( open ) i'm guessing that i've grown horns

[bigbaddy]

Who: Bigby and you!
What: If there are animal tracks anywhere in the area, you know the big dog's got to chase them down.
When: During April.
Where: First prompt outside the populated areas towards the rockier areas in the wild, second prompt back in Milton.

Content Warnings: Nothing in the log itself, if anything comes up in a thread there will be a warning in the header!

( 1. outside town )

[ Maybe you decided to go along with Bigby out on a little trip - or maybe he invited you along, if he knows you. Maybe you even came out here by yourself, and Bigby ran into you.

Either way, you're standing here now together, out in the rockier area between the mining camp and the ravine - staring down at some tracks in the snow. Even if the fog constantly hanging around is making visibility more of a problem, at least it's still very much possible to just look down and stare at the rather feline tracks in the snow. ]

See? [ Bigby points out to you. ] This is what I was talking about. I haven't seen this here before, but.. judging by the looks of it, that's got to be one big cat.

[ More than just a cat, really. That's why the man's eyebrows are drawn together into a concerned frown as he stares at the tracks, but then looks back up and over at you. ]

It's usually not been a good thing when new tracks appear around here.

( 2. in milton )

[ Running around in the wilds seems to have done very little for actually managing to find whatever animal is out there.. and instead seems to have done a whole lot more to Bigby himself.

After all, with the weather being the way it is, it feels incredibly exhausting to be out there. Let alone going out day after day, since he's so determined to find that thing. And between that and everything that's been happening the past few months, and the stress of the situation and the worries about the Darkwalker..

.. well, Bigby isn't doing so great.

It might become obvious when you see him coming back into Milton after another day of futile tracking. It's like he has to drag his feet to keep on moving as he's walking across town to head back to his place, lines of exhaustion visible in his face. But apparently he's not exhausted enough to no notice someone staring at him, since he'll lift his head to look over at you after a few moments, noticing you there. ]

.. Is something up?

[ For once he doesn't even sound gruff as he's saying it.

Bigby just sounds tired. ]

( ooc: replying with either brackets or prose is fine! i will match! c: )

Comments

[burying]

Um, yeah... [ Kieren trails off, inhaling as if he's trying to gather the words to explain it. It sounds... mad. Like how zombies or the big bad wolf actually existing sound mad, and yet here they are. Even with being what he is, what he and Bigby both are there's... still something just weird talking about it all. ]

I kept... seeing this shape. A shadow. And it looked like me. Exactly like me. [ He looks uncomfortable, explaining it all. But he makes the effort. ] It wouldn't leave me alone and it just... made me feel like shit.

Well, more like shit than usual.

[ It's a default for Kieren, really. ]

[bigbaddy]

.. I think I get it. Zoey described something like that too.

[ Except there he had been able to help a little bit better, thankfully enough. Bigby wouldn't have known what to do if he fucked up that badly twice in a row.

Though it does make him wonder what the difference was. Why he could help there, and yet not with Kieren.

.. Ugh, maybe he shouldn't think about it too deeply. It just makes him feel horrible all over again. Bigby exhales a slow breath and frowns lightly, though more with concern than any real anger. ]

Considering-- uh, what you said though. [ How much of that was the shadow's influence? How much of it was Kieren? Bigby never noticed any of that stuff about the other during the times they talked before the incident. ] The usual must be pretty bad too.

[burying]

[ Ah, shit. Kieren hovers for a moment, hesitating. His mouth opens briefly, but he can't bring himself to speak at first. Maybe that in itself says it all, really. Yeah, it's pretty bad. The usual. Only just... every day of his life.

He doesn't know how to address any of that, really. He doesn't know what he can say to make any of that sound less shit than it already is. So he can only settle with: ]

Sorry that's how you got to find out about... well, me. [ He shoves his hands in his pockets, not knowing what to do with them. ] I just— it's not exactly— it's not easy to talk about. Being... what I am.

I never really wanted people to find but— [ He shrugs, looking a little helpless. ] this place just keeps getting it out of me.

[bigbaddy]

[ It's not an easy thing to talk about. Truly. It's something that works in both directions, because it's kind of difficult for Bigby to navigate too. Not even so much the zombie stuff as much as the stuff about Kieren's depression. It renders the man quiet for a moment before he slowly speaks up again. ]

I get it. Sometimes what you are is just.. something that makes everything else a little bit more complicated.

[ Understatement of the year, really, but it's more just that Bigby doesn't fully want to compare his own situation to Kieren's. It's not quite as bad. After all, his problem isn't really with what he is as much as it's with how other people perceive him because of it. How some people instinctively hate him, even here. ]

And I'll keep your secret, Kieren. [ Like he did at the town meeting, all those months ago. ] For however long you need me to.

[ This place might keep on forcing it out of him, but-- it's not like the whole town knows, after all.

(Yet.) ]

It'd be nice if you didn't have to feel like shit about it all the time. You're a good kid. I'm glad you're around. [ The words are followed with a little shrug - Bigby always feeling awkward when expressing affection of any kind, but-- he's trying. ] Just wish you could see that too.

[burying]

[ Kieren nods, exhaling as he shifts his weight from foot to foot where he stands. Yeah. That's... really just what it is. Being a zombie does make it a little bit more complicated. He hates it. He's Kieren but, well—

He doesn't want to dwell on it so much. There's a thick swallow and he nods again, a little damp-eyed. When he speaks, his voice cracks a little. ]

Thanks. I mean it.

