singillatim | open | every life is a pile of good things and bad things;

[ It helps that he's met the Doctor before, really. The other's chattiness would have been utterly shocking to Billy if this was his first time meeting the other, considering people tend to be more reserved than this where it comes from. But the last time he spoke to this man he had been similarly chatty and energetic, and it makes it at least less surprising when Billy tries to listen to the other ramble on, despite the sharp pain in his ankle.

Truthfully, the surprising thing doesn't come until the end there. It gives him Billy's full attention - the lanky man blinking at him, a kind of surprise obviously present in his eyes. ]

Better?

[ There's something faintly wary about it too. Sorry, nothing personal - it's just that Billy isn't really used to people willingly offering him help like this in the first place, so he can't help but wonder what the other's angle here is. Is he going to want something in return for this? Is he actually about to make it worse?

...

He resists the urge to pull his foot back, if not just because he knows it's going to hurt like hell if he does. Instead he asks, cautiously: ]

What do you mean?

[ In the entirety of his life, he's never thought to wonder what's in it for him, what he gets back in return for helping. Of course, there is a selfishness in him, always. It's more of a roundabout payment in that sense — he is here to help, whenever and wherever 'here' may be. That happens to be with William Gibson right now, but no matter where he goes, he's always there to help.

What does he ask in return? Nothing. (He thinks.) No, no, it's only — the way he can't be alone. The way he takes people from their safe and ordinary lives and promises them the stars and puts them in danger and — well, there's none of that here. He's a madman with a box, without a box. He can be his straightforwardly helpful self, and his earnestness can be doubted, and he'll still carry on as he always does. ]

Fix it, entirely. A few weeks back there was that aurora — that strange dream. Not everyone felt it, from what I've heard. And it's not the first time it's happened, I know. But in that dream — [ He won't share the details, it was far too personal, but what matters most is what happened when he woke. ] When I woke, I was given this ability to heal, evidently. Handy thing, that, all things considered here.

[ Does he like that his body and mind have been manipulated as they have been? No, it's just another thing out of his control, but he's at least able to help others quite literally and in a place like this, it truly is beneficial. ]

There's no need for you to soldier on with this injury when I can make it go away.

.. well, I suppose that does only make sense.

[ That last part, that is. Billy is a lot less surprised by the fact that this is just something the other can do now when he knows about his own ability to make fire appear out of nowhere, when he has witnessed his own husband turn into an animal on the spot.

Healing seems just about as strange as all of that, but-- if it's true, and possible, then of course he'll take it. Billy doesn't want to have to attempt to live here with this until it naturally heals. It'll make him weaker. It'll make him prey, and he knows it.

Still, despite his agreement, there's a part of him that still looks hesitant as he gazes upon the other man. The Doctor may be able to see it in Billy's expression too - like he's still thinking about something, wondering something. ]

Though you are certain it does not come with any downsides? [ It wouldn't be the first time. Powers here usually do. Billy knows his own ability comes with a rather large downside, and he's not sure if healing his ankle might not cause more trouble for him later down the road if that is true here as well. ]

I've used it a few times before now, I haven't had any lingering trouble.

[ Sometimes he is careful in how he crafts his words, very precise. It isn't a complete lie; he's healed others, and he would only consider "lingering trouble" to be something he couldn't recover from, which is not the case. He's removing the injury and absorbing it into himself, but his body will heal and that's all that matters. There's no need to go into details about it, he thinks.

That Billy asks, though, that he thinks to inquire about side effects, says something meaningful about him to the Doctor. He's quick to offer a smile he hopes is reassuring. ]

A moment or two, that's all, and then you'll be on your way.

[ Even if it wasn't obvious that his ankle was injured, another handy thing with this ability has been the way he can seem to feel it when someone needs the healing he can provide. He kneels closer, carefully positioning his hands, focusing on what he needs and wants to do. There's no fanfare about it, really, just a touch that seems simple enough on the surface, while doing so much more that can't be seen. Billy won't feel anything unique at all, just gradually the sensation of that pain disappearing. All the while, the Doctor feels his own ankle begin to ache, but he's too focused on what he's doing to betray that outwardly. ]

How's it feeling?

[ Billy is still wary of this. Not as much of the person carrying it out as much as he's wary of the act itself, but he also isn't turning it down. It feels like taking a risk to just allow this to happen, but the man is also well aware it's not like he's going to be able to get home easily if he just leaves the injury as-is.

