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Who: A. Rama Raju, Edward Little, Francis Crozier, William Gibson
What: experiencing/dealing with the horrors
When: after the recent Darkwalker attack, around the time of the town meeting, and after one of the aurora nights
Where: one outside the Community Hall, the other on the outskirts

Content Warnings: Ned's fire trauma, little mention of Raju's trauma that I'll CW for on the comment title. If anything else comes up I'll add! 

Comments

[notarat]

"No," he replies, coupled with a quick of shake of his head. "It was not me he was there for. It was the person I am sharing a house with."

Despite his reluctance to discuss his sexuality only a few moments ago, Billy figures that maybe it's safe as long as he phrases it like that. It's not like they're the only two people sharing a house in town, right? And it makes sense anyway, considering the size of that place. It would be a waste of space if one person took up that much room by themselves. Not like Raju needs to know that they share a bed as well as a house.

"I was only the first one to approach the source of the noise, facing him. Rorschach said he was there to dole out justice." It's only now that he's recounting it that Billy realises the story sounds a little ridiculous. If anyone else told him it, he'd doubt whether it ever happened in the first place, and that thought makes him pause for the faintest moment.

.. but then again, ridiculous things happen here all the time. This is just one of those things.

Unfortunately enough. Billy would rather have had his peaceful night's sleep than any of this.

"His claim made no sense though." A frown. "The person he was there for hadn't done anything, other than being on the losing side of a fight a little while before that. The only thing I can imagine is that Rorschach somehow misunderstood what had happened, and had some stubborn and extremely mistaken idea of vigilante justice." And that he's a madman on top of it.

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Raju frowns, thinking that over. The house sharing doesn't get a second thought from him; his own days had improved by leaps once Francis had convinced him to stay. And in Delhi, the first time he'd ever lived on his own before, the place had seemed even brighter once Akhtar had started to come and go. And here, having more hands around to gather wood and food and keep your mind on something good once it's too dark to go out, all that is invaluable. No, it's Rorschach who's the real trouble.

"And then you..." Well, there's only so many ways the kind of ability the two of them have can deal with an attacker. "...Set him on fire?"

He's reasonably sure that Rorschach isn't dead, at least. Some kinds of gossip do travel, even to those who aren't living at the Community Center any more. Raju's mostly sure he would have heard. More importantly:

"Some were talking about how to keep order in this place at that meeting, the one after..." Maybe it's better not to mention the Darkwalker and what it can do when William only has to think of it to set himself off. Raju shrugs, pulls the blanket a little closer over the bottom half of his face against the cold. "...Well. You know. But men like that certainly wouldn't cooperate. Did he manage any justice before you fought him off?"

[notarat]

Set him on fire may be a very direct way of wording it, but it's not like Billy can deny it's the reality of what had happened. It had only been a half-conscious decision in that moment, considering how panicked he had been at the thought of Hickey getting hurt, but the end result was the same, wasn't it? He set Rorschach on fire, indeed.

"The fire prevented it," he says, his voice a little quiet. "He was raising his fist to strike just as the fire ignited."

There's a slight pause, but then the man shakes his head and adds: "It was just his hand."

Before Raju thinks that Billy set an entire person on fire right away. He doesn't really mind the fact he hurt Rorschach, but his main intention had been to stop the entire altercation, rather than his main priority being hurting that man. And he'd prefer to not sound like a total lunatic in front of Raju when Billy likes the man.

.. he slowly exhales.

"I think you are right. There are always some people who will refuse to cooperate, even if we are stuck in a town like this with only each other to turn to for help. That is why I did not imagine spreading this story would help matters, so I kept it to myself."

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"Did you think he'd come after you again if you said something?" Raju sweeps his foot idly through the snow, tightens his arms around himself, thinks that over. He's spent too long inside next to a fire while the frostbite healed; he isn't used to pushing himself any more to stay outside in the cold. It didn't take long to get used to being nearly-warm again, did it?

He tries to think past it. "It's a shame he knows where you live. Maybe you could move; there's still more abandoned places here than there are people to fill them up. If he's the kind of person who will do something like that, shouldn't everyone know about it?"

[notarat]

There's a moment where he seems to consider those words to himself, his gaze cast down to the snow. It doesn't lift right away when he speaks up.

"It would be my word against his, wouldn't it?" It's then that his gaze lifts enough to look over at Raju again. Something in his gaze is thoughtful - though troubled. Not really a surprise, given what Billy is saying here. "It would be an easy story for him to twist. Especially in a place like this."

