribs and the breath turns itself into a yawn and he leans back afterward, bracing himself on hands flat on the floor behind him, frowning up at the ceiling.

Francis left the pan in the fireplace, which means that he's coming back. Meltwater. Of course.

It's that Raju isn't dressed properly. He was presentable when he visited Francis before, and before he'd left any of the cabins for anything. In the Community Hall he had been all the time, left for one of the cabins when he'd had to wash himself, his clothes. Francis doesn't mind the way that Raju looks now. The stupid shirt had made him laugh. It isn't the only thing about Raju that Francis has seen and then said he doesn't mind. Raju takes a slow breath again and turns his head to hide the yawn against his arm or shoulder, but he doesn't shift his muscles far enough to reach. It would all be easier to manage if he was more presentable. That's always the first thing that needs to happen in the morning.

He's frowning as he looks down at his shirt, where one hand is trying to tug and smooth it, when he notices Francis here again. "You don't have a comb somewhere, do y—" The rest of the word has to pause so Raju can close his mouth over the next yawn. It isn't that it doesn't still make a noise, and he makes a very obvious face, but letting himself start yawning at all is why he's kept going. But he forgets to finish the question after he's done, makes a soft, wordless noise and blinks down at his hand's efforts instead. His arm is complaining at being leaned on, and he wants to move his feet. It's too much to manage when his mind's still not working properly yet. He'll do it in a minute.

[goingtobeunwell]

A comb? A comb. The man's barely functioning and yet he's worried about his appearance. Crozier leaves the meltwater and throws some root vegetables into a pan to fry up before deigning to reply to such a silly request --

Which of course isn't actually silly. It's a grasp at normalcy, at structure, and Crozier isn't so cruel as to mock his friend for wanting control in his life, even if it is just brushing his hair.

"One moment."

If Raju is going to get himself together he's going to do it correctly. Crozier gathers the meltwater from the night before, a clean cloth, and some soap and a brush that he'd found while scavenging in some of the unoccupied homes and businesses. Contrary to his emphatic insistence that is beard is just fine as is, he does try to take care of himself in what basic ways he can.

Crozier sets himself behind Raju and touches his shoulder. "Put your head in my lap," he tells him, "I'll wash your hair and you can comb it as you'd like."

[load_aim_shoot]

Raju twists to look at him — his back, and his neck, and his thigh as he puts weight on it to move, but turning all the way would take more work still, and be slower, and he ignores them — and he's frowning, even after he processes the words themselves. He isn't sure why. He knows what Francis means. There had been barbers, of course, while Raju had been teaching himself, but not many of them since then. And Francis isn't a barber. He's a navy man, a captain, probably more used to having his hair washed for him than doing it for others.

No, it isn't that. It's something else. Raju finds himself thinking of— of months ago. A lifetime ago. He'd washed Akhtar's hair. He'd been... happy for him. He remembers being happy. Thick hair curling around his fingers and his friend's expression, confused and trusting and staring steadily up at him.

There are parts of last night that aren't very clear; he remembers Francis' hand over his hair.

Raju's expression is surprised and he looks that way at Francis' face for a moment. Then he looks down, turns back away from Francis a little and then a little more, slowly. He grimaces as he does it, and as he lowers himself down toward Francis' lap a quiet, pained noise makes it out of him. But Raju makes it, gives a long, heavy sigh as he settles and then looks up at him, the odd, uncomfortable angle of the view putting a quick, polite smile over Raju's lips.

"I asked for a comb and you're washing my hair," he says with a soft, amused breath while the rest of him keeps trying to figure out what it feels like to lie down this way. "If I ask for a decent shirt, will you pull out a whole wardrobe?"

[goingtobeunwell]

Crozier’s determined to be confident for the both of them, even if this is his first time washing another man’s hair. It’s not so much the perfect of the act but the tenderness involved.

He clumsily rolls a fur and places it under Raju’s neck for extra support, guiding and moving his head until he’s laying at the perfect angle. Then he looks down at him and winks teasingly.