.. though.. to his surprise the power seems to work. Exactly the way the other described it, too. One moment he can still feel the sharp pain in his ankle, and the next moment it starts to fade, until it's gone completely a few moments later.

It puts a kind of strange look on Billy's face. It's comical in some ways - looking like he can't believe what he's feeling, or what's happening here. He experimentally shakes his foot a little after the other removes his hand from it, but it feels just fine. Like nothing ever happened.

Billy doesn't even have time to remove the comically surprised look from his face in favor of the more neutral and polite expression he prefers when he looks over at the Doctor. ]

It's.. fine. [ He definitely doesn't sound like he can believe what just happened either. ] They truly gave you an ability that is this powerful?

[ When that pain fully settles in the Doctor's own ankle, he has to hold an inhale perhaps a moment longer than he normally would, his breath slightly uneasy, but he quickly moves — well, as quickly as he can — to settle on a nearby rock just barely jutting out from the ground. The other man's expression when he understands what's actually happened is briefly amusing enough to distract him from anything else.

He remembers that dream he had when all of this happened to begin with. He remembers feeling helpless and powerless, that deep well of grief at knowing he could do so much, he's capable of so much, except holding back death. And then he'd woken, knowing he had an ability beyond anything he could have imagined.

When he's questioned, he can feel the weight of his lie, the obvious that something this powerful couldn't possibly come without a cost of some kind. He could, he assumes, bring someone back from the edge of death, but it would take his own life. He understands that, he just doesn't want anyone else knowing how deep it goes if he can help it. ]

Time was, I would have considered anything like this ability to be absolute rubbish, like magic — something that couldn't be quantified, measured, easily defined. But it's — quite real, yes, and I'm glad for it.

[ Even if he now needs to be careful in moving for a bit. He'll wait until Billy's left, when he can hobble along somewhere to rest for a little while. ]

[ It seems like the Doctor will have to sit there for a little while longer, since Billy doesn't look like he's about to leave just yet. He does have a weird feeling about the other having helped him with something so big. Even if Billy doesn't know about the drawback the other is experiencing, it still feels like he's in depth to the Doctor a bit now - at least enough to sit here and speak to him, rather than just leaving now and ignoring him. ]

It is strange that magic seems to be real here. [ He will agree with the other on that much. Billy wouldn't have believed one part of this either years ago - before he got stuck in the cold with a bear that couldn't be explained through any natural means. ] But it is hard to deny when it has given us these powers. It's almost as if something here wants us to survive.

Almost as if. [ He's quick to agree. It seems like a contradiction to him, though. He remembers arriving, the Darkwalker in his head, words of malice, not wanting them here. Though it seems that's no more in control for the creature than it is for them. Any of them. ]

Something wants us to survive, something else here would prefer us not to, and here we are in the middle of it as though it were a feud between two ancient, unseen opposing forces.

[ As ever, he enjoys chatter and it takes his mind off the building pain. Besides, he's always curious and more interested in the people around him. ]

Were you granted any ability of your own?

[ He hopes, at least. That he has some additional measure of protection. ]

[ Billy nods, not wanting to lie about his own power in the face the other actually having helped him here.

.. besides, he's pretty sure enough people in town already know about this anyway. ]

Yes, I.. [ Billy seems to hesitate for a moment, filling up the empty air where he's thinking by testing out his ankle a little again. ] How much have you been told about the other abilities in this place?

[ It might help him in figuring out how to approach talking about this exactly. ]

Edited 2024-10-29 13:23 (UTC)

I'm aware of other abilities, particularly recently I've learned of those capable of turning into wolves. A few others have an ability like mine, and...something else entirely.

[ He doesn't feel it's some big thing to hide, unusual as it is that this is possible at all, but he knows a few who don't want it shared aloud so he stops short of naming names. Which is something he has to consciously be aware of, as he rambles loosely and too freely at times. ]

And the mechanism is known, of course. Now we've all — or most of us — grown accustomed to this being possible, we can...manage better when it happens, but I would imagine the first time anyone awoke with these abilities, that must have been disconcerting to say the least.

