singillatim | a late summer catchall

[ Who is he really? It'd be a lie to say he'd never asked himself that. Over and over when he was afraid of losing sight of who he really is in the face of convincing lies and roles. Makoto can feel Billy's gaze prickling his skin. Why was it easier to look at people when you were lying to them? When there was some sort of plan it was simpler task to avoid the discomfort of bared honesty.

The only concession he makes is forcing himself to look the other in the eyes even when he doesn't want to. It's so direct, too direct. There's conviction in his frown, in the sincerity of his voice stuck in his throat. ]

I want you to know, I've never lied to you. About my name, or anything else about me. I just... [ His face scrunches up but he relaxes it with a deep breath. His gaze slips away again, but he doesn't turn his face away. Billy is clearly asking for more than his name. ]

Look, I've made mistakes in my life. Lots of them, actually. I was a dumb kid, going nowhere in life. Eventually I got caught up with an international group of con artists. We targeted criminals, bad guys, and never actually killed anyone. Not that it made what we did right.

But coming here, as scary as it can be sometimes-- in a sense, it's been a fresh start for me. I've never really had that, you know? A place where I could start again. Where no one could judge me for the stuff I did when I was young, my record, or for what that man did.

[ Yes, the reference to that man is once again said with the bitter hatred he clearly reserves for his father. On the heels of his words, Makoto slips to the ground on his knees. He bows his head to ask politely-- ]

Would you mind not telling anyone else about this? I'll still honestly answer any other questions you have.

[ Makoto's initial answer is already kind of interesting to Billy, really. Especially the part of him mentioning that he's never lied to him - including about his name. Combined with everything the other says after - the things he's done, the idea of a fresh start here - it's really hard to not think of a specific other person. Someone who also did a lot of those things. Who would've wanted a fresh start here.

.. who did lie to Billy about his name.

Briefly he can't help but wonder how he keeps running into these people, though he has to admit that Makoto's demeanour is entirely different from Hickey's own. Unless it's a lie, of course. But some parts of it seem too genuine for that, especially the disdain whenever the other talks about his father from that memory.

Billy is quiet, thinking for a moment, but then he says: ]

I won't tell. [ Maybe he'll tell Hickey, considering how much they share, but-- he'll see about that one. ] I don't even particularly care to dig into your past, if you are worried about that.

[ Billy gets that there's sometimes stuff you don't want to share. Even when this place tries to force you to share it in ways like these.

So in return for - what he hopes to be - Makoto's honesty, he offers some of his own. ]

I only want to know if I can trust you. [ That matters so much more to Billy than any detail of the wild story he just saw. ]

[ In Billy's silence, Makoto remains stilled in place, head still bowed and shoulders increasingly scrunching up under the pressure building as every second drags on. Long enough for him to start considering how to handle judgment like that again. Trust.

Billy's agreement melts all other thoughts and tension from him so quickly that he has to catch himself on his hands. With a long sigh of held breath, he pushes himself back up. ]

Thank you.

[ The words come out thickly, eyes on Billy again. There's effort not to look away, but he doesn't bother to stifle the relief. Turning away after, he wipes the cold sweat from his brow as subtly as he can. His tone is back to normal, if a tad more breathless than usual. ]

To be honest, I was a little worried about that. Your trust would've been worth it though, I think.

And if I've learned one thing in my line of work, it's that knowing how to gain a person's trust is one thing, but what you do with it--being worth having it in the first place is what really matters.

[ Makoto gives Billy a smile. It's smaller, less polite and friendly than any from the first day, yet somehow more open. With it, he extends a hand. Foreigners still shook hands back then, he hopes. ]

To trust?

[ There's a part of Billy that still looks hesitant. It doesn't even have to do with Makoto in particular, or with any of what he just saw - it's just that he's got trust issues up the whazoo. Trusting feels vulnerable, like the sort of thing that can lead to your death. But Billy has had some conversations about it here, and past experiences in this place have lead him to learn that he can't deal with this place on his own. And not even with just Cornelius' help either.

So - recognizing the gesture for what it is, thankfully for the other - he does move to grab the other's hand and shake it, hoping he is not making the wrong decision here. ]

I will give you a chance to prove it.

[ .. maybe not entirely 'to trust' then, but.. 'to the possibility of trust', maybe..? Billy does want this to be true, after all. Makoto seems like a decent enough person so far, and the memory he just witnessed doesn't really change all that much about Billy's perception of him, ironically enough. ]

Which-- I'm certain will be applicable in this place at some point. I feel like we got off relatively easily here, but things tend to end much worse here. With much more danger involved.

[ Makoto's other hand joins the first as he shakes Billy's hand. His grip is firmer than one might expect from such a generally unimposing figure, the movement controlled. Though now that Billy has truly glimpsed just how much of a backbone Makoto actually has, maybe it isn't as surprising now as it once might've been. ]

Thank you so much, again. I promise you won't regret this. [ His genuine determination is back, hands still trapping Billy's if he's allowed it to remain captive until Makoto is done getting the words out. ] And I realize it won't be easy, but I'll do my best to earn your trust and respect.

