singillatim | Be always on the watch, and pray that you may be able to escape all that is about to happen

"I prefer you where I can see you," he says easily enough, the banter rolling off of his tongue before he realizes exactly what it could imply.

Then he clears his throat and goes back to cutting the meat thinner.

"You can see as much of me as you like, as often as you like," he tosses back without missing a beat, too quickly to have parsed any other implications in his own words, or Thomas', but it will absolutely occur to him with only a slight delay.

He will just — concentrate perhaps more than needed, on stirring this pot with due diligence and utmost care. Important work! "Can't be too prepared," he notes idly. "Not here, of all places."

He nods, also choosing to skirt past it. "We didn't have this time to prepare last year," he mutters. "I came in just before winter and simply existed for as long as I could." He tucks his hair behind his ear, leaving a streak of blue berry juice along his forehead.

He wonders for a moment what that would have been like, had he arrived closer to Thomas then. They would have been strangers, yes, but that wouldn't have stopped him trying to help when he'd been so ill.

"Well — a perfectly solid plan for this winter." Though he would expect nothing less from him. He turns to glance over his shoulder and smile at him. "Of course you would have, though." His eyes narrow just a moment as he sees it in the dim light, that streak of juice. "Oh, you have something —" He starts to explain before just reaching out to swipe it off with his thumb, then threading the fingers of his other hand through the rest of his hair briefly before smiling, "Better."

He stills, letting that hand touch him briefly, and then he's reaching out to hold him, to embrace him, to pull him in and kiss him.

"I will care for you, for Wynonna, for everyone I can," he promises. "I will get us through this winter, come hell or Darkwalker."

"Funny that, I was thinking the same thing," he smiles softly, embracing him in return. Not just believing in Thomas getting everyone through the winter, but from the Doctor's own perspective, intending to see him and everyone else through it in return.

Thomas is steps ahead of him in this, though — preparing as he is. Which only makes the Doctor eager to learn how he does it, what he does. He understands the science of it all, he's simply never had to do it before and he fully intends to be useful.

"I need to test something, though," he decides, kissing Thomas again without completely explaining what exactly he's testing.

He subconsciously moves them closer to the stove, to the warmth of the fire, to make the kiss less of a shock to the system, but otherwise is simply enjoying here what he can get.

"What exactly are you testing, sir?" he mutters, unwilling to pull away just yet.

"There are — a few different ways to prepare, you know, fortifying for winter as it were. The obvious, like what you've already planned, plus gathering firewood and the like. Practicalities. But there are more than just tangible things," he reasons out, kissing him again. As they move closer to the stove, he idly thinks how very Thomas-like it is, caring for him yet again.

"I never would have thought of it before. This, I mean," and one more kiss to demonstrate. "I didn't understand it all before, not completely, how important it really could be. But every time we...well, it's a fortification all its own. Deeper. Where we can't see." There is so much strength he takes from this connection that continues to grow between them.

"What do you mean?" he mutters, pulling back though not completely away. He keeps an arm around him, wanting him close. But this seems important, this seems - some sort of revelation. He wants to ensure that he's paying attention, no matter how distracted he is by the thought of kissing him again.

"What do you understand now?"

"Of course you'd ask that," it's said with a fond laugh under his breath. Which means he owes him an answer, an actual answer that isn't one thought and then another thought, with no bridge between them.

"I was going to just keep kissing you," he tries to tease first. Like he's warming up to it. He's not running from the topic entirely, though, at least. He means to answer him.

"Ah, well, don't let me stop you from it," he says and leans in close, ensuring the fire is warm, one arm draped around his shoulders.

There, that's better. Just a moment more. As he loops an arm around his waist and kisses him again, he pulls back with a smile.

"It's that, to start. This kissing business, which is a personal favorite, which hasn't been true for me in a very long time. But what I meant before is that — well, people have each other. Some people do, that is, and I haven't. But when we're together like this, I do, I have you, and I feel...stronger for it and better and happier."

Thomas is not an object, not a possession, nothing of the sort, but he's begun to think of Thomas as his, and that's not something he generally allows himself to feel, or...has been able to feel. But — here they are now.

"You do have me," he assures him. "For as long as we can have each other." It feels so strange, so odd, to admit any of that aloud. It's just foreign to him because Thomas is not someone who gets to have anything he wants.

The Doctor has been showing him, little by little, day by day, that this is patently untrue. He can have things. He can have what he wants.

He takes his hand and kisses his fingers.

For as long as we can.

This is the part that's always done him in. He can get close (not often) to the edge of this unseen line, where he knows if he goes a step further, it's too late to stop the tide of emotion. Because he knows himself, his own hearts, how deeply and truly he loves when he lets himself. But "as long as we can" is all that anyone really has, except the one who runs from it every time he has to face it.

Thomas has shown him the value in so much he's pulled away from until now, in fully embracing all that comes with life and not just closing off to stop some inevitable pain. Because then he loses so much more.

He squeezes his hand, letting out a breath he's apparently been holding. "I haven't ever really known how that could feel." The times he's come closest, they were already gone and time was running out, in the wrong direction. Here — all the time that any of them have is a second chance. And he's still too hopeful to sink into the depths for long. He's just on the edge of making a cheerful remark about going back to the important business of stirring the boiling water, but — this is a new path to tread, and Thomas means too much.