[ Hm. So he isn't entirely sure whether the Doctor has or hasn't heard of his specific kind. Not that it really matters, since enough people know he has this power that Billy feels like trying to keep it secret at this point would be a fool's errand anyway. ]

The first time I found out about the ability this place gave me, I did have that sort of reaction. [ He admits.

Very much so, by the way! Finding out you can accidentally set things on fire due to your own anxiety is not a fun experience, especially when that panic just leads to further fire.. ]

I don't know if you have heard of this ability as well, but I can start fires. Without using anything to do so, I mean.

[ He hadn't yet, but that makes him all the more intrigued, and all the more distracted, which he very much appreciates. ]

I had the benefit of arriving later enough that I was at least aware of these...abilities. Enough not to be alarmed when it happened to me. But you — starting fires, well, one would think it handy in a place like this, but it would be quite the opposite of comforting the first time, I expect. Can you control it? Just think of it and there's a fire when you need it most?

Mostly.

[ It's the truth, though a little more vague than Billy could be here. It's not really thinking of it that does the trick, after all, but explaining his actual method of conjuring flame involves getting a little vulnerable.

And though he does trust the Doctor to some degree, he's still a guarded man. It still feels like something that's a little bit too much to share with most people. ]

It took a long time to get to that point though. If don't hone these powers, they could start working against us much more easily than they could work for us. [ In his experience, anyway - and he seems genuinely worried about the idea, judging by the way his eyebrows draw together into a frown.

You get pretty worried about your power when it constantly randomly set stuff on fire for a few weeks, okay. Not a fun time! ]

And you don't exactly have a here's how you use this power school here. None of us do. Though admittedly the ability to create a fire runs a greater risk of going awry than healing, or being impervious to the cold.

[ Perhaps not the most reassuring, which he clues into once he's said it, so he pivots a little. ]

Does it hurt you at all when it happens, or...drain you, tire you out?

[ Unconsciously and more out of instinct, he rubs at his ankle a bit, the one that now aches. ]

[ Billy shakes his head. His lips part slightly, like he's about to elaborate on that answer, considering he knows a whole lot about the drawbacks of his own ability..

.. but it's at that exact moment that something strikes him. It's the way the other rubs his ankle. It could just be a complete coincidence, but Billy's brains - smarter than most people give them credit for - sure are making a connection here. A connection that surprises him, widening his eyes slightly as he's sitting there. ]

Is that what it does to you?

[ God, of course it would, wouldn't it. Like this place would give anyone the ability to heal without taking something in return for it. It is never that kind and helpful. ]

Did healing my ankle injure yours?

[ Ugh, yes, the unavoidable truth that he hates admitting to. He's not used to being injured in a way that slows him down for a length of time. Even beyond this world, he's not infallible, he can be hurt and killed, but injuries tend to heal quickly. He can — and has — fallen from great heights only to jump back up, dust off, and carry on like such a thing was just an inconvenience and nothing more.

So he's quick to wave it off because he wants it to be as insignificant as it should be. ]

Is injure the word we're using?

[ That's exactly the correct word. That's precisely what it's done. Is he going to be normal about this, though? Not a chance. Anything to avoid directly answering the question, even if said answer is obvious. ]

[ Billy's tone turns kind of dry as he asks: ]

What other word would you prefer to use?

[ Because he's pretty sure he's right about that one. He wouldn't be pulling out that dry tone to deadpan at the Doctor unless he seriously thought he was right about this one!

Besides, that question definitely feels like the Doctor is trying to be slippery about this. And considering who Billy is married to, he's very much used to people trying to be slippery - and to keep them from being successful in their attempt. Sorry, but you're not getting away with this so easily, apparently.. ]

[ A simple, you're right from the Doctor would suffice here. He could stop being stubborn and stupid about it and say that helping and healing someone else hurts him and drains him. But this ability — as strange and unnatural as it is to have it at all — affords him the chance to truly help here. Admitting that he needs to be cautious in how he uses it if someone were to be badly injured doesn't compute with his brain.

For the Doctor, at least, he's already thought back and ahead; when the Darkwalker took hold of their minds and they turned on each other, when people were hurt or killed. He's desperately hopeful that such a situation never comes to pass again, but if it did, he would heal everyone he could. But how long could he go for? Would he be forced to make impossible choices? He wants this to be the gift this is, the chance to keep people from dying. But. ]

It's simply — caused a slight inconvenience. A bit of a cramp, really, just something to work out with stretching. You're sorted, and I will be.