[ The grip loosens after that, falling away. Makoto nods along seriously to the rest of Billy's point. ]

I think so too. I'll be way more careful about accepting tea, no matter how nice the old lady is. It smelled totally normal too. [ A little laugh, as he squats to start examining his neglected catch of the day. ] You know, I'm actually sort of glad it was you that saw that instead of anyone else, Mr. Gibson--

[ Abruptly, he freezes.

The expression he turns back to Billy is stricken at the sudden thought he voices. ] Wait, do you think she saw all of that too? Have you ever seen her around here before?

[ It does feel like a huge contrast - Makoto's attitude combined with the actions he saw the other undertake back in that memory. Is it really possible for someone to seem like such a good person while having done things like those? That's the part that feels difficult to trust, but.. just like he did say, he will at least give Makoto a chance.

After all, if Makoto's attitude does turn out genuine, then.. he's a good person who actually seems to carry goodwill towards Billy (I'm actually sort of glad that it was you instead of anyone else, not really the sort of thing he often hears--), and that's rare. He wouldn't want to lose that. ]

No. [ He shifts his thought towards the other's question, eyebrows shifting into a frown as he considers it. ] With the way she disappeared.. I assume she may not even be human.

[ It wouldn't be the first illusion Billy has witnessed in this place, after all. ]

Just a trick this place was playing on us once more, likely. [ He doesn't sound too happy about the idea, but then again - at least he wasn't the victim of it this time. All it's done is teach him a little bit more about Makoto, and with how nosy Billy can be, he wouldn't say that's a bad thing in the slightest. ] Though I am not entirely sure why they would want to force you to show your memories to someone else like that. There must be some intention behind it.

Yeah... Maybe you're right. It's weird, she didn't even steal anything either.

[ He says it as he pats at his pockets. While looking around, his hand slides casually over the knife and the handgun at his belt. Usually obscured beneath his puffy coat, he doesn't hide their existence from Billy. Easily glimpsed, but he isn't flaunting them either.

Makoto frowns after that, but it's the thoughtful kind as he crosses his arms. ]

... But the only intention that makes any sense to me is that she was trying to make it harder to build any trust. It feels like they want to make it harder for us to work together. If that's the case, you really have to wonder what's next?

[ A sigh, his head falling forward. ]

This place really likes getting under our skin, doesn't it?

It has already tried to turn us against one another before. [ He can't help but point out.

.. mostly because that awful, awful June is still on his mind. It had been terrible to go through, but - the aftermath, the town meeting, that part had almost been worse. It's definitely the worst thing Billy had to deal with ever since showing up in this place half a year ago, and it shows in his facial expression. It's clear the event he's talking about bothers him even now. ]

I imagine they might have accomplished as much, were it have been a complete stranger who saw your memory. [ It sure doesn't paint a great picture of Makoto, after all! Especially when you contrast the content of that memory against the way he usually acts - it'd be easy for someone to assume he was lying, Billy thinks. ] I imagine this is not something you have told any other person in town about.

[ Not the sort of thing you tell someone casually!! ]

Yeah, you're right. At least this time I didn't get punched.

[ It's almost a grumble, but there's no heat in it. And certainly none meant for Billy. The memory of the burn from his previously broken nose and bruises blooms where the blood had pooled and swollen him up for a while. It has him absently rubbing at his face.

Makoto blinks over at Billy with that question, his blurted response quicker than his usual careful choice of words. Higher pitched too. Today has been a lot. ]

No way.

[ Clearing his throat, arms returning to being crossed, he sounds more polite again. The frown returns along with his serious tone. ]

I mean, no, I haven't. I don't plan on it either, but I guess we don't really have much control over that. I'll just have to prove myself before anything like this happens again. What else can I do?

[ It looks like Billy is thinking for a moment - especially in the light of Makoto's quick, clearly instinctive reaction. His eyebrows are drawn together into a frown, but then he slowly says: ]

No, I-- I think you are right to not plan on doing so.

[ Honestly, he wouldn't even blame Makoto for kind of freaking out at the very idea of it. ]

People in this place truly don't look favourably upon other people's past. [ Now that's something Billy has learned real quick. Make sure to sweep everything under the rug forever. ] They will make exceptions for those they like, but harshly judge those they don't. If you want to protect yourself against their judgement and its possible consequences, I imagine the best thing you could do is ensure that people with influence in this place consider you among the people they like.

[ Dang. It's pretty elaborate, isn't it. Like Billy has been thinking about this stuff for a really long time now, and seemingly likes Makoto enough to share these thoughts with him, even though Billy might not tell most people this. ]

Yeah, I've noticed. It's really a shame, but it's kind of hard to blame anyone for it in a place like this.

[ Makoto agrees, having learned that lesson well before showing up here. Admitting to being an ex con was only good at landing you a job in organized crime. His sentence ends with a soft sigh that resembles defeat. Some things never change.