“If you wanted food I’d give you a feast, if you were thirsty I’d give you a river. But no, I don’t have a whole hidden wardrobe, I thought that would be obvious by now.”

His hand hovers over Raju’s head. He braces himself - he shouldn’t be nervous, there’s absolutely nothing to be nervous about - and then runs a dampened hand through the soft waves of his thick hair. He dampens the clean flannel and runs it over Raju’s head, wetting his hair without soaking his friend or his own lap through. When it’s sufficiently wet he starts up a lather, paying careful attention to Raju’s scalp and the base of his head.

[load_aim_shoot]

Raju makes another pained noise as his head is moved again at the feeling in his neck, but he can't help the relief once Francis sets it back down with something behind it. The relief, and the feeling that this is... strange, still. A barber uses a chair, a basin behind, and a efficient, professional touch. It isn't anything like this. Another man's lap is unfamiliar, and the unfamiliarity stirs the awareness that anyone holding his head this way could hurt him very badly, if they'd wanted to. Even with only one hand. Raju's head and neck are just here in easy reach for Francis, and Francis is almost completely out of reach for him, in a position it would take too much time to move far enough to defend himself from.

He never would. But Raju finds himself testing the thoughts anyway, prodding them, feeling the way that the contrast lights up the knowledge that Raju is more certain of than ever, after last night. Francis could, very easily like this, and he never, never would. His hand is gentle instead. Raju's breath out is hard as Francis runs that hand over his hair, visible in the movement of his shoulders and his chest, but Raju keeps it nearly quiet. His fingers curl, thumb running over them, and he presses them flat over the floor again. They try to curl one more time, and he presses them against his thighs.

Raju hadn't done it this way, with Akhtar. He'd been thinking about the professional way, the way he'd had it done before. But he understands better why Akhtar had stared the way that he had, now. His legs are bent, knee trying to move back and forth idly, and he straightens his legs instead, sliding his feet slowly and carefully against the floor, for a moment trying to focus on that sensation instead.

When Francis lifts the flannel and Raju feels it running over his head his eyelids start fluttering, trying to close. Sleep, maybe, trying to creep back in. He isn't going to let it. The feeling on his scalp, the tickle of careful movement over it, it's something Raju means to stay awake for. Once he'd started to teach himself the way that he would need to keep his hair if he really meant to fit in the way that he'd need to with the people that he'd need to, he'd taught Seetha to stop touching it so much. Not once he'd gotten it the way he'd needed it to be.

Raju's breaths are a little heavier now, chest moving, and a little faster. He pushes his eyelids the rest of the way open one more time. It's impossible to see Francis' hand this way, beyond the movement of his arm in the corner of the eye. He looks up steadily at Francis' face instead.

[goingtobeunwell]

He's used to listening to the soft, rhythmic crackle of a fire or the whistling of the trees as he's working on something or other, but occasionally he misses a bit of singing. The Netsilik women used to sing from their throats or the men would tell stories, and it was marvelous and always made him feel lighter to experience it. He can't share that with Raju now, but he can hum a little sea shanty in the hopes it makes this feel less awkward.

As he massages in the soap and looks down into Raju's face occasionally, finding clear eyes staring back up into his. He smiles and goes back to singing and lathering, rinsing, lathering again for the hell of it. We all need to spoil ourselves every once in a while.

"How are you feeling this morning? Sore, I imagine."

[load_aim_shoot]

"Mhm." He feels Francis' fingers against his scalp as he nods. At some point his hands relaxed and lay against the floor again and his fingers try to curl but slowly this time, almost lazily. The face above him is familiar by now, though not from this angle. Francis might have looked up at him almost this way that night that they'd found this cabin, his ribs freshly broken and his mind drifting enough to bare everything he'd lost. And now here he is, fingers thorough and gentle as they move over his head, helping to put Raju put himself in order and asking about how he's doing.

"You..." Raju's first impulse is to harden himself into asking. But he tries to summon up that hard feeling, and it just won't come. Down his arms and across his chest his muscles twinge, trying to tense up, and then they relax again. Everything here is calm and quiet, and it surprises Raju a little that it isn't hard to make them come out, unspeakable words sounding out into a room that isn't meant for them. "You know about the people I... hurt."

