singillatim | the chilly worlds, and the silent fields

[It's a relief to hear the man’s breaths even out, to see the colour return to his face.

Randvi is just beginning to wonder whether she should pull her hand away when she feels something rolling slowly against her palm. It brings to mind her last visit with her sister Thora, feeling the movement of her niece under her hand this way. The warmth she’d always felt for her sister's family had been tempered by the dread of knowing that this was her own fate now as well: to bear a stranger’s children.

Of course, feeling that here and now is impossible.

Randvi glances at her hand, then searches Kostya’s face.]

Does that hurt?

[ Fuck. Pure instinct tells him to flinch away, pull back as quickly as possible, but Konstantin controls himself before he can act that way. Instead he goes very still, eyes staying on Randvi's face. She.... felt it, didn't she, she had to. But she doesn't seem afraid, or disturbed. Probably she has no idea what to make of it; maybe she's stunned. But the question stuns him, and he stares at her for a moment longer before answering.

There's no sense in pretending he doesn't know what she's asking about, but how the hell does he.... handle this? Finally he's moving back, but it's it's slowly, calmly, taking a step or two away from the warmth of the woman's hand and pulling his shirt back down. ]

A little. But it's all right. I'm used to it. [ He tries to keep his cool, make everything seem less than it is, but the thing's already reacting to the absence of Randvi's hand and the comfortable warmth of what she can do, fitful, and he winces as he places his own hand to his abdomen, feeling it squirm inside of him — it's upset, confused. Another half-step back. He should leave. ]

I'm sorry, Randvi. There's something— wrong with me. With my body. I shouldn't have— I'll go.

I won't tell anyone.

[She still doesn't understand it, what she’d felt, but it's clear that he's upset, maybe even ashamed. He's in pain as well, as if the warmth had calmed whatever had been happening to him.]

The cold makes your condition worse?

[ He's tensed back, ready to gather his coat and leave, but he hesitates at her question. ]

Yes. It's.... much worse, in the cold.

[ Konstantin winces again, fighting to ignore its fitful movements, a wet, writhing thing; it nauseates him. He nudges closer to the fireplace, but nothing can compare to the particular relief that Randvi's ability is able to provide. He can no longer read its "thoughts", but it's safe to assume that the alien wants that relief back. ]

And this fog... ahhhh. Making it act up even more than usual. [ He smiles weakly, glancing down at himself as he tries to will a command to his "condition"... ] Stop it. You need to behave yourself.

[He looks worse now, almost curled around whatever she’d felt inside him. Randvi can't imagine that he will make it home like this.]

Stay a moment. Please.

I have a… [she doesn't know what it's called.] a waterskin you can take with you to manage the cold. Let me heat some water.

[ He hesitates again, that urge to run always so pressing, but Randvi isn't... freaking out about any of this, and he wants any relief he can possibly find. So he nods, and carefully moves to sit down in a seat near the fire, not quite able to stifle a groan as his torso bends slightly and the fitful thing inside of him sits so uncomfortably, continuing to writhe.

Konstantin runs a hand up to his face, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose for a moment to try and steady himself, before he lowers it again. He finds words — grasping for any kind of distraction from the nearly unbearable sensation of the upset parasite, looking back up to Randvi. ]

You don't frighten easily, do you?

[ He manages to smile a little. ]

Whatever this place is doing to me — I'm terrified.

I don't know if I’d say that. If I let myself be frightened by everything here that I’d never encountered before, I'd never get anything done.

[As soon as it's apparent that he’ll stay, Randvi is moving: scooping water from a pail of melting snow near the fireplace into a metal pot and placing it over the fire; grabbing a hot water bottle from a drawer nearby.]

I'm not afraid of you. If you wished to harm me, you would already have done so. [It would have been easy when she’d been affected by the mushrooms.] If you pose a danger in another way, I trust that you'll do what you can to avert it.

[She returns to his side to wait, but doesn't sit. A bit more hesitantly:] What I felt before, is it a part of you or is it alive?

