singillatim | (closed)

Raju's smile lingers on his lips, but the rest of his face is more confused the more that William goes on. He's talking about it like... a disease, maybe? But that would be dangerous to the rest of them, and probably would have started spreading by now. Raju's trying to fit together whatever clues he sees there, but he can't think of a single thing they might assemble into.

It isn't new, whatever it is. Which means it's probably something normal, a problem from the real world — not like the spontaneous fire, or shared nightmares, or people with very clear memories of friends alive and well here being dead at home. Maybe that's enough to be going on with.

Raju gives a few slow nods, smile fading from his lips as he looks away. The chances that he needs to know are smaller now, which means that not pressing is probably safer for both of them. But he's damned curious, still.

He sighs.

"But being frightened of it wasn't a problem before this place, hm? Not the way it is now, with the fire." Raju is in a similar boat, in a way he wouldn't have shared back home. But back home, what he needs and what he needs to be puts him at odds with most of the people he might talk to, even if they don't know it, and the only real details that he'd share would be something very unimportant and small. But none of that matters here. And a little bit of fellow-feeling will help distract Raju from his own curiosity, anyway.

"My dreams used to be that way," he goes on. "It didn't matter what was in them, I could wake up and go on with my day. Now I dream of the wrong thing, and everyone around me is in trouble. Can you imagine, the woman who gave this to us in the first place, do you remember what she said before? She thought she was helping."

He huffs at the charred landscape, adjusting his crossed arms to sit a little higher over his chest. "But it's only been a bloody nuisance."

Hey, he's already happy enough that Raju isn't pressing the issue anymore. Not just because he'd prefer to keep it to himself, but also because it allows him to relax a little, feeling that red-hot feeling inside of him start to subside a little bit, thankfully.

".. It's a double-edged sword," he adds to Raju's remark about it being a nuisance.

Because it's not like he doesn't get it. It's the same for him. He's definitely set some stuff on fire that he couldn't really afford to lose in a place with limited resources like this one, and in the beginning he definitely spent entire days in fear about setting his house on fire.

Even now he's been able to control it a little better - or so it feels like - he doesn't think it'll ever stop being a nuisance either. The possibility of accidentally setting something on fire will always be there, just like Raju describes.

"It is a new source of danger to us, but.. if you care to look at it particularly optimistically, it also brings us a new way of defending ourselves." Not that Billy is the optimistic type.

He's not even saying it for Raju's sake, really. It's just a fact, especially when Billy has already once used the power successfully to protect himself and the things important to him here. He knows it to be true.

"If we learn how to control it even better, we could be slightly less helpless in a place where it seems like the odds are so heavily stacked against us."

“Mhm.” Raju nods, thinking of that night with the wolves, the way the blade of his knife had lit itself on fire. In that moment, being chased that way, doing it had been easy. But if he can’t do it now, consistently, he can’t count on being able to do it at all.

But he doesn’t need the fire to be dangerous. That makes it easier to dismiss it. He supposes William can’t really say the same.

“Have you had to use it yet? You said you learned to do it on purpose. Did that come from practice, or because you needed it?”

"I needed it," he replies, this time opting for full disclosure.

You have to dosage these things, after all. If he's cagey about too many things in a row, it'll just make him look very strange and suspicious in Raju's eyes, and Billy doesn't want that to happen. And if he has to make a choice between being more cagey about his sexuality and this, then he'll pick the former every day. It's a far bigger complex for him.

Even though he doesn't look very happy when he speaks of this either. Less panicked, though-- which is a good thing, given their shared power.

"My house was broken into in the middle of the night." Dang, is he ever glad the honest description of this account still makes Rorschach look like the bad guy in this scenario. Even though - deep down - there was something very satisfying about being able to get some comeuppance on a man who actively threatened and terrified him before. "I had no other method of defending myself, so I ended up needing it then."

Raju frowns, alert to what William's telling him in a way he hadn't quite been allowing himself to look when William had been making that bizarre non-confession a moment ago. That talking about this seems to frighten him less than that odd secret says something about it, but Raju's decided not to dig any more into that and he isn't going to, at least not consciously. He knows himself, knows a part of him is going to keep worrying at it like a dog with a bone already cleaned of any more meat, but without any more clues he isn't going to figure it out.

He leaves that part of his mind to it. More important is what William's telling him now. "Defend yourself? They weren't there to take something, thinking you weren't there? They were there for you?"

That something like that is happening here is a problem. A problem it's probably surprising isn't worse, when everyone knows there's no real authority to stop them, but a problem anyway. What if that had happened to someone who couldn't do the things the two of them can do? Who couldn't defend themselves the way someone like Raju would? There might not be much Raju can do about it now, but it's useful to know who to watch out for. "Who was it?"

There's a soft hum of confirmation when Raju asks if the person hadn't just been there to steal something. At least that had been very, very clear about the entire situation when it happened. And while it's true that he doesn't seem quite as alarmed as he did about the thing he refused to talk about, there's something about him that does seem unhappy when he speaks.