Not hard isn't easy. One leg bends just a little. Fingernails catch on the floorboards. Fingertips against his scalp. Not easy, but strangely at ease at the same time. It couldn't come out earlier but it's surfacing almost calmly now, tone with an edge of relaxation still in it, eyes looking up evenly into Francis'. Even as he keeps speaking, if anything, Raju only sounds confused. "The man I hurt. He wasn't the only one. You said you weren't... convinced, I think. About my character. Now you're washing my hair, asking whether I'm sore. No matter how loyal you are to the empire, it, it... You know you can't forgive it."

[goingtobeunwell]

“I never said I was loyal to the empire.” How could he possibly loyal to an institution that sent over a hundred men to their deaths? How could he claim fealty after inspecting the bodies of that innocent Netsilik family? That old woman, the young girl? “And it isn’t my place to forgive.”

He pours a little water into his hair, wiping soap from his forehead before it can trickle down to Raju’s eyes.

“You don’t sound like a man who tortures for Queen and country.”

He lets the words hang between them. Raju risked life and limb for him once. He thinks back to the times they laughed and muddled over the mysteries of this place together, how they’ve shed tears in front of each other.

Raju is not a cruel man, he knows this deep within his marrow.

[load_aim_shoot]

Raju blinks instinctively as the soap trickles down toward his eyes, but it doesn't come. He feels Francis' hand wiping at his forehead instead. It's odd to feel it, the gesture, the wellbeing that spreads out from it, and at the same time be talking about this, thinking about this. Thinking about saying this.

It's a leading statement. Trying to lead Raju into places that he hasn't gone. He looks up at Francis. His eyes, instinctively, try to blink away stinging that isn't there. "I..."

His heart is beating harder, suddenly. His breaths are deeper. "I-I, um..."

Francis had let the words hang in the air and they stay there, trying to light up parts of him that Raju doesn't have the key to. The people at home all know, and if any of them are going to stay alive, no one else can. So Raju has never needed to explain to anyone. It's a good thing that he doesn't. Easier. Until now. Odd, to reach for something that he knows is there, and realise that it won't come.

His chest is tight. He takes a slow breath and moves his gaze away, lips pressed tight with failure, disappointment over his face, and he sighs the breath back out. Another breath, in and held and out again, and the inside of him starts to relax, a little like winding down after a run. His shoulders slump.

"I feel like one," he says, voice low, then looks up at Francis again, holding his gaze. "Sometimes." That pause between is as close as he can come to it, tracing part of a shape without being able to draw the rest. Sometimes. The first part, nothing he'd every say in front of his uncle, or anyone waiting at home. The last, nothing he'd ever say where any of the other officers can hear. Together, they still aren't enough to answer this man in the way that... that Raju finds he wants to. But even if Francis doesn't know what it is that connects those two separate parts of Raju, he knows about both of them, and he's still here. It's his legs under Raju's head. His hand in Raju's hair. He's here.

"If it isn't... forgiveness. Then why?"

[goingtobeunwell]

It's a leading statement, yes, but not one that he'll needle and push. Raju's having a tough enough time as it is just being without Crozier trying to dig the truth out of him. But he knows there is a truth there, one that Raju seems desperate to hide away within himself.

He's Fitzjames, he realizes. He's James Fitzjames, and there's some sort of closely-guarded secret or past. Perhaps Raju had been betrayed before, hurt, or maybe he's just protecting a part of him that's fragile or secretive in its very nature. But this realization that Raju, courageous and impossible Raju, is more like the very noble and heroic James Fitzjames, who would throw himself into a river to save a drowning man without a single thought, who would cross the desert on foot just because he could, makes him feel a certain kind of way that he refuses to name.

And with that, he sees another facet, another angle, to his friend that he had not considered. He's a man in deep, deep grief.

