singillatim | A beautiful fiction I invented to keep out the cold

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A beautiful fiction I invented to keep out the cold

Who: Chloe Frazer & others
What: Catch-all; open prompts
When: March and April
Where: Around Milton

Content Warnings: Self-injury content related to the echo effects. Descriptions of canon typical violence and murder. Talk about hunting/eating animals.

Chloe doesn't trust Methuselah as far as she could throw him, and a trip through a mine where she's forced to rely on the goodwill of a bunch of cop types does not sound like her idea of a good time. Also, sticking around Milton when most of the people who 'patrol' (imagine her air quotes) are away is a great opportunity to snoop in people’s houses.

Anyone who remains in or returns to Milton may find her either doing her usual wild running in the woods, checking her snares for snacks, or sneaking around newly empty locations to see what's been left behind.

Aurora nights are a different thing, however. Chloe likes to think that she's done her best to do right by the people that she cares about, but the truth is she's cut a few throats in her day, stepped over others to make sure that she would wind up on top. Something about the aurora this month brings every one of those memories roaring back. It has her running faster, drinking until she can't see, and doing risky climbs onto (and jumps between) rooftops, trying to escape the feeling.

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“Yeah,” Chloe says, smiling a little. “I can't believe you're so warm without your coat, you fire guys are crazy.”

She tilts her head, having heard the earlier mumble. “Unused to what, huddling under a tree in freezing fog?”

"Unused to huddling," he admits.

Mostly because it's Chloe. He's already admitted so much to her at this point that it truly doesn't feel anymore like it could hurt to admit even more. It's not a point Billy often gets at with people, but here he is. Huddling, indeed.

At least it's a productive huddle, since it's definitely starting to sound less like she's turning into an ice cube.

"This amount of physical contact has never been common for me." Or anyone in his time, really. And on a personal level for Billy, it feels even stranger to do it with a woman, when he's been so desperately trying to avoid any and all contact with them back home, lest he be trapped in a life that would be a nightmare for him. "I only ever share this much of it with Cornelius."

“Lucky bastard,” Chloe says with a little smile, as if she hadn't been sleeping next to someone with the same power mere days ago. “Has some of the warmest nights in Milton, I bet.”

Her own shudders are dying down little by little, which is good but maybe not so good for Billy since now she can talk more.

“Well, your virtue is safe with me. Don't you guys live in pretty close quarters though? On the ships?”

Just don't make him regret his good deed here, Chloe. Though-- the longer they're sitting here, the more it feels like Billy's body does relax a little bit. It truly is just a little bit, but maybe it's the very, very faint start of a desensitisation process here..

.. maybe.

Or it's just that he has her babbling to focus on now, which is sounding a lot more like the way she usually does - so straightforward and blunt. Nosy, too, in some ways, though at least this is something Billy doesn't mind speaking about as much.

"Generally speaking," Billy slowly answers. "But I got to have my own small cabin on the latest voyage."

If you could even call it a cabin. More like three walls very close together and a curtain to hide it from the world.. But Billy is still aware it's more privacy than most are allowed to have on board.

"It's since I was a steward. I served the officers, so I had to be close by at all times of the day and night in case they required anything from me."

“Ohhh, a steward.” Chloe doesn’t really know what that is. “Sounds fancy. Not my thing, but nice that you got a little extra privacy out of it.”

Billy might have guessed by now that she's not the greatest at taking orders.

“I always picture polar explorers as these like, rugged guys on dogsleds.”

Yeah, her reaction is entirely unsurprising. That seems like Chloe, alright. Not that he entirely disagrees with her. Sure, he'd rather be doing this than certain other tasks on the ship, but after years of having to serve those three lieutenants in particular, it has definitely soured Billy on the job too.

That's not what he speaks up about though. No, it's instead the other thing he addresses.

"You would be surprised how many men in the navy are thoroughly unattractive," he grumbles.

(Really, it's a sign of how relatively comfortable he feels with Chloe that he's willing to both openly discuss stuff related to his sexuality like this and openly bitch with her. Congratulations on unlocking this side of Billy, girl.)

"It is a good thing that Cornelius also happened to be on the same ship, or who knows what I might have had to resort to."

Chloe throws back her head and laughs, cold forgotten for the moment. Who’d have thought that sweet little Billy Gibson had that in him?