[ His smile softens as he dips his head for a moment, nods in silence — in his own ways, he knows how that is. His own fear rarely stops him from remaining productive. If anything, he keeps himself as busy as possible so that he won't fall into that dark hole. But there are times, lately, when....

...He blinks out of it, eyes lifting again to watch Randvi work as he listens to her words. They surprise him to hear, and he's staring, mouth tipped open a little.

'If you pose a danger in another way, I trust that you'll do what you can to avert it.'

It stuns him, and he sits there quietly for a few long moments. The question lingers. And he is very certain that there's no sense lying to this sensible, honest young woman. (...And she trusts him to avert the danger, and he can, he can do that by being just as honest, because there is still some threat that the thing might get so fitful after so abruptly losing its source of warmth that it comes out of him, any moment now.) ]

It's.... alive. [ He hasn't told anyone that. Only Vasiliy knows. ]

It's something that lives inside of me. I... thought it died when I was shot, but.... it's still alive.

[Randvi nods slowly, processing. This explains why a shot to the stomach would be employed in an execution.]

I didn't feel it moving before because it had also been injured and was near death.

[Whatever magic had saved him had saved this creature as well, either by providence or by design.

Randvi doesn't know what's happening, but he's clearly horrified and ashamed of his current state. Speaking to her must come at a cost, and she doesn't want to push him.]

I'm sorry that this is happening to you.

[Hesitant again:] Does it sleep? We could attempt to lull it to sleep with my power and then switch to the waterskin when it is less likely to notice.

[ Konstantin gives a soft nod, carefully moving to sit up a bit more on the sofa, barely stifling a wince. He's gotten used to a certain discomfort and even pain over these months, but when the thing is actively moving around like this... it's much more difficult to withstand. The question freshly stuns him, the degree of assistance she's willing to give him, even if cautiously. She would even... touch it again? He hesitates too, looking down at himself for a moment. ]

It does. It sleeps a lot — it's very young, I think. [ It spends nearly all of its time inside of him, larval. Tricking it like that is actually a brilliant idea and he's stunned by how easily she thought of it (Konstantin, who has no experience with children, is brand-new to the concept of using sneaky, necessary methods to put something down for a nap). ]

....If you're sure you'd be all right with that, then— [ Another wince as he strains through the words, pressing the heel of his palm against his forehead for a moment. ] —I'm all for trying. This thing can't just expect to hold you hostage and be its personal heater all night.

[ A little laugh, some attempt to be light-hearted, even though he's nervous, worried. And.... embarrassed, which is not a common emotion for Konstantin Veshnyakov to feel. ]

My sister has four children. [Randvi smiles, a little awkward. They’ve barely said anything, really, but somehow this conversation feels intensely personal.

She sits next to him, visibly bracing herself before reaching out. Undoubtedly whatever it is inside him is moving much more strongly now, distressed at the lack of warmth after so long in the cold. Young, he’d said. It can't understand.

In as calm a voice as she can manage:] I’m going to touch you now. [And then she's rolling up the hem of his shirt again, fingers probing a bit more boldly now for the outline of the creature, so she can lay her palm directly against its body. The body of something living inside him, something he doesn't want, something someone had tried and failed to kill. Her hands warm a bit more and she takes a breath to calm herself.]

It's all right. See? You won't be cold any longer.

Edited (Missed a bracket) 2024-05-03 03:30 (UTC)

Four. [ His brows lift with surprise as he gives a soft exhale at the thought. ] No wonder you know how to calm unruly little beasts.

[ Again, he tries to keep this very awkward and assuredly horrific situation as light-hearted as possible, but it's... strange. His heart's beating a little faster than it normally does, faster than the heart of someone who has been trained how to stay extremely calm should beat. He's not used to this.. prickling anxiety. He realises not all of it is because he's told someone about the creature but because it's extremely uncomfortable to be touched... there. Only Vasiliy had — and it was so briefly, back when he'd done an examination of him, tried to decipher where the creature rested and if it was all right, not in risk of causing a rupture or blockage in him.

