singillatim | (closed) february catch-all;

[ Hm. Billy isn't too sure how to feel about that one. Sure, it feels like a good thing that he isn't talking about it - maybe it means the other man put it out of his mind after all - but at the same time he's very well aware that Hickey being quiet about stuff isn't always a good thing either..

He shoves the thought back for now, instead focusing on what else Chloe brings up. ]

The dreams, yes. I know what you mean. [ He knows that people had different ones that time. His own had been different. But Chloe's and Hickey's had been the same? ] Did he mention anything in particular about it?

[ It seems like less of a concern, but if Chloe is bringing it up, maybe there's a little bit more to it. ]

I was trying to hunt - it makes you so hungry - but I wasn't very good at it yet. He gave me some of his food.

[Billy may be able to see what this is in a way that Chloe can't because she's still so grateful.]

I asked him about it, and we talked about it a little. How it feels. We had a race. It was pretty fun, he's a scrappy little guy.

[She sighs, looking over at the man walking next to her.]

I think we’re both worried, you know? Supplies are scarce as it is, and that'll only get worse. And then there's people like us, him and me, who need more than the others do. Who knows what’ll happen to us if things get bad? Especially with no one in charge.

[ He's definitely recognizing some stuff here. Billy is observant enough for it. It's easy to figure that Hickey likely shared that food with Chloe to try and get her on his side - probably not realising that Billy was already building some rapport with her. And then there's what she moves on to say-- talking points that could have come right out of the other man's mouth. Hell, he's pretty sure he has literally heard Hickey say some of them before.

For a moment Billy wonders if it's just that Hickey was able to manipulate her so easily, but-- he doesn't think that's it. Knowing Chloe, it's more likely that it's a value she was already sharing with the other man anyway. Maybe that's why Hickey opted to share food in the first place, trying to band together with people with similar thoughts, especially when their situation is a bit of a powder keg with so many of their crew around.

Billy isn't even really quiet as he processes it. Silently observing people is pretty much half of his job back home, so he processes the information quickly enough that it doesn't even seem like he's really been thinking about it in the first place. ]

Having someone in charge wouldn't make that better. Leadership is often.. arbitrary. Fickle. We can't trust anyone here to make the right decisions for us.

[ He speaks about it so seriously, but that's probably nothing out of the ordinary from how Chloe has seen Billy before. Often serious, often withdrawn, though there's a bit of passion in those words, like he fully believes in them.

What Billy doesn't realise, though, is that he's started to subconsciously twist the ring on his finger a little with his other hand while he thinks and talks. ] I am sure Cornelius told you the same thing, but all we can do here is look out for our own.

Yeah. I haven't been through the kinds of things you guys have, but I've seen it before, what can happen in isolation when one guy gives himself power over others. [It's pretty scary how quickly she’d become numb to watching Lazarevic execute his own men for minor infractions. Sometimes when she closes her eyes she can still see what Harry had looked like the last time she’d seen him alive.] What are we gonna do out here, call the cops? They can do anything.

[Doubtlessly something he's heard before, all things considered. Chloe shoots Billy a sidelong glance, curious but not wanting to spook him.]

That's new since the last time we talked, isn't it?

Edited (Wrong pronoun 😔) 2024-02-21 23:26 (UTC)

[ Sorry, Chloe. He startles a little bit anyway - because Billy would have, regardless of the approach. It's not like he's been open about this sort of thing with anyone here, after all. And despite what Hickey told him, it's not like he's had concrete proof of the fact that people are alright with what they are here.

But despite the way he seems to visibly startle a little, immediately dropping the hand with the ring back down to his side, he doesn't attempt to avoid the question itself. ]

.. it is. [ P-Please don't mind him looking more awkward.. He's not sure what to say here, especially when he instinctively wants to shove just about everything here down.

But he has to test the waters at some point, right? Maybe he should test it by being a little indirect about it. Just in case. ]

Cornelius gave it to me.

[ The most neutral wording possible!! 'As a bribe' also totally works here!! ]

[Chloe’s honestly a bit surprised that he came straight at it like that. Obviously, she can't know exactly what it's like but she can imagine what a risk it is to wear it at all, to talk about it, especially when other members of their crew are here.]

He gave you that here? [That rascal. She wouldn't have expected a romantic streak in him.] I guess in a place like this, there's no such thing as good timing.

[The idea of it, of putting that shackle on herself, makes her squirm, but she can kind of imagine Billy being into it. Too bad he’ll never meet Elena, they might have gotten along.]

Should I say congratulations?

[ Billy is not blushing, for the record.

It's just that it's cold. It's the damn cold! If his cheeks are even the slightest bit pink or red at all, rather than their usual pale hue, it's definitely just the cold and absolutely nothing else. Nuh-uh.

(It's just strange, receiving this sort of reaction. Billy has lived his entire life in fear of the opposite, of judging eyes, of being cast out, of judgement, and now there's someone asking if they should congratulate him.

It's insane.

It's so nice.)