[ See? Logic. Simple. It's fine! ]

[ The other's answer confirms that Billy was very much right in what he was thinking a moment ago, thank you very much. And as much as he likes being proven right, it doesn't feel entirely great in this moment. Like there's some sort of bad aftertaste to this whole thing.

Billy doesn't even fully understand why. He should be glad. He got healed, and he didn't have to do anything for it. His injury is gone, and someone else is stuck with the trouble. He should leave them to that, if the Doctor insists on doing this much.

But he's so unused to charity that he doesn't know what to do with it when it's staring him in the face like this. It's easy to screw over people whom you feel have screwed you over too.

It's harder when it's someone doing something nice, Billy only now finds. ]

I don't understand you. [ He says - plainly, but there's something about his tone that makes him sound like he's thinking. ] How could you care so little about yourself?

I care! I do, I just — care on a spectrum, I suppose. I'm here, I've always been here, I'll continue being here and that's all well and good, but you being here is the sort of being here that I care most about ensuring. Well, you and everyone else.

[ Truthfully, it's not something he's thought about much before. So Billy saying it at all gives him pause, but — he is reckless, he's hasty and generally unconcerned with stopping and thinking before he acts. He enjoys being alive, of course, and he wants to be alive as long as he can, but he'd accepted long ago that keeping everyone around him safe first and foremost is his priority. His own well-being falls somewhere on the end of that spectrum.

He lets out a little sigh, trying to summarize his own rambling. ]

I want you to be okay.

[ It's still baffling. Or-- rather, the entire explanation feels like it's only making things even more baffling. ]

I have seen people devour each other just to survive.

[ Maybe not 'seen' as much as heard about it happening to him, but-- same deal. It's his explanation for how baffling it is. ]

I thought that was the way people are. That someone like you can't exist.

Edited 2025-02-09 18:15 (UTC)

[ While the notion of humans (or any species) eating one another isn't a new concept to him, he's at least encountered that sort of behavior less than others. Which is to say, he's seen so much violence and death and destruction, often for petty reasons, or reasons that would be so easy to overcome if everyone could just stop and think and listen.

But war and death and hurting one another, it goes on and on. He does what he can to stop it, to intervene; and more than he'd ever want, sometimes that blood is on his own hands, but he has to try, to do what he can, whenever he can.

Sometimes it's only small moments like this one, like helping someone who was hurt. ]

Oh, don't give me too much credit. I only exist with any of these sorts of thoughts at all because of others, so many others — so good and kind and brave. And I learned from them, I'm always learning from them.

[ Billy speaks of those who devour others, and even still, the Doctor thinks of the darkness within himself. What good was he in that long and dreadful war? It's always with him, always tucked away, never gone. Today, Billy hurt his ankle and the Doctor could be a Doctor, and that means something to him. ]

I've seen it, so much good — it's here, too, it's all around.

.. you and I see very different worlds.

[ It's a fact he can't really file away all that neatly. The only solution in Billy's mind is to see the other as needlessly naive - dangerously naive, even, when it comes to how it might contribute to the Doctor's own safety. Billy just can't see the way he views the world as anything other than objective.

Which means that someone who doesn't see danger and ill intentions everywhere, the way someone as guarded and worried as Billy does, must be wrong from his point of view.

But--

He looks down at his ankle.

That's the part that he can't combine with that, all the same. ]

Though I.. [ A pause. It's uneasy, like he isn't used to saying this, or admitting this. ] I suppose you showed me something like it today.

[ What else could he call the other helping him so selflessly? Even at the cost of his own body, his own pain? ]

[ Perhaps because he's seen so much of the opposite of goodness, he clings so hard to believing in the persistence of it, the glimmer of hope wherever it may be found. And he'll do everything he can to be the one to help, not to harm.

He'd spent so long trapped in his own misery and darkness, he's turned in the opposite direction now. ]

The universe is vast and complicated, and so are all the people and creatures in it. I don't...not see the bad and the terrible, I only just — well, I want to make it better. If I do it long enough, with a little help, maybe everyone could see what you saw. Not only see it, but be it.

open | every life is a pile of good things and bad things;

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so sorry for these delayed tags!

it's okay! thank you for getting back to them! <3

absolutely! <3

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cw: semi-indirect mentions of cannibalism

cw: cont. (to be safe)

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