singillatim | the chilly worlds, and the silent fields

[ In truth, the thing may be more symbiotic in nature than parasitic — but for all intents and purposes, the term fits. Especially now, given— ]

Before this place, it didn't.... hurt me. I felt sick from it sometimes, but it wasn't damaging to me, necessarily. In fact, it made my body function better.

[ He was no superhuman, but it improved his condition, made it peak. ...Who knows what the scientists may have done to him, though. They could very well have succeeded in developing a means to turn him into a weapon. ]

But this place seems to be affecting it. It doesn't do anything beneficial to my body, and it only makes me feel ill. I don't know what might happen in the long term.

[ He sighs, softly. It's been a pressing concern. ]

But at least it doesn't seem to feed off of me. It needs blood — so I can provide that for it. From animals... from parts of them. [ A soft wince. ]

[Randvi listens intently. Disparate pieces of this puzzle are coming together.]

Many things that people rely on in their homes do not seem to function here, but no other seems so crucial to survival.

Am… [How to say this.] Am I correct in assuming that your wound was an attempt to destroy this creature? Can it be separated from you?

[ Ah. Konstantin pauses again, solemn. He can't quite bring himself to admit that the attempt was his own. ]

It was. It was supposed to... end it.

[ ....Does the thing know? That he killed them both? Does it understand that? ]

A doctor was trying to help me — to find a way to separate us. But... we're connected. Bonded. As far as I know, we can't survive without one another.

....If this place is changing the rules, though.... affecting it, weakening it, then maybe it could be removed here.

[Randvi nods. There's a certain courage in choosing to die fighting, but she won't draw attention to it.]

The healers here are skilled. If it is possible at all I think they can succeed.

[These aren't exactly the best conditions for removing something that large from inside a person, but if it comes to it, needs must.]

I'm assuming it's what you would want. It seems to me a nightmare, what you are going through.

[ There's... a lot to this. Things perhaps he should reveal — that it could react dangerously if tampered with. That it sometimes exits his body outside of his control, that it can grow, shift, into something far more deadly than the current larval form that occupies him now. Though this place seems to keep it from being able to become too developed, it could still do some damage.

But he's wary, and truthfully, he's afraid. If something goes wrong, if he's put back in confinement... He can't let that happen. For now, he keeps some things unsaid, though his features tighten with some internal tension and it takes him a few moments to reply. Then it comes, quietly. ]

I would give anything to be rid of it. My son— the one I told you about before. ....I can't provide a life for him like this.

[ He can't. It's too dangerous, too uncertain. Too unfair to a little boy who's already had such strife and loss in his life. ]

...But I don't know what healers I can trust, apart from Vasiliy. The man I'm living with now. I don't know how people might react to this.

[Randvi remembers well enough how resistant he’d been at the idea of seeing a healer when they’d met.]

I won't tell anyone. [That bears repeating, now that she knows.] Are you afraid they’d fear it, think you're a threat? Or that they would want to use it themselves?

[Perhaps it's both. Or perhaps it reproduces in a way that could infect all of them. She can't think about that.]

If you need a break from having to hide it, you can come and talk to me any time.

Thank you. [ He means it, again, and gives another quiet, careful sigh as he considers the question. In the same breath, he can feel how relaxed the creature has become — still and small, no longer moving. Is it asleep? Has she really lulled the thing to sleep with simple warmth, like some kind of little cat? Strange to think that something so alien and frightening can find comfort in the same sorts of things that a creature from Earth could. ]

Both. All of it. [ He allows the slightest hint of a smile, tense at the corners. ] There are people back home who want to keep it captive — and therefore me. They need me to... contain it, while they study it. If someone here raises the alarm... I could be discovered again.

[ The pieces to this place, Milton, don't fully add up, but he knows he needs to be careful. He can't risk being taken again. But his features soften at the young woman's offer. ]

I appreciate that. It's a lot to ask of you, though. I'm sorry. [ Coming here at all, involving Randvi... it was a selfish act. But... he does at least understand some of how the creature functions. And as easy as it is to think of it as some mindless killing machine, it.... isn't. ]

I don't think it would try to hurt you, though. It doesn't hurt people unless it has a reason. And I think it... understands when it's being helped. It will remember your voice.

[Randvi nods, taking in this information. It all makes sense from what he's said before, but how horrible to be in the middle of that. To not belong to yourself anymore.]