“Is that your type, then? Mischievous elves?”

That's what Hickey looks like to her, sorry mate.

He lets out a slight sound. It almost sounds like a groan, were it not for the fact that it's still partially being held back.

"Do you mean to suggest he is unattractive?"

.. granted, Billy does figure that of course Chloe wouldn't understand if she doesn't like men. Just like how it's hard for him to see the appeal in any given woman. So rather than lingering on that, he adds, sounding almost a touch reluctant: "He has many good qualities."

And plenty of things that threaten to drive Billy crazy, but.. you know. No romance out there is perfect, right.

“Oh, no, he's charming in his own way!” You’ve got to admire that seemingly effortless confidence either way. “Seems kind of short for you, is all. Like he's got to stand on a crate so you can kiss.”

Thanks, Chloe, for at least being able to acknowledge he clearly has amazing taste. Obviously.

"Is that not one of Cornelius' good traits? He is inventive." Maybe sometimes a little too inventive, but.. you know. Even so. "If I could ever predict every single move a man I would be together with would make, I think it would bore me to death."

It's definitely frank by his standards, but it helps that Billy feels like Chloe of all people might understand the sentiment, considering what her own personality is like.

Clearly. Obviously!

“Ugh, I know what you mean. That marriage stuff isn't for me, but marriage to a boring guy would be even worse.”

She’d probably gnaw her own arm off from the understimulation.

“Did you guys meet on the expedition or did you already know each other?”

"No, I did not know him before we were both on Terror."

There's a slight pause. Usually he'd leave it at that, worried that all other details are too personal, things that could leave him vulnerable.

But.. this is Chloe. He's pretty much literally cuddling with her to keep her warm. Maybe it's alright for him to talk about it, even if it's just this once. To say the things he's never told anyone else about. (Maybe, deep down, he wants to talk about it for once, rather than shoving it down and hiding it as he's used to.)

"I.. caught rumours on board that the caulker's mate did not know any naval terms. It sounded slightly odd to me, but-- in an interesting sort of way." He pauses. It's clear that he's never really had to think about how to word any of this before, never had anyone to tell it to. "So I felt like I had to see it for myself and seek him out."

This is not a reference that Billy would understand, but this is what Chloe had always imagined summer camp to be like: out in nature, curled up next to her friend, warm and safe and talking about stuff that both doesn't matter and is the most important thing in the world.

The story makes her smile, too. She'd recognized enough of herself in Hickey that she can kind of guess where this is going. That weasel, she thinks, but admiringly. Maybe it hadn't worked out for him in the end, but what a way to go out. Catch Me If You Can shit.

"So, you're into bad boys, huh?"

.. give him a moment to contemplate what this modern notion of 'bad boys' might be, Chloe. Apparently the Aurora can't translate all modern slang that specifically. Thankfully the words themselves give him enough context clues that he arrives at a view that is - reasonably - accurate, despite the cultural difference between them.

"I do not think Cornelius is necessarily all that much worse than your average man."

He sounds serious enough about it that it's likely he means it. Billy's very negative view of people as a whole certainly is part of it, though, alongside the fact that he doesn't really mind some of Cornelius' bad acts as much as others might.

"It's simply that he's more upfront about it. If that is what you would consider a 'bad boy' in your time.." He shrugs a little, but still doesn't move away from her side.

“I’m not trying to malign your taste in men, here!” After all, she’d just compared him to herself. “I'm just saying, you hear a guy is a little shady and immediately decide you need to meet him?”

"Is feigning experience you don't have to get onto an expedition really that shady?"

Judging by Billy's tone, he doesn't seem to think so. Granted, he doesn't know that there was a whole lot more to it than just fake experience, so that might explain part of it..

"I thought it was.. interesting. And when I met him, I realised that impression was spot on. He was not like anyone else on the ship. Everyone else felt boring, almost predictable, but he was.."

.. his voice trails off. It's not often that he's put this into words.

"He was amusing. He seemed to have endless confidence."

Edited 2024-05-26 21:55 (UTC)

"It's pretty ballsy, isn't it? And shows that he's clever, 'cause he sort of got away with it. But it's not really something people on the up-and-up do, is it?"

Endless confidence sounds right, too.

"Yeah. I'd imagine there weren't many like him on that ship, huh? And then you guys were stranded with no other company."