He visibly swallows, trying so hard to not look flustered and rapidly failing, and he glances down at the ring, like he can't even hold Chloe's gaze directly. ]

He was right. [ Billy finally manages to say after a moment of flustered pause, even failing to directly answer the question. ] You.. really do not think it's strange.

[ Which is a wild concept to Billy over here!! ]

It isn't, here. Or, it shouldn't be. In this place, the year they say it is, you could marry legally if you wanted.

[Why he would want to is beyond Chloe, but there it is.]

I'm not going to say things are perfect, or that people might not still judge, but it's okay.

At least it won't get you lashed in front of everyone.

[ It's a little mumbled, but not in a way that it's inaubible. It's definitely loud enough that Chloe should be able to hear it - and Billy intends for her to hear it, anyway. She may be able to guess that things are that dire where he comes from, but just in case she doesn't have that context, he will gladly provide it.

Just to show why he's so surprised about this in the first place. It not being criminal is already so strange. ]

.. we were found out one time back home. That is why I've never mentioned it before in this place. [ Especially when Billy had no reason to assume that things would be different here. He couldn't imagine people changing enough to ever just be okay with men liking other men. ]

What?

[It's not really a surprise that it happened, culture on board ships at that time was pretty fucked, and she remembers the way that Hickey’s expression had darkened when she’d said that out here people can do anything they want to punish you. Still, knowing that it happens is different than knowing that it happened to someone you know. That guys you see every day stood by and watched it happen. Wanted it to happen, even.]

That won't happen here. I know there are a lot of guys from your expedition here, but we won't let that happen again.

[ He's quiet for a moment. There's definitely surprise in the way he looks at Chloe as they walk, though. Especially when she says we won't let it happen again, and Billy isn't so sure of that. Even if Chloe seems to fit what Hickey told him well enough, that the people here won't mind it, Billy isn't so sure about the rest of town until he's got proof of it. Sure, it would be nice if the town would band together against anyone who would judge them, but.. he doesn't dare hope for it.

Even just Chloe implying that she'd stand up for them is already a lot. It doesn't even matter that she's a woman. Billy has seen how fierce she is, and something about the idea that she'd back him up feels..

.. weirdly reassuring, really. He isn't used to it. ]

Thank you. [ Though his voice is soft as always, there's something a little more in it. Some of that surprise, perhaps coupled with genuine gratitude. ] I.. managed to mitigate things back home before it could get that far, thankfully.

[ He doesn't want her to get the idea that he actually was lashed over it. Sure, Hickey was, but it was totally unrelated and mostly because he was an idiot who didn't listen to Billy!!

But he knows how close they got to it. He knows. It's a terrifying thought, and Billy would do anything to avoid that fate, just like he had done anything for it last time. ]

But I do fear that the others still bear those ideas from our time in mind. I have to admit that thought.. troubles me. [ Please, Billy. Don't try to downplay it when you've been shaking like a leaf in front of Chloe before, dude.. You can say terrifies me, it's fine!! It's the truth!! ] So it means a lot that you would be willing to support us, miss Frazer.

[ ...

Yeah, apparently first name basis is still hard for a Victorian era guy who's only used to doing that with his boyfriend-husband. Sorry. ]

Look, I, um… [How do you reach across that impossible void of years, experiences and vocabulary for what you share in common?] It's not just altruism for me. I'm… [This guy almost definitely has no vocabulary for bisexuality.] I'm like that, too, and I've paid the price for it. Not just me, there are others. [Yeah, Wanda might just have been gal-pal flirting with her because they'd been drunk, but Kostya and his “roommate” aren't exactly subtle.] We’ll stand up for each other, the way we always have.

[ Definitely no vocabulary for bisexuality. It doesn't help that Billy is 100% gay too and can't even imagine what it's like to love a woman or swing both ways.

He does, at least, understand women liking women, though it's surprising to hear that Chloe is like that. Not because of anything about her, but-- what are the odds, right? There were so few gay men back in the Navy, and here he's suddenly running into more and more people who aren't just plainly straight. ]

You are?

[ His voice is soft, like he doesn't want to out her to anyone, even though there's no one within earshot to hear them. The surprise is clearly audible in his tone though. ]

.. we will have to. I have to admit I am rather tired of the way we are treated.

Yeah. I mean, I would never get married, [gross…] but the rest of it.

Let me know how you want to play it and I'll follow your lead. But if you ever want to… talk about it… you can talk to me.

[ Talk about it. With someone who actually understands. He's only ever been able to do so with Hickey, so the thought of doing it with anyone else is kind of wild. ]

I am.. [ Something about him seems to grow a little more shy again. Maybe exactly because he's thinking about this topic. ] I am not even sure I know how to talk about it. I never have-- To anyone else, I mean.

[ Hickey doesn't count if he's Billy's husband, alright. ]

But I suppose then I.. should then admit that is why I asked you about what you two talked about. [ He ducks his head - still seeming flustered, like he can't directly look at her as he talks about this. It feels so weird and vulnerable. ] I am rather worried about him. I don't want him to get involved with anything too dangerous, especially since he has a tendency to do exactly that.

Yeah, I kind of thought so. [In a small, isolated group with a strict hierarchy, where any deviation is harshly punished, who would you even turn to?] But the offer stands, if you ever want to.