You helped me too, when we met, despite everything that had been happening to you. [If they had truly been where he'd thought they were, it would have been more beneficial to him to leave her behind in the snow. Any outside person could have been a risk.] I remember my debts.

[She stops for a moment, feeling the steady movement under her palm.] Do you think it is asleep? I can fill the waterskin for you.

[ Konstantin takes a moment to think back on the moment he'd arrived in this place — a man who should have been dead, stumbling around coughing up blood in the snow. There's some part of him that knows he should have been left to freeze (he, a monster, an unpredictable presence in this isolated town), and a conflicting part that's grateful someone helped him (he wants to live, he wants this chance to keep going, to try to reach Aleksei again, to get this fucking thing out of him). He can see and feel both sides of it, and it's a strange mixture.

But he knows... this one thing. ]

I don't want to change. To become.... something that only thinks about survival. I want to help other people, too.

[ He'd let people die back in the facility for his survival. Let the creature keep killing, keep eating. But now... more control is in his hands, even if only slightly. The creature's weaker. He can protect people from it, keep it fed without it having to kill human beings. ]

I think so. It hasn't moved in a while. [ He looks up at Randvi and gives a careful nod, keeping his voice hushed. Is this what it's like for a parent to try to sneak away to another room while a child's taking a nap? ] Let's try it.

[For a moment Randvi just looks at Konstantin with open admiration - what a noble thing to say - then she nods and eases her hand away, watching his face to gauge whether the creature inside him was truly asleep.]

[ He's tempted to hold his breath, but refrains from it. The creature's used to him breathing, feeling it constantly; a lack of movement might actually wake it back up, if it's truly sleeping. So he keeps breathing like normally, cautiously looking down at himself. If it hasn't worked... he'll probably know immediately, what with the thing pitching fits as it had been. (And then what? Randvi can't just stay his prisoner, forced to act as the personal heating pad for an alien...)

He waits. A moment that stretches longer, and longer, and then he's looking back up at Randvi. He doesn't dare speak yet, but he's giving the slightest nod, pointing at his belly and then giving a thumbs up. All seems good? Maybe this actually worked?? ]

[Fortunately for Kostya, Heartman already explained the meaning of that gesture to Randvi, so she doesn't have to risk waking the creature to ask. Sliding carefully off the sofa and scurrying over to her hot water pot to fill the waterskin feels so much like helping her sister with her infant children that she would laugh if it didn't risk undoing all of their work so far. She tries to work quickly, and as soon as the container is sealed, she is holding it out to her friend.]

[ Really, it's all such an absurd situation, a very new piece to his current existence that he could never have seen coming. He's still worried the thing might wake up, but it stays still; it must truly be sleeping. He can picture it there inside of him, making itself smaller; he's seen the X-rays. When it isn't extending itself, it curls up like a snake.

Carefully, he reaches out his hand to take the heating pad, and holds Randvi's gaze for a long moment, before giving another decisive nod. All right, let's do this. The last step in this plan; it could still fail.

But as he gently nudges the thing to his stomach and holds it there, letting the warmth seep through his skin, nothing happens. The creature seems to remain comfortable and warm, and satiated. Konstantin finally allows himself to speak again, though keeps his voice very low. ]

I think it's worked. It isn't moving anymore — it must still be asleep.

[Randvi nods, barely speaking above a whisper herself:] Good. That's good.

Would you like me to accompany you home, or do you think you can manage?

[ Carefully, he moves to lean forwards a bit more, sitting on the sofa for a few lingering moments, just to be sure. But there's no disturbance, and soon enough he's giving a smile up to Randvi before he cautiously moves to stand, keeping the pad pressed to his abdomen. ]

I think I'll be all right now. You've done more than enough.

[ His coat and gloves are dried by now, and he carefully slips them on, both buttoning and zipping his coat up securely, pushing the heating pad to himself more tightly, but keeping one hand over it just to make sure it stays in place. ...Huh. Maybe he should think about using things like this more often. ]

I'll return this to you as soon as I can. Thank you again, devushka. [ He might have been playfully flirting a bit with her the last time he used the term, but something's shifted, repositioned itself. The word is just... warm, now. Just warm. (But of course, he can't resist a playful wink—) ]

You're my hero.

[Randvi stands near in case he needs more help, but he seems to be doing all right now.

Her cheeks flush pink at the warm tone, much to her embarrassment.]

I'll keep that in mind. Be safe.

the chilly worlds, and the silent fields

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