You must continue and you must keep going

[maintiensledroit]

Who: Benton Fraser & you!

What: July-August catchall

When: July-August

Where: Milton, Lakeside, the woods

[open and closed starters through July & August in the comments! hmu @ repeatandfade for questions/plotting ]

Comments

[maintiensledroit]

[ Ben comes to sit next to her, setting his hat aside as he does — and glancing into the kitchen as he walks with her to the couch, making a note to seek out what supplies he can and to bring them to her. He waits quietly as she reads the letter to him, then takes the one she offers and scans the few lines there once and then again, a rueful smile tugging at one corner of his mouth. ]

He always did worry about that. It's why he asked me to stay with him to begin with.

[ He runs his fingers lightly over the familiar handwriting; keep learning, that sentiment that is so purely Heartman, and smiles a little more warmly as he offers the letter back to her. ]

I told him about you, you know.

[balancedlight]

[She looks, well, slightly startled by that admission.]

Did you? What did you tell him? What did he say?

[It's such a normal conversation to have about someone and she feels a rush of heat to her face as she thinks - how will she face him now?

Immediately followed by the agonizing memory that she won't have to worry about it. When Ben sits, she loops an arm through his, leaning on him for strength now.]

[maintiensledroit]

[ He can feel warmth flooding the back of his neck, tingling at the tips of his ears, but he does his best to ignore it. It isn't as though he's hidden his regard for her in any way, and he's certain Heartman would want him to speak from... well, from his heart. ]

I told him you're a wonderful woman. That you're brilliant and kind and lovely... that when I'm with you, I'm very happy.

[ It doesn't feel like enough; it feels dangerously like too much. He clears his throat, a little self-conscious, but chuckles a little at the memory. ]

He was... enthusiastically supportive.

[balancedlight]

[She looks down and away a moment, feeling delightfully silly and still on the verge of tears. Death is a constant, it's always on their minds, and she's somewhat relieved that there wasn't the horror that awaited him like so many others. That it was simply the body giving out, as it does.

She wants to imagine he was happy. Supportive. Pleased.]

If - if there is death here, then why not life, Ben? Not merely survival, not merely getting through to another day, but life? Even in brief moments.

[That's what she wanted for him. The person who wrote this letter was alive. The one who told her about the talismans was alive. She wants to be alive, too.]

These moments I have with you are life. I'm glad he knew that. I'm glad - you know that, too. [Because life is fragile here. Like the snowflakes that fall and land and break or melt, she wants to cherish it.]

[maintiensledroit]

I know it.

[ There's nothing but certainty in his tone, as he looks down at her, as he takes her hand in his and threads their fingers together. ]

I feel it, too. And he shared your opinion, I know, that we should not only accept that life is here, too, but embrace it. He wanted the people here to find happiness, connection, knowledge, love. Pushing forward was never simply about survival, to him. I—

[ He looks down at their hands, then over at her again; this sweet, warm woman with a heart large enough to include everyone. Sympathy comes easily to her, as do these small affectionate touches, and he's so helplessly grateful for her in this moment that it aches. ]

I'll miss him dreadfully.

[balancedlight]

[It isn't fair, she thinks, that she must rely so much on Ben when he has been through so much himself. She feels so helplessly selfish, because he makes it so easy. She's never met a more kind hearted man in her life, and all she wants to do is give him the world.

What would escape from this place mean? What would be next? Her life has changed so drastically from what it was before, and now she has her own choices.

Terrifying and horrible choices sometimes, but that's often the price for freedom.

She squeezes his hand and brings it close to press a kiss against it.]

As will I. Do you - need help for him? Building the fire or - or anything else? I want to help. He's worth it.

[maintiensledroit]

[ He tightens his fingers on hers as she lifts his hand, then lets go so he can curve those same fingers against her cheek. His ribs are healing, but he feels sore all over, like he's been pummeled by fists and feet, like he rolled off a cliff into a too-shallow snow bank. His voice is even, but very low. His throat is tight and hot and aching as he swallows thickly; it's been a long time since tears were this close.

But there they stay, pushed way down deep, swallowed back. His eyes are dry even as it feels like his heart is breaking. ]

Yes. I...

Yes. Thank you.

[ He doesn't know how to say the words, but maybe she understands anyway with the way he watches her, his eyes dry but clear, all the way down to the pain he doesn't know how to release, that what he really needs is her. Just her, in this moment, in the hard ones to come. He could find help from other quarters, but that would be help with Heartman. Not for him. ]

[balancedlight]

[She knows, but there's nothing else she wants in this world than to make that pain go away. And there's nothing else she can do for him but be here. Fortunately for both of them, time and attention is what she has in spades, and she's happy to spend it all on him.

She sits up, repositioning a bit so she can wrap her arms around him, enveloping him against her chest, keeping him close as long as he wants.]