But a plan is a plan, and Makoto is clearly used to them. His gaze settles on Billy again. ]

So, who do you think has the most influence then?

[ Because Billy has been here longer, and Makoto is under no illusion that Billy isn't observant. ]

Edited (when you change a sentence but forget to change the a to an) 2024-09-27 17:42 (UTC)

[ Makoto's assessment is so on point there, really. Billy may be incredibly quiet and easily blends in with the background, but part of that is also purposeful so his little ears can pick up on so many things that other people might not easily say..

So of course he's been studying the spheres of influence in this place. Maybe not always as clearly as he'd like, considering he had been very much distracted by a personal matter during the last town meeting, but he's picked up some stuff here and there, where he could. ]

There does not seem to be much influence established through power or strength in this place. [ He first points out. There's not much hesitation before he speaks up, betraying the fact that he doesn't mind sharing this information with Makoto, despite keeping it closer to his chest around some other people.

But Makoto-- He's been alright so far. Billy would like him to remain in this place. And giving him this information is one way of giving Makoto ammo in case he needs to establish or protect himself better here. ] Even though some of us have been given special abilities, it does not seem to change much about the dynamics of influence here.

[ He could know, considering just how deadly his own ability is. And he knows he's not the only one who has it. ]

Instead it seems to be entirely decided through how many people care for you. Have you met that young girl-- I believe her name is Kate Marsh? Cornelius had a negative interaction with her before, and someone attempted to beat him up over it. Even though he hadn't even hurt her. [ Which is saying a lot to Billy about how influence really works in this place.

Sorry for the ramble, Makoto. This is exactly the sort of stuff Billy thinks about a lot. ]

[ With his arms crossed and expression openly contemplative, Makoto absorbs everything Billy says. Nods mark his engagement while he quietly bites at the inside of his cheek. This thoughtful side is as genuine as his friendliness, and Billy has seen the worst of him now. All things considered, it could be worse. ]

No, I haven't. I think I know who she is though... [ A plan to pretend to be her friend just for survival filters past intrusively. Makoto ignores it, looking away. ] At least it sounds like there's still enough reasonable people around here. Otherwise, I bet Cornelius would've actually been beaten to a pulp. Or worse.

[ Another pause, thoughtful again. This time with a frown. ]

But if it's not about abilities or power, that means influence can't really be bought or forced in the same way. But on the other hand... it's not really a fair system either, is it?

[ In for a penny, in for a pound, there's little point in hiding much now. With a click of his tongue, Makoto lets the touched nerve operate his mouth for a while. He hasn't been able to vent to anyone in so long time that he rambles like the release of a old, deep knot of muscle-- also yes, that accent sure gets more pronounced. ]

It just reminds me--you ever notice how, when things get bad, people stop caring about right and wrong? They just pick sides. If enough people care about you, you get protected. If they don’t, then… [ Makoto gestures vaguely. ] Like a damn popularity contest where people that don't have anyone-- they're screwed.

[ This sigh is so deflating that Makoto's head drops with it. When he raises it again, what greets Billy are tired eyes and a playful enough smirk. ]

Guess that means I should start making more friends, huh?

[ It's hard to tell if he is being serious about that or not with his flat tone. ]

[ooc: HI HELLO. sorry. again. hiatus election holidays wombo combo, feel free to ignore this if you'd rather not because it's so old. i dont think it's a bad spot to cap it off soon though? I'll get to the other thread too unless you'd rather not. (BUT THAT WAS AN IMPORTANT CONVO TOO SO I'D HUMBLY ASK THAT WE HASH IT OUT IF YOU'D RATHER NOT FINISH TAGGING IT OUT.)

also side note from the future: Makoto would like to share his fancy holiday boar coffee with billy and hickey]

[ If Billy cares at all that Makoto is rambling to him here, he sure isn't showing signs of it. He listens the entire time the other is speaking, no matter how long it goes on for. It is a little hard to tell exactly what he's thinking, but it's just because Billy is so used to keeping on a polite neutral expression by default.. It's part of his job...

But it also means he doesn't look annoyed. He doesn't interrupt.

(Mostly because he agrees with everything the other is saying, really. If anything - Billy thinks - Makoto seems to understand all of this better than most.) ]

People never care about right or wrong. [ He says, once he's sure the other is finished for the moment.

It's pretty frank by Billy standards. It's not something he'd say unless he was sure Makoto understood - given that he knows how much others might judge him for saying this, but he doesn't think Makoto will. They both understand how the world works, one way or another. ] They only pretend to.

[ That's why their true natures end up being visible whenever things get bad the way Makoto describes.

There's a slight pause from Billy, and then he adds, perhaps in the face of that very last thing Makoto said-- ]

Will you be alright in this place?

[ Especially knowing what Billy knows now about the other... ]

a late summer catchall

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no worries about the lateness, and getting back to the other thread is also fine! <3