Well-- Sure, he can admit Chloe does have a point there. People on the up-and-up wouldn't do that. But people on the up-and-up are also terribly boring, if Billy's experience with them is anything to go by.

.. so maybe he is into bad boys just a little bit after all, huh.

"We were stuck in the ice for years," he adds to her own accurate summary of events. Years, Chloe. Billy knows she of all people will understand, given how little she seems to like being bound to anything. Imagine being bound to nothing but one ship to move around on and the company of the same group of people every single day.. Like Milton, but way worse. "It was cold and miserable. The habits of the lieutenants started to truly get on my nerves, even more so when I had to serve them every single day. The moments I could sneak away with Cornelius to dark corners of the ships were the only times I felt like I could escape all that."

“Christ. Stuck in the ice for years and still had to serve officers? I might have walked off into the snow.”

You're stronger than her for sure, Billy.

“I can see why you'd want to be around someone who wasn't all stuffed shirt royal navy about it.”

Thank you for acknowledging his suffering, Chloe. No one else ever seems to understand how hard it is..

It's at the second part that he hums though. "That's part of it."

Granted, talking a little too much about why he likes Cornelius is.. a little embarrassing. It's not like he wants to come across as some lovelorn fool, after all. So after a slight pause, he changes tracks just slightly, to--

"Have you seen that man who is always patrolling town in a greatcoat?" At least Little's choice of clothing - not even having ditched his clothes from back home - makes him a very recognizable figure to describe.. "He was one of the officers I had to serve. The first lieutenant. I've spent years serving him breakfast. Mending his clothes. Tending to so many small things for him."

Trust him, Chloe. You don't want the extensive list.

"It makes it rather uncomfortable to be stuck in the same place now, even with those roles and ranks having disappeared."

“Yeah, I know who you mean.” Chloe might be the only person in Milton who is afraid of Edward Little. She doesn't trust those people who are patrolling inside the town.

“I don't know how you can stand that, being cooped up with these guys you used to work for. I thought working with my exes was bad!” It was bad. They were always bickering and trying to kill each other in tunnels. “Is he trying to fall back into those old patterns with you now?”

"Thankfully not."

He'd gag if any of the lieutenants were here and trying to order him around.. At least he'd be pretty convinced Hodgson wouldn't attempt to do so after how things went down back home, but with Little he hadn't been sure, especially with the way the other seems to stick to everything from back home otherwise, even here in this place. Irving would be even worse, he's sure. Thankfully it's just Little for now, and thankfully that man hasn't ordered him around at all.

"Instead he seems to.." Billy's voice trails off, and if Chloe turns her head to glance over at him at all, he's making a bit of A Face. "He called me by my name, and then asked me to call him by his."

A normal thing by modern standards, but by Victorian standards? It's far too intimate, especially for a guy like Billy. There's a reason he doesn't even call Chloe by her first name despite feeling close to her, after all.

"It feels strange. Back home he did not care about me at all, even when I was visibly sick and deteriorating in front of his own eyes. And now he is suddenly acting like this."

Edited 2024-06-08 18:39 (UTC)

“Yeah,” Chloe sighs, imagining it. “Lots of those guys, when you're subordinate to them, they don't see you at all.”

What a waste.

“Maybe he feels bad, now that it doesn't matter, about how all that went down?” She doesn't know him, so it's hard to say. “Or like, legally you're equals now, I guess. No one is in the Royal Navy here, huh.”

There's a slight pause.

"Well, if he has decided to feel bad now, then that is far too late." Granted, Billy's feelings on this are a little more complicated than he's really presenting them in this moment.. But he doesn't particularly care to explore them even just to himself, let alone to anyone else.

Still, he shifts a little awkwardly - something Chloe will definitely be able to feel, given how closely they're pressed together.

"He should have cared when I was actively dying of illness."

Chloe nods. “He should have. But I wouldn't be surprised if he was only starting to see you as a real person here. Hierarchies are fucked up.”

She's been low enough on the ladder before to be someone whose pain was both public and invisible, and it sucks. She’s never giving anyone power like that over her again.

“I'm sorry it all got so bad.”

A beautiful fiction I invented to keep out the cold

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now i can only think of your meme HAHAHA.. YOU CURSED ME

ach... nae, I love him...

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