Or just given Hickey's involvement. It has the possibility of opening a can of worms that he would prefer to keep as tightly closed as possible. Having the entire town talk about the things Hickey did back home does not fit Billy's view of trying to live a relatively peaceful life in this place.

"Facing the risk of more harm being posed to me, like you mention, coupled with the risk of being disbelieved.. It does not seem worth it."

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Raju nods thoughtfully. "There's more than one good reason not to attack where anyone else can see. I don't think he'd speak against you though, at least not very well; he doesn't seem to like talking much. But I did only speak to him once."

He sighs, a part of him thinking its own thoughts admitting now that he isn't going to realise the secret of controlling this thing inside of him here, today. But William is right that the way of getting the damned fires started is simple, even if...

Well. William might actually be more suited to that kind of control than Raju is. Fear fits inside of Raju more easily, turns itself into anger, and even that is usually something that Raju can handle. Anger is a good thing, even when it hurts. Anger is fuel. The kind of emotion that's strong enough inside him to push its way out is one Raju's spent so long trying not to ever reach for that he doesn't know, now, whether he could.

It'd come from an entirely different place when the wolves had attacked, a place that had come easily, but Raju can't summon that one up unless the danger really feels immediate, either.

"I'd offer to help, but you might be more able to defend yourself than I am, at this point." He smiles, faintly and ruefully. "With that fire on you. And you only burned his hand? You stopped yourself after that?"

[notarat]

There's a moment where Billy just seems to regard the other man silently. Not long enough for it to seem strange or suspicious, but just for long enough to feel that a thought likely crossed his mind before he speaks up.

".. do not put yourself down," seems to be his response according to whatever thought just passed. Really, it's not even like Raju is explicitly doing that, but-- it feels too strange to get that sort of compliment otherwise. Billy doesn't feel like his control is that great, and the ability still feels strange. It's just that it's also useful, and it's also that even if he isn't in control of the ability itself an absolute 100% yet, just having it at all makes him feel more in control of other things.

Which is the important part to him.

"You seem like an intelligent enough man." Judging by the movement of his lips, it seems like Billy was about to 'Mr.' him again, only catching himself at the last moment, and still feeling a little too self-conscious about being informal to just use the other's name plainly like he asked. "If I can find ways to control it better, then you could do the same. Sometimes it just takes time."

He exhales after that, before adding: "And-- yes, it was only his hand. I was not trying to kill him. I only wanted him to stop."

Granted, it's more that Rorschach ran away and put the fire out in the snow more so than Billy actively stopping it, but.. you know.. It's not like he wants to share all the details of that situation, especially when a few sure are wrapped in the Big Homosexuality Secret.

[load_aim_shoot]

It's impressive control — though if stopping that way came from a specific technique, William would have shared it. So maybe it's only down to William's nature. Francis reminded him once that the Discovery Service wasn't military, for all its men are still British Navy; William is a steward, and a shy, hesitant man, and not a fighter, doesn't seem at all hungry to be. So maybe it was easy for him to want to stop before the fire spread too far. Not a method Raju can count on.

One more time, Raju looks over the snow and the burned trees. He sighs. What a pain, this whole thing. But Francis has been more than decent about the fire, never complaining or even seeming to mind waking up to it after Raju's nightmares. He'll have to be decent about it a while longer.

"Well, thank you," Raju says, turning away from the charred evidence of his failure to look at William instead. "It's good to know more about all this, even if we can't understand enough of it yet. And, well— if you have trouble with Rorschach that you can't solve by setting him on fire, let me know. Maybe there'll be something else that we can do."

there we go, wrapped it! c: thanks again for the thread!

[notarat]

"Thank you."

It's a brief sort of thanks, but it doesn't seem like he's only saying it for the sake of it. Even if Billy doesn't seem like the most openly emotional person ever - perhaps something that also helps him a little with controlling the fire better - it's a very meant thanks of gratitude by his standards. He isn't really used to being offered help in such a way. And even though he knows he has Hickey on his side, at least-- he also knows the other's methods for dealing with this sort of problem aren't exactly suitable. It can't hurt to have Raju know about the incident as long as he seems sympathetic to it.

He looks around, like he realises the conversation is winding down and he should probably leave the other to practice some more if Raju might want to, but.. first he does add: "I hope you find some control soon too."

Because Billy knows that it's hard when you don't have it. The first few times his power activated, he remembers freaking out, being terrified of himself. Of everything. Having even a little more grip on it feels like a great relief.

With that - and a polite nod - he moves to take his leave.