.. though that's likely only natural, right. Who out there is going to enjoy the idea of someone breaking into their house to come harm them? Not Billy.

"It was Rorschach," he says. Not immediately elaborating, because-- well, he figures Raju can make some connections in his mind based on the conversation they had about that man before. Raju doesn't seem dumb enough to have forgotten. There's a very brief pause to give the other man the opportunity to remember that conversation, and then he adds: "His intentions were clear. He kicked down the door and stated them."

“Him again? Really?” Raju frowns. He knows better than to take one man’s testimony to be the entire truth of any matter, and wishes he’d found time to take more of a measure of the silent, oddly-masked man’s character. It isn’t as if there hasn’t been time. There’s an excess of time in this place but there’s no purpose to any of it, no reason to talk to this person or that one except wanting to, no advancement or goal or anything larger to be had of it. And without that, he’s been…

Well, as much of a hermit as Francis was trying to be when they’d met, except without noticing it. That’s an odd thought.

Raju isn’t sure what to do about that, or whether he should do anything at all. But Rorschach, at least, might need a little more attention.

“Did you insult that mask of his again? What did he say when he came in?”

"No," he replies, coupled with a quick of shake of his head. "It was not me he was there for. It was the person I am sharing a house with."

Despite his reluctance to discuss his sexuality only a few moments ago, Billy figures that maybe it's safe as long as he phrases it like that. It's not like they're the only two people sharing a house in town, right? And it makes sense anyway, considering the size of that place. It would be a waste of space if one person took up that much room by themselves. Not like Raju needs to know that they share a bed as well as a house.

"I was only the first one to approach the source of the noise, facing him. Rorschach said he was there to dole out justice." It's only now that he's recounting it that Billy realises the story sounds a little ridiculous. If anyone else told him it, he'd doubt whether it ever happened in the first place, and that thought makes him pause for the faintest moment.

.. but then again, ridiculous things happen here all the time. This is just one of those things.

Unfortunately enough. Billy would rather have had his peaceful night's sleep than any of this.

"His claim made no sense though." A frown. "The person he was there for hadn't done anything, other than being on the losing side of a fight a little while before that. The only thing I can imagine is that Rorschach somehow misunderstood what had happened, and had some stubborn and extremely mistaken idea of vigilante justice." And that he's a madman on top of it.

Raju frowns, thinking that over. The house sharing doesn't get a second thought from him; his own days had improved by leaps once Francis had convinced him to stay. And in Delhi, the first time he'd ever lived on his own before, the place had seemed even brighter once Akhtar had started to come and go. And here, having more hands around to gather wood and food and keep your mind on something good once it's too dark to go out, all that is invaluable. No, it's Rorschach who's the real trouble.

"And then you..." Well, there's only so many ways the kind of ability the two of them have can deal with an attacker. "...Set him on fire?"

He's reasonably sure that Rorschach isn't dead, at least. Some kinds of gossip do travel, even to those who aren't living at the Community Center any more. Raju's mostly sure he would have heard. More importantly:

"Some were talking about how to keep order in this place at that meeting, the one after..." Maybe it's better not to mention the Darkwalker and what it can do when William only has to think of it to set himself off. Raju shrugs, pulls the blanket a little closer over the bottom half of his face against the cold. "...Well. You know. But men like that certainly wouldn't cooperate. Did he manage any justice before you fought him off?"

Set him on fire may be a very direct way of wording it, but it's not like Billy can deny it's the reality of what had happened. It had only been a half-conscious decision in that moment, considering how panicked he had been at the thought of Hickey getting hurt, but the end result was the same, wasn't it? He set Rorschach on fire, indeed.

"The fire prevented it," he says, his voice a little quiet. "He was raising his fist to strike just as the fire ignited."

There's a slight pause, but then the man shakes his head and adds: "It was just his hand."

Before Raju thinks that Billy set an entire person on fire right away. He doesn't really mind the fact he hurt Rorschach, but his main intention had been to stop the entire altercation, rather than his main priority being hurting that man. And he'd prefer to not sound like a total lunatic in front of Raju when Billy likes the man.

.. he slowly exhales.

"I think you are right. There are always some people who will refuse to cooperate, even if we are stuck in a town like this with only each other to turn to for help. That is why I did not imagine spreading this story would help matters, so I kept it to myself."

"Did you think he'd come after you again if you said something?" Raju sweeps his foot idly through the snow, tightens his arms around himself, thinks that over. He's spent too long inside next to a fire while the frostbite healed; he isn't used to pushing himself any more to stay outside in the cold. It didn't take long to get used to being nearly-warm again, did it?

He tries to think past it. "It's a shame he knows where you live. Maybe you could move; there's still more abandoned places here than there are people to fill them up. If he's the kind of person who will do something like that, shouldn't everyone know about it?"