He nods. He knows that these affairs of the soul and the heart are difficult for him. He's had loss so many times that not even Thomas can fathom it. He can hear it in his voice, in his words, and all he wants to do is be that exception for him. He wants to give him every single second that he has so that he can truly know -

Thomas stops himself there.

What is it that he really wants the Doctor to know? He cares for him? Sure. A lot of people do. That he wants him? Yes, that much is obvious. But Thomas knows there is something else left very, very unsaid.

"I - love you," he tells him all in a rush, very sudden.

"Thomas." There's only a half beat pause for a moment between the words before he fumbles, "Do you —"

Does he...what? What does he want to say? So much. No second of time spent with anyone at all is ever taken for granted by him, but especially with Thomas, especially this, and this is so important, so — big, suddenly. As if the room can't contain it all, as if his hearts aren't big enough for all that he feels now. He feels so much happiness from just those words, the most tender and fondest of smiles on his face.

The words are harder for him to say, even though he feels it, too, but he's only ever loved at a distance. Never this close. He takes Thomas' hand and kisses his palm before guiding that hand to rest over one of his hearts. "Do you know — what I feel for you? How important you are?"

That he feels the same?

Thomas isn't afraid of rejection as he says this. He still walks with a little trepidation because he has to, but he's learned the Doctor's words don't always match up with his intentions, and he doesn't try to seek meaning in the nonsense that he says. Not unless he's willing to contextualize things through another lens.

So the Doctor stutters and doesn't respond save to touch him, to stumble over his words, and Thomas is content.

"I believe so, sir. But it would be better if you said it yourself." He knows it's hard, but he believes he's owed this.

"It would be," he agrees.

Ah, yes, brilliant, Doctor. Very reassuring and affirming. Objectively, it almost occurs to him how ridiculous it is, that such an important thing can be felt, and yet he can't muster the bravery to say it. How absurd is that? Of all the terrors in the universe he could easily face, and this is what makes him want to run. If Thomas can say it, though, after all he's gone through, if he can be here now and he can feel this with him, out of everyone, then the Doctor can get out of his own way.

Right, yes, okay — "And I — I do, Thomas." His hesitation isn't because it's some great pain, something arduous to admit, something he doesn't want to say. It's all very much the opposite. It is the most important thing, and he has come so close before, only for it to be snatched away. He's so terribly afraid that will happen now. Now he's said it, he's going to lose this somehow. "I...love you."

He ducks his head for a moment. Of course he'll lose this — he knows Thomas' fate, but he's so alive here, he needs him to be, and he clings tightly to his hand, like somehow that will be enough to stop anything taking him away. It flusters him to think of that, so he's quick to say, "So you better not get any ideas of going anywhere at all far from me, Thomas Jopson."

He waits. He waits because he knows that look on the other's face. He waits because he knows that it takes him a moment to gather himself, to say what he truly wants to say.

He waits because he knows him. Because he loves him in this place of fear and scarcity.

"I'm not going anywhere, sir. Except right here with you, just across the lake."

And he pulls him close again to kiss him, feeling like that might say more.

It does say more, it says everything, like the perfect bridge between words and the bigger emotions that are sometimes difficult (at least for him) to properly convey. As they kiss, for a moment one of his hands comes to rest against Thomas' cheek, winding just a bit through his hair.

The Doctor doesn't dwell on fears and worries, he couldn't or it would have paralyzed him long ago. But it's still ever present in the back of his mind — dormant most of the time — that there is a creature here that can harm them all, that's killed and done considerable damage already, and that Thomas has been hurt here before. For just a moment, he deepens that kiss as the thought is given life. Just as quickly, though, he quietly asserts his commitment to keeping him safe, that protectiveness in him as fierce as ever.

He kisses him until he's out of breath, until everything is a little too dizzy, until everything in the kitchen just seems a little much.

"Thank you," he mutters, sliding his hands along the Doctor's arms, squeezing them gently. "I won't leave Wynonna, but - I'd like to spend more time with you."

He holds onto Thomas' hand for a moment in return before letting go, smiling softly. "If I have you, then you have me, which means — yes, absolutely yes to that." He also realizes in saying that suddenly, he doesn't know all that entails but only that spending time with Thomas — more time — is something he very much wants.

He does imagine — so many things, though. Taking care of him, being near him, enjoying every moment, and this...this closeness. More of that. It's not something he'd ever thought of before. In a moment, the rest of his brain will catch up and he'll remember to mention his time spent with Wynonna recently.

He reaches out for him again to kiss him, marveling at the fact that he can. What they've said to each other, what they've promised, it all seems so significant.

"I don't know what this means for us in the future," he mutters. "But I know that it means we're together."

"I don't know, either," he's quick to agree, only a moment after enjoying that kiss. "I don't — well, I don't look to the future, I just travel there sometimes. And I know what I feel right now, in this moment. With you."

He certainly has no better idea what it means for them a week or a month from now, but not only is it significant that they've shared these sentiments between the pair of them, it's significant that he's still standing here. He hasn't run. He wants this, wants Thomas.

"But — yes. Together." He reaches out suddenly, brushing some of Thomas' hair back from his eyes. "You're happy?"

"Very," he assures him, smiling at the gentle gesture of him tucking his hair behind his ear. "But do you know what would make me happier?" he wonders, reaching up to drape fingers over the Doctor's arm.

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