"Then why?" he wonders, reaching for the brush to work on his freshly-washed hair. "As though anything is that simple. There's so much I don't know, how could I possibly judge? Even if I find it distasteful, there are things I've done that I find unforgivable."

[load_aim_shoot]

The last words echo in Raju's head. One of the things he'd used to think about sometimes, late at night or on the brisk walk between sleeping quarters and the training room, in moments when he couldn't keep away the worry and the fear, had been going home and telling all, shattering everyone's distant, desperate ideas about this heroic, noble thing that he'd left them so long to do, and knowing that either no one there would ever forgive him— or they would. Or maybe they would. Maybe they wouldn't think anything of it, it wouldn't be difficult for them at all. Maybe they would hear it and dismiss it, wave everything he's done away. The possibility, the strong possibility, should have been a relief. It'd sat heavy in Raju's stomach, in his chest, until he'd managed to stop thinking. He feels Francis' words about himself ringing in there now.

Raju opens his mouth to answer, find some kind of way to say so, then feels a brush moving through his hair. His eyes try to close again and he blinks them open, feeling a long, slow breath escape out of his mouth instead of words. His hand reaches up, misses its goal on the first try, then takes a hold of something that feels like a knee. He shifts the angle of his head to help him see Francis' hand too and the brush in it, all of the parts of him too relaxed to think of or mind how the movement might disturb Francis' brushing. Most of the parts of him. There's a clumsy heaviness to his movement and his limbs that has nothing to do with soreness or strain, a quiet, cool feeling settled beneath and around all of his thoughts, and something rushing to a point somewhere, the things that he's felt in listening to this man, in knowing him.

"Me too," he tries, voice deeper, rasping. It's hard to find the words to explain it, but he needs Francis to know. It'd been inside him in that first dark night in this place, Francis on the floor near where he is now and speaking of terrible things, but it hadn't come out. He tries again. His free hand curls into a fist against his thigh and the grip on Francis' knee tightens, his expression relief rushing into an intent, unwavering gaze, and his tone is grateful. "It doesn't go away. The things we've done. That you've done. I know what it feels like, too."

[goingtobeunwell]

Crozier’s breath hitches in his throat as Raju grasps blindly for just something to hold on to, something real as he struggles within himself. He nods softly. It’s a brotherhood forged in difficult, impossible choices and horrible mistakes.

He sets the brush down so he can gently cup Raju’s upside down face. “Not just metaphorical ghosts, mn? Being haunted…it isn’t an easy thing to bear.”

His thumb brushes along Raju’s cheek.

“But we learn to live with it, as best we’re able.”

[load_aim_shoot]

A hand is cupping the side of Raju's face, warm and secure and holding him there, and Raju's eyes try to close again. A thumb moves over Raju's cheek and he finds his mouth letting out a long, slow breath, the arm on Francis' knee feeling that ache running from his wrist down his side shifting as the arm sags, relaxing.

He doesn't look away from Francis' face. It seems impossible that this man, so tender and kind now around him, can feel the same way that Raju does. Can know the way it sits inside, the things that don't go away. But he does. And he cares, still. And he's here, doing these things, in a way no one has ever done.

Learn to live with it. As best we're able. Francis knows exactly what that means. Raju gives a single, decisive nod, feeling the hand large and warm against his face, looking into Francis' eyes. He remembers sinking down to sit with laughter ringing in his ears, the end of all of it moving already through his veins, and feeling... grateful. It had torn at his throat last night remembering it, that feeling. It was failure that brought him to this place at all, failure that brought him to his knees last night, but he finds that he feels grateful now. The feeling sits differently in him than it did before. Warmer.

"And we go on." His grip tightens on Francis' knee. It's harder to do with everything in him wanting to relax like this but it's worth doing, to feel it. For Francis to feel it. "We keep going."

[goingtobeunwell]

“And we go on,” he smiles, warm yet still tinged with his typical melancholy. To do anything else would be a disservice to the ones they outlived, which has been a difficult lesson for Crozier to learn. He’s still learning, in fact. How much goodness does a man deserve after failing the amount he has, losing the number of people he did? How much of a happy life does he get to have knowing how much suffering his decisions wrought on others?

