if i get home before daylight

[salamanca]

who: lalo salamanca + you!
what: lalo's log for the month of august, including closed + open threads! ft. lalo's bulletin board post and the re-opening of his restaurant at doe's retreat in lakeside
when: throughout august
where: lalo's restaurant in lakeside (first 2 weeks of august) + all around milton (second two weeks of august)


[ open + closed starters below. ]

Comments

[maintiensledroit]

[ His eyebrows flicker slightly upwards at witch powers, but otherwise his expression stays open and attentive as Lalo goes on. It reminds him of late nights playing poker with Ray and Huey and Louis, the guys all complaining about their women and wondering where they went wrong, or ribbing each other affectionately about their various missteps.

So he listens, and when Lao's finished, he's silent for a moment, giving the questions the other man asked his full attention as he mulls them over. ]

I suspect your friends would only be happy to know you're happy and enjoying yourself. And opinions from anyone who isn't your friend can be safely ignored. But I'm afraid I don't quite understand why you'd feel like less of a man.

[ He spreads his hands in a slight shrug. ]

It sounds as though you and Chloe understand and enjoy each other. How you enjoy each other really seems to be nobody's business but your own.

[salamanca]

[ His... friends? Does Lalo even have any of those? Not back home.

Except Ignacio, maybe. He feels a pang inside at that thought.

It's almost quaint, really. How innocent Fraser's advice is. Fraser really has rube written all over him.

And yet Lalo feels something warm inside his chest anyway. He's not sure why, since the surrounding environment is still cold, and his fire powers haven't been going haywire lately. It's strange. Like something is glowing in his chest. Maybe his powers are getting stronger! He'll have to see what else he can do.

He looks at Fraser with a smile, that for once, doesn't need to be practiced. He almost doesn't realize he's smiling until he feels something tug at his cheeks.

He reaches out to clap Fraser on the shoulder, with a warm twinkle in his eye. He feels a sudden rush of gratitude towards the other man, without understanding why. It's not like he'd expected Fraser to mock him -- does Fraser even know how to mock people? Lalo suspects no.

But somehow he hadn't expected something this simple to make him feel so at ease. ]

...Yeah. Yeah! Thanks, man. [ He reaches out to grasp Fraser shoulder firmly, in a show of thanks. ] Who cares what they think, right? Fuck 'em!

[maintiensledroit]

[ The hand clasping his shoulder is familiar and not all at the same time; he's suddenly and viscerally reminded of Ray Vecchio, who certainly shares some similarities of personality with Lalo. Fraser suspects they wouldn't get along, but that doesn't make the commonalities any less apparent.

He smiles a little and nods, but his expression is still serious. ]

The important thing is what you think, Lalo. Why do you think it's been bothering you?

[ It's important to keep his questions focused on Lalo's problem, though he finds himself continuing to wonder why the man asked him for help in this particular manner. Perhaps it was just because he happened to be nearby when Lalo was thinking it over.

But that doesn't mean he can't empathize, or think back on his own experiences and use them to try and see where Lalo might be coming from. ]

I was fortunate to grow up with several strong women in my life, and have met many more throughout my career. I once helped an Inuit woman give birth out on the ice... when it was over, she took her baby and walked back to her home through a storm. To me, that kind of strength has always been something to admire.

[salamanca]

[ "Why do you think it's been bothering you?" Oh, no. Introspection! Lalo hates introspection! It is usually not fun, and so he usually avoids it. Typically, he'd rather forget his problems.

But he swallows that impulse and focuses on answering that question. ]

I just... I wasn't raised like that. I mean, don't get me wrong. Strong women. That's great. But the way I was brought up, I -- I dunno. We just don't do shit like this, man. It's not normal. What if somebody thinks I'm gay?

[ Lalo's Abuelita is as strong as any of his male relatives, just in a different way. And there are plenty of strong women throughout his family tree. Some who run their families more than their husbands do.

At the same time, he hails from a kind of cultural machismo, combined with the atmosphere of 2000s criminal underworld, that does not make a man being submissive to a woman feel "normal".

As for having the wrong kind of sex with a woman being "gay"... sorry, Fraser. Have fun with that one.

As for why Lalo told Faser? Well, that's simple! Fraser feels like the one person Lalo can be 100% sure won't make fun of him or tell anybody else, especially Chloe. Lalo's paranoia is limitless, but Fraser's innate trustworthiness is even moreso. It just shines out of him. Lalo can't imagine he's capable of the kind of mockery Lalo fears right now. And he's a man. That's important. Lalo could never talk to a woman about this.

Lalo listens to Fraser's story with rapt attention, only asking once Fraser is finished before asking with a straight face: ]

Was she hot?

[ He doesn't give Fraser a chance to answer before he grins and says: ] Nah, nah! I'm just kidding, man. [ He winks. ] I think I understand what you mean. [ Thoughtfully, he rubs his mustache, considering it. ]

[maintiensledroit]

[ Lalo is all good-natured bluster, waving off his joke, but Fraser looks thoughtful for a moment, then nods. ]

Yes, she was quite attractive.

[ He waves at his own mouth, baring his teeth for a moment. ] She had very strong teeth.

[ It's a useful physical quality for someone whose diet consists largely of meat, and who lives hundres of kilometers from the nearest dentist.

That question thus set aside, he turns his attention back to what Lalo was saying before. It hasn't escaped his notice that Lalo has a tendency to push smoothly past things he might consider awkward or embarrassing, and perhaps it would be the polite thing to let him change the subject, but—

Well, he had been in some distress, and he'd asked Fraser for help, and so Fraser is determined to help him however he can.

Still, his question is a bewildering one. ]

I think it would be difficult for anyone to consider a consensual sexual relationship between a man and a woman to be 'gay,' Lalo. What you have might be unorthodox, but it still lacks the necessary requirements for that particular distinction.

[ His tone remains thoughtful and level and without a hint of judgement. ]

Why, do you find it makes you attracted to men?

[ That seems unlikely, but considering how worried Lalo is about it, he thinks it's worth breaching the subject. ]

[salamanca]

[ In a strange way, Lalo is grateful that Fraser doesn't let him evade the subject. When Lalo feels embarrassed about something, it's sheer instinct to cheerfully brush over it, as Fraser had noted. But he won't get to the bottom of this by breezing over everything.

He has to actually open up about his insecurities. He actually does smile genuinely at Fraser's kindness, from his serious assessment of the woman with strong teeth to Fraser's gentle prodding about his insecurities.

Lalo's ears get red; common for him now, when he's embarrassed. He realizes how vulnerable he feels right now, and how alien that feels to him. To some people this might be nothing, but to Lalo, he feels like he's exposing his soft underbelly to Fraser in a way that could easily be deeply embarrassing for him if Fraser wasn't the nicest man alive. There are so many insecurities he's exposing to Fraser right now.

Lalo is not afraid of violence, or death, or mortal peril. He's not afraid of the icy wastelands they find themselves in or the creatures that live in them. But right now, it takes a lot of courage for him not to brush past again and force himself to just directly answer Fraser's question.

He rubs the back of his neck, and looks down at his shoes. He clears his throat. ]

Yes.

[ They might be in snowy Canada, but Lalo feels like he's going to disappear in a blaze of fire at any moment as he heats up from the embarrassment. ]