[The worry reminds her a little bit of recent comments she’d made to her partner back home about risk-averse adventurers (there are other jobs) but here it's not like they really have a choice.]

Well, if he's got grand plans he hasn't shared them with me. Aside from trying to stock up for newcomers, I guess. You think he’d try to fight that thing?

[ Billy shakes his head.

Without even really having to think. No, Hickey wouldn't. Not personally, anyway. ]

He seems to think we are special. [ Judging by the way Billy says it, he doesn't agree. There's no anger or even annoyance in his voice - more just a lack of passion that betrays it. ] Between that-- that being wanting us gone, and whatever other forces that brought us here in the first place.

[ That much he knows. Hickey outright told him. ]

If that thought would get to his head too much, there is no telling what he might do. Cornelius always works in extremes.

Ohh. [Okay, yeah, maybe she can see that.] Not me, I've already done the special destiny thing and it's only ever made shit worse for me.

[It's so ridiculous to think about how much of what had happened in India was based on some stupid legend about royal bloodlines. What good does any of it do her? What good did it do Asav? He's just as dead in that canyon, in the end.]

We didn't really talk about that much, but we have the same power so maybe he didn't want it going to my head.

[ He exhales a little. It's not a sigh.

(It's definitely a sigh.) ]

I am glad to hear you have a good head on your shoulders, Miss Frazer. [ There are only so many god complexes Billy can deal with at once, okay. And that number is one. He can deal with one at a time, and that's enough!! ]

Trying to ensure Cornelius is not getting himself into trouble is already difficult enough at times. If I had to do the same for another person on top of it, I'm afraid I would start growing grey hairs already.

[ Billy.. Boy.. You have no idea what you're saying. She's just as bad!! You just don't know yet!! ]

Is he really that bad? [Asks the person who is just like him.] I mean, yeah he's kind of mouthy but a lot of guys here are like that.

Yes, he is that bad when it comes to this.

[ Zero hesitation.

Even if Billy cares about a person, he apparently won't hesitate to judge them all the same. Look, if Cornelius didn't get himself into trouble all the time, Billy wouldn't have to be here making this assessment in the first place! ]

You haven't seen what he gets like when he has a plan. Though I won't deny he's intelligent, Cornelius seems to lack a regular person's sense of risk management. [ Which would be one thing all by itself, but the more complicating factor is-- ] And the other people present here from the same expedition as us are without a doubt all too eager to jump onto him the moment they get the opportunity to do so.

Ah. [Yeah, for all his talk about making sure everyone has what they need, Chloe can see that Hickey might not exactly be a 'group cohesion' kind of guy. An outsider in a collective can be quiet and withdrawn like Billy, but they can also be bigger and bolder: 'I'm here, what are you going to do about it?' Even without the survival pressures they'd undoubtedly faced that'll make you enemies.]

Do you think he's like, spoiling for a rematch? He knows they'll go at him if given the opportunity, so he’ll make sure they get it?

[ That is a good question. It's one of those things Billy appreciates about Chloe - she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders, often pointing out things that he hasn't thought of yet himself. Practical things, too, which he can appreciate even more. He looks like he has to really think about that one for a moment. ]

I'm not sure. [ Part of the problem when Hickey can sometimes just.. do stuff impulsively out of nowhere.. ] I suppose I would not put it past him.

[ Especially with tensions between him and the rest and the crew seemingly not having gotten all that much better back home since Billy died. ]

I am sure he carries his own grudges against them. They tried to execute him back home. [ And more than just that, but ironically enough the near-execution feels easier to talk about than Hickey's earlier punishment. ]

[Chloe feels a stab of something - not quite a sympathy, kinship maybe - toward Hickey for that. Lazarevic had almost put her down for stealing from him, hadn't he, and it was only a day before she’d arrived here that she’d been on her knees in that awful little chamber with Asav’s gun against her forehead. If not for Nadine’s quick thinking her blood might have been drained into that aqueduct too; an old-school human sacrifice. What a joke, if Asav’s belief about Chloe descending from the king who’d stopped the practice is true.]

Yeah, I wouldn't blame him for that. No offence, but your whole crew sounds like a powder keg.

Considering I am not part of the powder keg, I won't have to take offense.

[ Or so he likes to believe, anyway. Whenever there's trouble being caused, it clearly is never Billy's fault. Suggesting the mutiny in the first place doesn't count, that was just being practical!

Still, there's a slight turn to Billy's eyebrows, a little like a frown, that indicates it's on his mind all the same. That he can't brush it off that easily - mostly because of his entanglement with Hickey. ]

.. things should be fine here, as long as no one does anything ridiculous. [ A pause, like he's a little more unsure whether or not to express the second part since it feels a little more personal, but.. ] I don't want my second chance at life to be ruined due to them not knowing how to behave.

[ Mostly the rest of the crew, really. Billy actually feels like Hickey has been.. relatively well behaved by his standards. Mostly. ]

(closed) february catch-all;

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cw: mentions of period-typical homophobia

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cw: talk of executions

cw: human sacrifice

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