singillatim | i'll tell you now, i didn't even mean it

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i'll tell you now, i didn't even mean it — open

Who: Maccready & You!
What: A chance for people to follow up with Maccready following the shooting of Bigby & Kieren.
When: Mid to late May.
Where: Around Milton.

Content Warnings: Discussions of gunshot wounds, lingering effects of Glimmerfog. Anything else in headers.

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You were sick, right? I-I had the same thing. And before...um, well, maybe stay away from mushrooms if you're not sure about them.

I doubt he's mad, but I could ask him if you want.

[ He was sick. It would be so easy to chalk it all up to that, wouldn't it? And sure, it's true, he was objectively speaking. ]

Yeah, I was — or, sort of still am? — n-not like that, though. [ He's quick to add; he's still exhausted, still having trouble sleeping. But he's of sound mind, for the most part. ] You don't have to do that, he uh, he's probably y'know, resting.

[ Coming here was a bad idea, he should have left it alone. ]

… Have you seen him yet, or?

Over the worst of it at least.

Yeah. He's fine, just annoyed about needing to rest.

Here's hoping… [ sure, he feels better, but who knows how he might be feeling in an hour or two — would it be possible to decline so rapidly? He sure as hell doesn't know, and his lack of rifle right now is testament to that. ] I still don't really know what happened, like, it's all a blur.

[ Still not meeting Levi's eye, he tilts his head a fraction; not quite a nod, though close enough. ]

Okay. Yeah, that's— that's good, at least, I— [ he sucks in a breath. ] Resting is really all he's annoyed about?

Just be careful, don't do anything too strenuous until you're feeling well again.

[He's been studying under Dr. Goodsir, so medical advice is starting to become normal.]

He's not really the type to slow down, I think.

[ The first real sign that he's on the mend is probably the fact he rolls his eyes at the guidance; though not in a way intended to be disparaging. ]

Yeah, I know, I'm trying. I'd say you're too young to be giving me medical advice, but— [ mm, nope. He visibly falters, corners of his lips pulling into an unhappy line. Not today. He feels bad enough without adding hypothetical disappointments onto the pile. He shakes his head lightly. ] That's uh, the impression I get, too. Maybe he needs the advice then…

I've been studying with Dr. Goodsir. We've had doctors, um, not make it before so I figured it was good to learn.

[He shrugs.]

I told him. I'm sure other people have too. I just hope he listens. Its advice I think a lot of people here would have trouble following too.

[He certainly would.]

[ To that, Maccready just shakes his head again. Doctors not making it… Yeah, he knows how that is — he all but cuts Levi off when he speaks again. ]

No, it's fine, that's not what I meant. But uh, yeah… There's probably a lot of us here who could be better about following medical advice. [ Like, right at the top of that list: don't go into the weird fog! But here they are. ] You said you got sick too, though? Did you, y'know…

[ Finally, he actually catches Levi's eye; just for a second, before he glances way and back at a point in the distance. ]

See anything weird.

I got...real confused. I wasn't really sure where I was anymore, where I was or what was going on.

Before, with the mushrooms, was like that too. Uh, b-but not all mushrooms are like that. They were weird mushrooms people found out in the forest had just felt like they had to eat. Hopefully they won't show up again.

Hopefully the fog won't either. None of it was good.

[ He remains quiet as Levi speaks, a short incline of his head the only real indication he's listening with the way he keeps averting his eyes, looking everywhere but directly at him — he's nervous. Like he expects someone else to show up, someone angrier. ]

Confused. Yeah… That sounds about right. I saw things from home, things that— [ he swallows, audible and tense. ] That shouldn't be here. But it looked so… real.

[ It's said because he feels like he ought to justify it, even if Levi isn't asking — doesn't strike him as the kind of person who would pry and demand answers, honestly. ]

Someone told me when I first arrived that this place, it made people see ghosts. I don't think I believed him, but…

[ Ghosts of his past, maybe, less those white-sheet apparitions left behind in decorations from before the bombs fell. ]

...yeah. I think I know what you mean.

A-a lot of weird stuff happens here. I think at this point I'd expect anything.

[ A lot of weird stuff happens here. It's an innocent enough statement, it really shouldn't frustrate him, but it does. ]

Weird is when mutants start reciting Shakespeare, not— Not any of the stuff that's happening here. Not knowing what to expect is what gets me, like, how are we supposed to deal with any of this shit—

[ Whatever bluster he seems to have found dies off pretty quickly, short outburst over with, he's back to looking sheepish and rubbing at his eye before he pulls off his cap and drags a hand through his hair. He takes a moment to breathe. This whole Glimmerfog ordeal hasn't been great for watching his language. ]

Sorry, I… [ with a sigh, he places his cap back on haphazardly. ] Having our sense of self, our autonomy twisted or whatever, its… I don't know how we're supposed to make it out of this place with sanity intact.

[He has no idea what a mutant is but it probably doesn't matter. He nods.]

Yeah...I don't know either. Its all pretty crazy. I really wish things would be calm for a few months, give us time to recover from everything that's happened so far.

[ It definitely does matter, at least, not in the bigger picture of things anyway. ]

You and me both… [ he says it with such a drawn out sigh, that it's evident the toll this place is having on him. When he first arrived, he'd figured he'd be able to handle whatever was thrown at him. Now, well, now he's not quite so sure. ] The things I've seen — we've seen — at home…

[ He adds the correction, because Levi has told him what he did before he was here, and he's sure he's had to have seen his own horrors as a result. Wonders how they compare to supernatural monsters and forced sleeplessness, fog that twists their minds or burns their skin. A small shake of his head. ]

I guess I just— I figured everything here would be easier, somehow.

[He nods.]

I came from--um, before I showed up here things were pretty bad. When this place wasn't immediately trying to kill us I thought it might be easier too. I doubt any of us could really know to expect...uh, here.

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