singillatim | deep in December, it's nice to remember

[ It's her turn to snort, rolling her eyes back up to the ceiling. ]

Please.

[ They've been over this— ]

It was at the party, everybody was all dressed up. He was probably just being nice. Isn't that the kind of thing you guys are supposed to say to women you know?

Think what you wish, Miss Earp, but Edward is not the sort of man who resorts to flattery to get his way.

[He pushes himself up.]

I have never complimented your countenance.

Yeah, and why not? I have a great face. 'Radiant as the morning sun;' that's a direct quote.

[ It's easier to complain, looking up at him, than it is to think he might be right. She scoffs slightly at the idea that Little has ever tried to get his way in anything, or with even a hint of manipulation. ]

I don't know. He said a few things like that.

And he asked me to dance.

[ Which, okay, even she knows that's a big one for him. He'd told her himself he hadn't danced with anybody before. But what exactly is she supposed to think about it? ]

Edited 2025-01-09 15:17 (UTC)

You are not making a very good case of it. [He turns over and stares up at the ceiling.]

In fact, you are proving my point rather well.

[ She opens her mouth to argue, but snaps it closed again as another memory flickers: Edward, giving her that small, sad smile as the invisible walls between them built back up. A man would be fortunate to be so close with you, Miss Earp.

Her whole face crumples like she'd just slammed her elbow into a corner, and she covers her eyes with her palm with a groan, annoyed and embarrassed and horrified all at once. ]

Oh, god.

[He looks over so quickly that he gets a little dizzy.]

Wynonna? What - what did I say?

[ She rubs both hands over her face as that whole night plays itself out again in her head, this time from just a slightly different angle. ]

I think you might be right.

[He moves closer to her.]

And what are your thoughts on the matter?

[ She lifts her hands from her face and rolls her head to look over at him, mouth pressed into a wry line. ]

That it doesn't matter, because I managed to fuck it up in record time anyway. He couldn't wait to get away.

[Thomas raises up on his elbow.]

And what, exactly, do you feel you - fucked up? Edward is keen to leave most situations he feels uncomfortable, and Edward feels uncomfortable in most situations.

Aw, you said 'fuck.' Proud of you.

[ She makes a loose fist and lazily chucks his shoulder with it, then lets her hand and arm flop to the bedspread. ]

I don't know! I thought we were having a nice time. We were dancing, and talking, and all of a sudden he got weird as hell and said something about not wanting to take up any more of my time.

[He groans.]

It is a word that I use, Wynonna.

Though it seems the Doctor doesn't feel the same way about certain threats you made. [He grins, but he doesn't delve into it. He's still trying to reassure her.]

Without assuming Edward's thoughts as my own, if I tell you plainly that it is not a fault of you but a fault of him - would that alleviate your anxieties?

[ She flips a hand, blithe, waving any thought of worrying about the Doctor right now away. ]

The Doctor and I have an understanding.

[ Eh... enough of one, anyway. She glances at Thomas at his question, then looks back at the ceiling, folding her hands on her stomach, and doesn't answer. ]

It's fine. It's better this way. Really.

[ A quick flicker of a glance at him, sidelong, before she looks up once more. ]

But it was really nice, for a little while.

It is not better this way.

You deserve more than that, Wynonna. You are - too good to not.

[ She snorts, skeptical. ]

If we're talking about what I deserve, then right now I should be in Puerto Vallarta partying with half a dozen impressionable, scantily clad twenty-somethings. Or Jason Momoa.

[ She waves a loose hand just after that. ]

Don't worry about it. I can't explain Jason Momoa to you in any way that'll make sense.

[ All of which is easier to think about than what she might deserve, aside from an eternity hanging out with the same revs she sent down under, or how it felt when Edward spread his hand gently over her back. ]

Fine. You're right.

It sucks.

[He desperately wants to know about Jason Momoa now. That's a conversation for later.]

It does - suck.

But the truth is always better than ignorance.

I don't know about that. There are plenty of things I wish I didn't know after I found out about them.

[ Is this one of them? Maybe. She can't see how it improves anything. ]

Don't worry about it, Tommy. You know me: I'm always fine.

[ It comes out before she remembers saying the same thing to Little, months ago. You always survive, but you aren't fine, he'd told her.

She should never have let herself get this close. Another mistake in a lifetime full of them. ]

[Thomas groans.]

You are not 'fine,' Wynonna. You are alive and you are here and you are breathing and you have friends, but you are not fine. You don't need to be fine. I have everything I have ever wanted, but I am not fine. So do not lie to yourself and do not lie to me.

I don't —

[ This is all so complicated and it's exactly why she avoids shit like this, why everything is so much easier with someone like March, who expects nothing and who gets what they have without her having to spell it out. And maybe there's an extra level of safety with him, when they both know how broken the other one is. ]

I don't lie to you.

[ Is it lying to just... not look at the things that have been swirling around in her head and chest? Little. Willa. Daddy. Coming here to find Thomas slumped on the ground, red pooling from his side. Kate's broken heart. A whole year without Waverly, after she'd promised not to leave again.

It's a magic trick. If she starts to look too closely, the whole fragile illusion will fall apart. ]

You're better at this stuff than I am.

[He accepts that with a gentle nod, a small indication that he understands, even if he doesn't agree with it.]

I am not better at it. We have lived different lives, different experiences. There are aspects of living that elude me, but that you seem to understand.

Well, it sure as hell seems like you know what you're doing.

[ She rolls her eyes at him, but it's affectionate. ]

Oh yeah, like what?

I mean you are confident and strong and brave above all else. Loyal to your people. Qualities I admire greatly.

[And now it's his turn to be a little mushy, but he turns and watches her genuinely.]

If you're trying to make me think you're not all those things, you're gonna have to get me a lot drunker than I am.

[ And even then it probably wouldn't work, honestly. ]

I don't think that about me. I try, but I never quite succeed.

[He rolls over to face her again.]

[ Wynonna reaches awkwardly to grab the blanket and tugs it up over both of them, flipping onto her side to pillow her head on her bent arm as she blinks blearily over at him. ]

Then I guess we both see things in each other we can't see in ourselves. Look, can you make fun of me about Little tomorrow? I'm sleepy.

deep in December, it's nice to remember

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