open | so make mine a pain in the neck

[burying]

Who: Kieren Walker + You!
What: Kieren returns to Milton after his self-exile. Catch-all for August.
When: Mid-August, onwards.
Where: Various.

Content Warnings: Will be added to specific prompts!



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Comments

coincidentally that's the reason he's mad

[thefifthchild]

Does she need to be?

[It's a pity party. A funeral staged solely to assuage (to romantacize) the guilt of the culprit, because they refused to do it for him.

Forgive me, father, for I have sinned.]

It's not as if this has anything to do with her.

welp

[burying]

[ Kieren frowns, turning back again. He looks confused, a little incredulous. Of course she needs to be here, the dead don't forgive. ]

... What?

[ A beat. ]

Course it does. I hurt her. I killed her.

[thefifthchild]

[He clicks his tongue in irritation. He could go all in, launch a scathing takedown on this... child that thinks itself a monster. It's not sympathy that stops him, so much as practicality.

Alfred hovers behind him, but doesn't speak. Not yet.]

You did kill her, Kieren. There are factors at play beyond that - your own condition, the state of the Aurora, the food shortages, the lack of any game. But that doesn't change anything. You killed her.

So what are you going to do now?

[burying]

[ Kieren stares at him, there's still that look on his face. Incredulous, a little hurt — his jaw set. So what are you going to do now? It makes his chest ache and his head dips a little. He doesn't know. He doesn't know what he's going to do. He doesn't know why he's come back for the most part. ]

... I don't know. [ It's uttered tightly, his jaw still tense. ] I didn't expect to get this far.

[ He doesn't even know how he's still alive after what he did. ]

[thefifthchild]

[Damian stares back, eyes hard behind his mask and the white lenses. He's a lot smaller than Kieren. And yet somehow he manages to loom.]

Another question then.

You made a choice, immediately after your "trial." You could have helped, you could have worked to make things right. Instead you ran off at the earliest opportunity.

[Therein lies the root of Damian's grievance.]

Why?

[burying]

[ ... God this kid is creepy. Kieren's quiet for a while. Exile had been an option on the table at the meeting. Kieren had already made up his mind. Leaving is what he does, it's the only thing he knows what to do. And he couldn't bear the thought of it happening again. ]

Because I gave I shit.

[ That's the truth of it. Because he was horrified, because he didn't want to hurt anyone else. Leaving the first time round was because to spare himself from own pain, leaving this time was to spare everyone else from pain. ]

Because it was better for everyone that I did.

meanness incominjg

[thefifthchild]

See, I'm not sure I believe that. Not entirely.

[Of course, guilt always plays a part. But he's been in Kieran's position before. He knows what it is.]

I have no doubt that you "gave a shit." So much so that you were choking on just how much you care, you'd do anything to escape the guilt. Anything to escape the way they look at you with fear or hate. Or worst of all... pity.

So you ran away to bury your head in the snow where you'll never feel that way again. The path of least resistance. The same reason that you kept it a secret in the first place.

Am I wrong?

excuse you

[burying]

No, I— I kept it a secret in the first place because they kill people like me, back home. Because they don't even look at you like you're a person anymore.

[ Rick came back. It was a gift. A one time deal. And his father killed him anyway. Because to him, it wasn't his son. It was an imposter, a monster. ]

I told people I could trust, but I'm sorry if I didn't want the whole town knowing a zombie was walking amongst them when this place is hard enough as it is.

[ He gets to his feet. He's a tall, gangly thing. And he's angry, because he has got it wrong. Yes, he runs away. But not for that, never to hide away from how anyone would look at him. Never to escape his guilt. ]

And I don't need anyone telling me how I'm feeling because believe me, I feel. I don't run away from the guilt. That's never going away. I ran away because I did the one thing I've spent nearly a year hoping I'd never do because my entire existence here is feeling like I'm a walking grenade.

So yeah. You're wrong.

[thefifthchild]

So you do have a backbone. I was beginning to wonder.

[That reaction appears to be part of what he was hoping for, at least, as evidenced by the small insufferable smirk on his face.

Defensiveness and indignant anger beat self pity and flagellation. Of course people knew about his secret. Hickey knew, for one. Which indicates the sheer quality of this idiot boy's judgement of character, but whatever. Still... there's more. That whole insular circle of persecution complexes, probably.]

You do seem to have an irritating habit of phrasing your self serving motives like they were for the net good of others, though.

Would you like a solution? For when this happens again? [Not if.]

[burying]

Who the fuck are you, anyways? Other than an actual dickhead.

[ Kids were shit back in school. They never dared to do anything because he always hung around Rick, but he doesn't remember them being this much of a prick. ]

Yeah, no. It's not self-serving. Which, again, getting a lot of shit wrong about someone you don't even know. [ His expression contorts a little with disgust and suspicion. ] Weirdly sounds like you're trying to project.

[ Are your self-serving motives done and passed off for the good of others, hm? ]

I'm dealing with it. I was dealing with it the first day I got here.

[ Unfortunately, Edward Little was busy shooting someone else to shoot him. ]

[thefifthchild]

[He scoffs. Yes. Definitely a persecution complex. Given what he's observed from similar conditions in his world, it's probably justified to some extent. The effect of his indignance is dampened by the way that they stand on the grave of the woman he murdered.

Damian mulls it over, the smirk disappearing and being replaced by a flat stare of exasperation and something resembling boredom. I may have mistaken more whining for a backbone.]

I'm Robin. And an actual dickhead, sure. [It's a new one.]

Anyone who claims to not be acting on any level of self interest is either a moron or a supervillain. But I'm not going to break down what self-serving actually means because I don't make a habbit of educating lost causes or zombies. Unless it's about rocks.

[Anyway.]

I wouldn't worry about me being "mean" though. Everyone else will pat you on the back and feel sorry for you. And none of them will put you down when you ask for it. Because that's what you mean when you say you're "dealing" with it, right?

[There is an element of projection, he can admit. It's reinforced by the nervousness he feels radiating off of Alfred, always a step behind actually intervening and telling him to stop and leave this poor kid alone. Kieren ran away, he ran away. Kieren's a monster, he's a monster. Surely he's just externalizing his own issues then?

Not really. There is all that but there's another principle that nags at him. When you do something wrong, you make it right.]