But never since then. He doesn't even like touching himself there — strangely careful with dressing and undressing, flinching if his fingers ever happen to graze the skin of his abdomen. It's disgusting, the thought that something lives just beneath his skin, inside one of his organs. If he thinks too much about it he wants to scream, to tear into himself and get it out—

He takes his own steadying breath, tries to keep himself as still as possible when Randvi feels for it and then places her hand there, his eyes moving up to the ceiling. One hand moves to the couch, fingers curling tightly into its material, tense. The alien's writhing like something unearthed from beneath a stone, fitful, but almost immediately— it stops. The warm is back, close and soothing.

Konstantin closes his eyes for a moment as he exhales, carefully. He can feel it moving again, but not so distressed, slowly nudging closer to the hand that rests against his stomach and curling up close to it. ]

....God. It really does like that. I've never known it to react to things on the outside like this.

[ But then, he's still so new to the thing, really. ]

Little Vikings at that! [Randvi endeavours to match his tone, light and a bit teasing, despite the writhing under his skin that she can feel at even the faintest touch. The feeling must be unbearable.] Ruffians, the lot of them.

[The creature reacts remarkably quickly to the warmth of her hand, settling against her palm like a well-fed kitten.

Randvi keeps her voice low, in case noise might keep it awake.]

It must not be accustomed to this cold.

[Randvi had located Kazakhstan in the atlas from the library, but she isn't certain about the climate there. Konstantin had certainly shown up in light clothing.]

[ Vikings. Another reminder that Randvi is from a place and time that is almost unthinkably foreign to him — but by that same vein, his own must be the same to her. And he could stay tight-lipped about anything more, but he owes her more of an explanation, doesn't he? She's doing something for him that he can't imagine most anyone else would ever do so willingly.

So he's sobering again, a little, though tries to keep his tone conversational, tries to ignore the lingering buzz of anxiety and adrenaline. Tries to keep the walls of his stomach relaxed so as not to risk disturbing the thing again; it moves a few times, but gently, re-adjusting its position here or there. ]

You're right. Where it's from is cold, but.... not like this. No snow, or ice. No wind. I don't think it can handle this climate well. [ Finally, he lets himself look down at himself again, watching the careful rise and fall of his own breathing. Its capability for adaptation is remarkable, but its body is very weak, all things considered. It was never meant to be on Earth. ]

It came from outer space. Have you heard of it?

[Randvi feels the creature settling, subtle shifts so that more of its body is pressed to the warmth of her, and tries to picture what it must look like. A mole, perhaps - she doesn't feel legs but it has a thick, rounded body - or a snake curled in on itself. Or could it be a very large leech, or a type of fish or eel? There are ships there, in space, so they may move through it like water.]

I have, but very little. I borrowed a book from the library about planets, and I know that James Kirk and La’an lived on ships outside of the world. Was this something on a ship, or it lived between the stars?

Between the stars, I think. People can't live outside of Earth for very long, when I'm from. We can only visit for a short time.

[ He's learned about it by now too, people here whose home worlds and technologies have advanced enough to allow near-permanent residences on space ships, space stations... It's incredible to think about. ]

It somehow wound up on my shuttle, and then it got inside. I don't know if it was.... recently born, maybe hatched from an egg. [ Maybe released out into the universe like some kind of spore, floating... ]

...Whatever it is, it needed a host body to live inside of. Or it seemed to think it did, at least. [ A pause as he realises he's lowered his voice almost to a whisper. ] Like a parasite.

That's horrible, I'm sorry. [Randvi’s people know about roundworms, but those are not nearly this large.]

Is… does it feed off of you? Are you in danger? [Many of the parasites that she's aware of eventually kill their host.]

[ In truth, the thing may be more symbiotic in nature than parasitic — but for all intents and purposes, the term fits. Especially now, given— ]

Before this place, it didn't.... hurt me. I felt sick from it sometimes, but it wasn't damaging to me, necessarily. In fact, it made my body function better.

[ He was no superhuman, but it improved his condition, made it peak. ...Who knows what the scientists may have done to him, though. They could very well have succeeded in developing a means to turn him into a weapon. ]

But this place seems to be affecting it. It doesn't do anything beneficial to my body, and it only makes me feel ill. I don't know what might happen in the long term.