There's a moment where he seems to consider those words to himself, his gaze cast down to the snow. It doesn't lift right away when he speaks up.

"It would be my word against his, wouldn't it?" It's then that his gaze lifts enough to look over at Raju again. Something in his gaze is thoughtful - though troubled. Not really a surprise, given what Billy is saying here. "It would be an easy story for him to twist. Especially in a place like this."

Or just given Hickey's involvement. It has the possibility of opening a can of worms that he would prefer to keep as tightly closed as possible. Having the entire town talk about the things Hickey did back home does not fit Billy's view of trying to live a relatively peaceful life in this place.

"Facing the risk of more harm being posed to me, like you mention, coupled with the risk of being disbelieved.. It does not seem worth it."

Raju nods thoughtfully. "There's more than one good reason not to attack where anyone else can see. I don't think he'd speak against you though, at least not very well; he doesn't seem to like talking much. But I did only speak to him once."

He sighs, a part of him thinking its own thoughts admitting now that he isn't going to realise the secret of controlling this thing inside of him here, today. But William is right that the way of getting the damned fires started is simple, even if...

Well. William might actually be more suited to that kind of control than Raju is. Fear fits inside of Raju more easily, turns itself into anger, and even that is usually something that Raju can handle. Anger is a good thing, even when it hurts. Anger is fuel. The kind of emotion that's strong enough inside him to push its way out is one Raju's spent so long trying not to ever reach for that he doesn't know, now, whether he could.

It'd come from an entirely different place when the wolves had attacked, a place that had come easily, but Raju can't summon that one up unless the danger really feels immediate, either.

"I'd offer to help, but you might be more able to defend yourself than I am, at this point." He smiles, faintly and ruefully. "With that fire on you. And you only burned his hand? You stopped yourself after that?"

There's a moment where Billy just seems to regard the other man silently. Not long enough for it to seem strange or suspicious, but just for long enough to feel that a thought likely crossed his mind before he speaks up.

".. do not put yourself down," seems to be his response according to whatever thought just passed. Really, it's not even like Raju is explicitly doing that, but-- it feels too strange to get that sort of compliment otherwise. Billy doesn't feel like his control is that great, and the ability still feels strange. It's just that it's also useful, and it's also that even if he isn't in control of the ability itself an absolute 100% yet, just having it at all makes him feel more in control of other things.

Which is the important part to him.

"You seem like an intelligent enough man." Judging by the movement of his lips, it seems like Billy was about to 'Mr.' him again, only catching himself at the last moment, and still feeling a little too self-conscious about being informal to just use the other's name plainly like he asked. "If I can find ways to control it better, then you could do the same. Sometimes it just takes time."

He exhales after that, before adding: "And-- yes, it was only his hand. I was not trying to kill him. I only wanted him to stop."

Granted, it's more that Rorschach ran away and put the fire out in the snow more so than Billy actively stopping it, but.. you know.. It's not like he wants to share all the details of that situation, especially when a few sure are wrapped in the Big Homosexuality Secret.

It's impressive control — though if stopping that way came from a specific technique, William would have shared it. So maybe it's only down to William's nature. Francis reminded him once that the Discovery Service wasn't military, for all its men are still British Navy; William is a steward, and a shy, hesitant man, and not a fighter, doesn't seem at all hungry to be. So maybe it was easy for him to want to stop before the fire spread too far. Not a method Raju can count on.

One more time, Raju looks over the snow and the burned trees. He sighs. What a pain, this whole thing. But Francis has been more than decent about the fire, never complaining or even seeming to mind waking up to it after Raju's nightmares. He'll have to be decent about it a while longer.

"Well, thank you," Raju says, turning away from the charred evidence of his failure to look at William instead. "It's good to know more about all this, even if we can't understand enough of it yet. And, well— if you have trouble with Rorschach that you can't solve by setting him on fire, let me know. Maybe there'll be something else that we can do."

"Thank you."

It's a brief sort of thanks, but it doesn't seem like he's only saying it for the sake of it. Even if Billy doesn't seem like the most openly emotional person ever - perhaps something that also helps him a little with controlling the fire better - it's a very meant thanks of gratitude by his standards. He isn't really used to being offered help in such a way. And even though he knows he has Hickey on his side, at least-- he also knows the other's methods for dealing with this sort of problem aren't exactly suitable. It can't hurt to have Raju know about the incident as long as he seems sympathetic to it.

He looks around, like he realises the conversation is winding down and he should probably leave the other to practice some more if Raju might want to, but.. first he does add: "I hope you find some control soon too."

Because Billy knows that it's hard when you don't have it. The first few times his power activated, he remembers freaking out, being terrified of himself. Of everything. Having even a little more grip on it feels like a great relief.

With that - and a polite nod - he moves to take his leave.

(closed)

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there we go, wrapped it! c: thanks again for the thread!