Being born again into the sweet morning fog

[goingtobeunwell]

Who: Crozier and OTA | Various Closed Starters

What: April shenanigans, featuring: fog! preparing for the midnight sun! caring for stubborn folks! 

When: All throughout April
Where: In Milton-proper and various places outside of town

Warnings: Mentions of cannibalism, murder, and some fisticuffs 

Comments

[load_aim_shoot]

They both sound good.

A moment later Francis smirks. From there it's easier to tell that the cough that follows it is very close to laughter, and the dismay on Raju's face dissolves into a wide grin. "You ass," he says cheerfully, tossing the book in his hand at Francis in retaliation. "'How could I ever choose,' I was getting myself ready to read this entire story to you! I thought you really liked these ridiculous..."

Raju huffs, brushing his fingers in a dismissive gesture against the spines of the ones in front of him on the shelf. "You don't, do you? That really was a joke, all of it?" Important to make sure. Very sure. He wants to be certain whether any more of that is in his future someplace.

[goingtobeunwell]

Crozier dodges the book, outright laughing now with that higher-pitched wheeze of his, the kind where his breath catches and he coughs until he starts back up again. He has tears in his eyes by the time the laughter actually subsides.

“If I wanted to read it I’d do it in my own time,” he tells him, leaving it purposely vague. Maybe one day he’d crave something saccharine, who knows! He gropes behind him for the book/makeshift weapon, fingertips hitting on the corner and dragging it back to him to inspect a little closer. “You would have read the whole thing to me if I’d asked, wouldn’t you?”

[load_aim_shoot]

That isn't a, yes, it really was completely a joke and I'm definitely not going to want to read any of these, so Raju can't use any of the awful things for tinder, and might need to deal with their contents again one day. But Francis laughing that way after the way the man has been feels a little like holding him had felt before, the same bright feeling pressing against the inside of Raju's chest, but where the need to hold him together had been solid and hard-edged this one is less urgent, viscous and slow-moving, spreading its warmth all through the other parts of Raju while he listens to Francis laugh.

That kind of laughter crinkles up the skin of Francis' face as much as it does the sound of his voice. It looks well on him. Very well. Francis' answer itself was anything but reassuring, and it's impossible to mind.

"Of course," Raju answers, grabbing at the Alice in Wonderland as his smile curls fondly over his face, even while his tone sounds very vaguely insulted that it's even in question. He takes the book — not his favourite, still, but at least the annoyance there is half nostalgia, and it seems like the best option now — with him over to Francis and the fireplace.

"Why do you think I'm trying to find out whether you actually like it?" he adds, taking a moment just to smile at Francis before leaning over to inspect the tea. He'd be surprised if it wasn't hot enough by now. "I'm trying to figure out how high the danger levels are. Worrying that you don't want to tell me."

[goingtobeunwell]

“It is worrying, isn’t it? Shame, that.” He can’t completely put Raju at ease, after all. Where would the fun be in that!

Once Raju is close he pulls the corner of the blanket back and slides half around his broad shoulders, a silent gesture to ask for his forgiveness for such a cruel (albeit still very funny) joke. He’s still smiling, bright and unbothered, whatever weight pressing on him from before at least momentarily forgotten. Raju would read the damn things to him if he asked - it’s so kind and selfless, very much Raju to a fault.

“The contents may one day prove useful, you never know.” How and why remains a mystery.

He peers over at the chosen book in Raju’s hands, the faded, colorful illustration on the shiny dust jacket looking like something from Swift. “You picked the one book I’m unfamiliar with,” he admits quietly. “Have you read it before?”

[load_aim_shoot]

"Mhm." Raju's indulgent look — he'd been trying for derision, useful as sitting on a nail, but hadn't quite been able to get his expression there — fades into focus as Raju sets the book close to Francis for him to examine, while Raju pours a cup of the tea. Well, 'tea', the closest thing to it that they have. It's warm, though, and it could taste worse, and the moment Francis' hand is free Raju is going to press the cup into it, hands wrapped around Francis' and lingering enough to squeeze. Then he'll settle himself underneath the blanket close along Francis' side, Francis' gesture with the blanket feeling natural, and along the same course Raju had seen the evening going anyway.

"Once, as a young man," he goes on, one arm slipping easily around Francis' side. "I don't remember whether I finished it. I'd be very surprised if I did. I hated this thing, refused to waste my time on anything else that Carroll ever wrote, afterward. Of course, I hadn't tried any of those then."

He nods toward the one he'd thrown at Francis, voice as pleased and warm as if he was relating a story about some fond childhood memory. He supposes anything might feel that way right now. "It isn't cerebral or grim like the Shelley, and makes a great deal less sense than the Austen. Maybe you'll like it."

[goingtobeunwell]

Crozier takes a careful sip of the boiled root - because it’s certainly more of a soup than a tea, but it is warm, that’s all that matters - and secures the cup between crossed legs.

“So you’re saying I’m inclined to like something you so loathed you swore never to try to read it again,” he deadpans. “Interesting.”

He waits a beat and then tips his head onto Raju’s shoulder. “No time for something frivolous in your life, was there?”

[load_aim_shoot]

"Mm, not at all." Raju turns his head and smiles into Francis' hair, pleased that Francis and he are close enough in height at least when sitting down that Francis can still sit comfortably this way, pleased that Francis had taken it upon himself to lay his head against Raju here and had seemed to do it so naturally. One thumb starts running up and down over the edges of the book's pages as he picks it up again, while his other hand tightens a little over Francis' waist.

"It was hard to get books back from the city to where I lived when Uncle had to work so I couldn't take many, and even when I was staying with him, of course you can't stop to read until it's too late to get something better. I tried to learn what I could from it when I didn't have anything else, but I resented it terribly. I was old enough to realise that Alice was a child but young enough to resent her for it, and Carroll for not writing up to my incredible intellect."

He pauses to laugh very quietly, the breath of it stirring up Francis' fine hair. "Maybe I'll see it a little differently now."

[goingtobeunwell]

Being held like this feels remarkably close to being drunk. He doesn’t know why he ever craved the whiskey, this makes his head spin just as nicely. Raju’s arm holding him so snugly, the warmth of his breath on his scalp - it’s just enough to feel loved. His eyes flutter closed briefly and he grumbles in response to how unfair it all seems that Raju’s brilliant mind never got the nourishment it deserved.

Such is life, and life is unfair at the best of times.

“Perhaps you will,” he chuckles quietly. “Or perhaps we’ll wind up loathing it together.”

[load_aim_shoot]

Raju hums in agreement, content. "Let's find out," he says, and his free hand moves the book open.

"Chapter one," he reads, over the top of Francis' head. "Down the rabbit-hole. Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do..."

As he reads the hand on Francis begins to move in a slow, up-and-down rhythm, palm pressed up against Francis' side. Francis' weight as Raju holds it up is solid, comfortable. Francis holds the tea that Raju made him in his lap and it'll surely warm him there, while the heat of their bodies grows underneath the blanket around them. The goosebumps have faded from Raju's skin as he's settled, and everything is warm again. He's content to keep reading until he does finally find out what the end of this book contains, or until Francis falls asleep.