[ He sighs, softly. It's been a pressing concern. ]

But at least it doesn't seem to feed off of me. It needs blood — so I can provide that for it. From animals... from parts of them. [ A soft wince. ]

[Randvi listens intently. Disparate pieces of this puzzle are coming together.]

Many things that people rely on in their homes do not seem to function here, but no other seems so crucial to survival.

Am… [How to say this.] Am I correct in assuming that your wound was an attempt to destroy this creature? Can it be separated from you?

[ Ah. Konstantin pauses again, solemn. He can't quite bring himself to admit that the attempt was his own. ]

It was. It was supposed to... end it.

[ ....Does the thing know? That he killed them both? Does it understand that? ]

A doctor was trying to help me — to find a way to separate us. But... we're connected. Bonded. As far as I know, we can't survive without one another.

....If this place is changing the rules, though.... affecting it, weakening it, then maybe it could be removed here.

[Randvi nods. There's a certain courage in choosing to die fighting, but she won't draw attention to it.]

The healers here are skilled. If it is possible at all I think they can succeed.

[These aren't exactly the best conditions for removing something that large from inside a person, but if it comes to it, needs must.]

I'm assuming it's what you would want. It seems to me a nightmare, what you are going through.

[ There's... a lot to this. Things perhaps he should reveal — that it could react dangerously if tampered with. That it sometimes exits his body outside of his control, that it can grow, shift, into something far more deadly than the current larval form that occupies him now. Though this place seems to keep it from being able to become too developed, it could still do some damage.

But he's wary, and truthfully, he's afraid. If something goes wrong, if he's put back in confinement... He can't let that happen. For now, he keeps some things unsaid, though his features tighten with some internal tension and it takes him a few moments to reply. Then it comes, quietly. ]

I would give anything to be rid of it. My son— the one I told you about before. ....I can't provide a life for him like this.

[ He can't. It's too dangerous, too uncertain. Too unfair to a little boy who's already had such strife and loss in his life. ]

...But I don't know what healers I can trust, apart from Vasiliy. The man I'm living with now. I don't know how people might react to this.

[Randvi remembers well enough how resistant he’d been at the idea of seeing a healer when they’d met.]

I won't tell anyone. [That bears repeating, now that she knows.] Are you afraid they’d fear it, think you're a threat? Or that they would want to use it themselves?

[Perhaps it's both. Or perhaps it reproduces in a way that could infect all of them. She can't think about that.]

If you need a break from having to hide it, you can come and talk to me any time.

Thank you. [ He means it, again, and gives another quiet, careful sigh as he considers the question. In the same breath, he can feel how relaxed the creature has become — still and small, no longer moving. Is it asleep? Has she really lulled the thing to sleep with simple warmth, like some kind of little cat? Strange to think that something so alien and frightening can find comfort in the same sorts of things that a creature from Earth could. ]

Both. All of it. [ He allows the slightest hint of a smile, tense at the corners. ] There are people back home who want to keep it captive — and therefore me. They need me to... contain it, while they study it. If someone here raises the alarm... I could be discovered again.

[ The pieces to this place, Milton, don't fully add up, but he knows he needs to be careful. He can't risk being taken again. But his features soften at the young woman's offer. ]

I appreciate that. It's a lot to ask of you, though. I'm sorry. [ Coming here at all, involving Randvi... it was a selfish act. But... he does at least understand some of how the creature functions. And as easy as it is to think of it as some mindless killing machine, it.... isn't. ]

I don't think it would try to hurt you, though. It doesn't hurt people unless it has a reason. And I think it... understands when it's being helped. It will remember your voice.

[Randvi nods, taking in this information. It all makes sense from what he's said before, but how horrible to be in the middle of that. To not belong to yourself anymore.]

You helped me too, when we met, despite everything that had been happening to you. [If they had truly been where he'd thought they were, it would have been more beneficial to him to leave her behind in the snow. Any outside person could have been a risk.] I remember my debts.

[She stops for a moment, feeling the steady movement under her palm.] Do you think it is asleep? I can fill the waterskin for you.

the chilly worlds, and the silent fields

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