His answer might still be none if it weren’t for the warmth of Raju’s eyes and overwhelming need to soothe whatever ails him. He wants to care for people again; his men, the people here, Raju. He’s still terrified of losing and so ashamed of his failures, but his heart wants what it wants.

He smooths his thumb once more down Raju’s cheek and over the ever-so-slight scruff of his beard. Not enough scruff to look unkempt, of course, Raju would never let it get that bad.

“It’s never easy to share the shameful parts of us. Thank you for trusting me.”

[load_aim_shoot]

Raju takes a moment to digest the idea, that that’s what he’s done, that it’s something worth thanking him for. He still feels Francis’ thumb brushing over his cheek, an awareness tickling very faintly in the skin there in the seconds after it’s finished moving.

“If you’re thanking me for it, you did it first.” Raju’s voice is still rough but quieter now, the clean, cared-for feeling in his hair, the solidity under his head and against his face, that emptied out feeling giving him nothing to set any of it on top of, all dragging the words into a murmur. If he moves his head he might move Francis’ hand off of his face, and he doesn’t want to; he breaks his upward gaze only with his eyes instead, looking around the room and trying to match it up to the memory of nothing else existing in the world, only the moonlight drifting in through the windows and the man beneath him and the dark. And once Raju had finally managed the fire, relative to where he can see the walls and fireplace…

“Just there.” He keeps his nod small. “Near where my knees are now. I don’t know why I told you. At first I wanted to make you leave, but after that…”

He does turn his head now, into Francis’ hand instead of away, feeling the breath that flows out of his mouth against it reflecting off Francis’ skin back onto Raju’s face. “Of course I trust you. How could I do anything else?”

[goingtobeunwell]

Crozier follows Raju’s gaze to find that specific place on the floor, the specific memory so fresh that he can nearly picture their shadows still etched onto the floor.

Raju can’t see why his friend would need to thank him, but that isn’t surprising. He can’t see how much he’s closed himself off to the world and how much he hides himself, but there’s no hiding it from Crozier. It’s easy to recognize common traits.

“You could have kept turning me away, but I’m stubborn.” He smiles softly, looking down at Raju’s cheek in his hand. He inhales slowly —- he should let him tend to his own hair now, even if he hates the thought of moving him off of his lap. The warmth is lovely, he tells himself, the intimacy with another person and the camaraderie making him feel more alive than he has in a very long time.

“If I give you the comb can you handle the rest yourself?”

[load_aim_shoot]

"Mm." It's a soft noise and Raju takes a slow breath right after, bracing himself. In, the smell of soot lingering, this close to Francis' skin. Then out, breathing against his hand. Then he gives a decisive nod and rolls to lean on his forearm, a grimace at the movement flickering over his face. His head hangs, no matter how the muscles in his neck complain. He feels heavy, his body still soaked in the relaxation that'd cradled him a moment ago. Feeling like that, he isn't going to be able to do this gradually; he pushes himself up to sitting hard and all at once.

The grimace comes back and fights him as he leans back against his hand, letting his head tilt back toward the ceiling and then rolling it around his shoulder forward. He feels the movement down his back. He takes a breath and sighs it back out, then looks into Francis' face again with a warm, tired smile, free hand moving to the back of his neck absently. "Thank you. At least one part of me feels clean, now. After I finish with the comb, do you want me to..."

He nods toward the cloth and the soap and the meltwater, used once but only on his hair, so still probably clean enough, then moves his gaze meaningfully to Francis' head. "For your hair?"

But then— The question had felt natural when it'd been coming out of his mouth, something he might offer to Seetha, or... or to family, in another life. Who else would have done something like that for Raju? But outside that Raju doesn't know the rules for this, does he, what the expectations are. Uncertainty takes over Raju's expression as he looks back to Francis' face and Raju takes it back with a polite, friendly smile, free hand sliding down to his lap and thumb rubbing circles against the side of his finger.

"Or would you rather wash yourself all at once, later? Now that we're rested you'll have plenty of time to."