[ Kieren's eyes lower to the ground, mulling over Bigby's words. He's quiet for a short while, as if deliberating to himself. And then— ]

My sister. She found me. I wasn't like how I am now, back then. [ God, it's so complicated, but Bigby doesn't need the full idea of it. Just the gist of it. ] She could have killed me. No one would have blamed her. I would've ended up killing her. But... she didn't, couldn't.

I'm glad she didn't. [ He does mean that. ] It's just— it's hard feeling like that all the time. Being what I am. Knowing the things I did.

[bigbaddy]

[ Damn. Even though Bigby comes - originally, anyway - from a world where stuff like this happens to kids all the time, it still feels rough. Hell, he himself did worse to a kid who was way younger than Kieren is now, but maybe it's telling just how much Bigby has changed that the thought of kids going through tough shit actually makes him feel bad, rather than causing said tough shit with no second thoughts.

There's stuff he could say, but he's sure that Kieren knows it too. That she wanted him to live, so he owes it to her to give it a shot.

So he says none of it. Instead he's quiet for a moment, seeming to think, and then he asks-- ]

What's she like? Your sister.

[ Might as well focus on something that's a little better for Kieren in the long run.

Bigby does know how important family is, after all. Even if it was never really about his brothers in his case. ]

[burying]

[ Kieren raises his eyebrows for a moment. Christ. What's she like? It's not an easy question to answer, really. ]

Jem is... [ He trails off, trying to find words. He finds himself smiling fondly. ] Well, she's Jem.

[ That in itself is really the perfect way of describing her. She's Jem. She's changed a lot, since the last time she saw him. Grown angry and closed herself off. He knows the damage he's done. He knows how badly he's hurt her, and he knows that he can't take any of it back. But she's still Jem. Good and kind. ]

She's got more guts than I do. Stubborn. Bit scary with that gun of hers. [ He'd gone into her room. She'd woken up with such a fright, Colt in hand. The gun was scary, but not Jem. ] But— she's my little sister. She's a good person. People don't get her sometimes but— I do.

[bigbaddy]

[ That smile says enough. Even before Kieren's explanation. It's clear that the two of them are close in some way - and that Kieren is very fond of her. Sucks that he had to be separated from her, though, but-- at least he'll see her again once he goes home, right?

It only means Bigby will have to work even harder to make sure they can finally find some way out of this place. So everyone can go to where they're meant to be, see the people they missed.

He quietly listens to Kieren speak of the girl, and by the time he reaches those final words, even Bigby smiles - or, well, almost. It's tugging at the corners of his lips, that's for sure. ]

You're lucky to have each other. I'm glad.

[ Especially when it does seem like Kieren could use all the support he can get. If his family is at least good to him, then-- that's good. ]

I have brothers too, y'know. A whole bunch of 'em. Never understood any of them though, so it sounds like it was very different for you and Jem back home.

[burying]

... I hurt her a lot, when I died. [ Kieren's smile grows small, sad. ] I'm her big brother, I'm the one who's not supposed to leave.

[ He'll never stop being sorry for that. He didn't even leave a note. He just... left. And after days of being missing, after already being dead — Jem was the one who spoke up. Who told their parents of where she thought he might be. He hates himself so much for doing that to them. To his parents, to Jem.

His head dips for a moment. Things are better now, but for a long time they weren't. They're still— still a little precarious. But it's better. ]

I dunno, maybe you just need to work out what it is to understand them. It's not always easy.

[bigbaddy]

Ah, well.. [ His voice trails off. It sounds a little bit awkward, despite the way Bigby shrugs his shoulder so dismissively a moment later. ] I think it's probably different when it comes to wolves.

[ It's him downplaying a whole lot of stuff, but really - he's not going to give Kieren all that baggage. It seems like the kid has enough of his own to carry around with him already, especially right now.

He reaches out a hand to give Kieren's shoulder a squeeze. It's a little awkward, like he isn't used to the physical contact, but the intentions behind it are genuine. ]

But now we have a reason to make sure you stay alive here, right? You have to go back and see your family again once we find a way back to our homes.

think maybe we can start to wrap this one? ;u;

[burying]

... Well, that's a good point. [ Listen, Kieren has absolutely zero knowledge when it comes to the dynamics of wolf relationships. So like, in truth, he really doesn't know. It's amazing at all Kieren's being even a slither of optimistic. He's a former suicide.

An optimist with depressive tendencies, Amy once pointed out.

His head dips a little at the shoulder squeeze, nodding slightly. Shy with the contact, but appreciative of what Bigby's trying to do. Yeah, it's a little awkward. But it's okay. ]

Yeah. Yeah— [ He's got a point. He has to get back home. He has to get out of this place. ] ... Thanks, Bigby.

[ There's a little huff, almost humourous. ]

Hey, I'm the one bringing you coffee since you need a break— not the other way round, yeah?

yes! we can wrap it with this, or you can give it another tag if you want!

[bigbaddy]

[ There's a shift in his expression that definitely seems to signal something along the lines of 'yeah, point taken.' He really is the one overworking himself here, and Bigby knows it.

Still.. ]

Maybe we could all use a little bit of a rest. [ With all the weird shit going on. Sure, the wildcats aren't the worst thing they've endured, but Bigby is still a little worried about them encroaching on the route between here and Lakeside. It's going to cause trouble when people travel back and forth. ] Which I will get-- Once I'm done dealing with those things out there.

[ He holds up the mug. ]

The coffee's helping, though.